Twisted Night
by CraZy-xClowN
Summary: Sara is attacked.
1. Chapter 1

Title: **_Twisted Night_**

Pairing: Dunno yet, but maybe Cath/Sara or Sara/Someone else in future...

WARNINGs: Contains rape, violence, coarse language etc.

* * *

It was storming outside. Sara opened the door to her new apartment and shivered in cold as she took off her wet coat off her and tossed it on a chair. She snapped the stereo on. After a few seconds the sound of rain pouring outside was covered with System of a Down. Sara took a quick glance at time while changing clothes and decided to call it a day. She had told _maybe_ to Nick and Greg who had went out to celebrate that they had finally solved a case of 21 years old female found dead outside of a cheap motel. Greg had begged her to come, but she honestly wasn't in the mood. The weather sucked and she was tired so she decided that ordering some take out and falling a sleep in front of TV would be more than perfect. Especially before two vacation days.

For the first time in long time she really felt pleased to have some time to relax. She needed some extra sleep and they had made some plans with Greg, who also had Wednesday off.

Sara opened the TV but got only the intro of CNN before knocking on a door reached her ears.

"Delivery", a male voice came behind the door. Sara snatched some money from her walled and made her way to the door. She quickly gave the money to the delivery guy and received the food from him.

"Thanks", Sara smiled before closing the door and started heading back to a living room. She hadn't eaten nothing but breakfast and one apple in the whole day and it was almost 9.00pm now. She got few steps away from the door before another knock reached up air.

_What now? _

She turned around a bit annoyed and put the food on the hallway table while walking back to the door and opening it, thinking it was the delivery guy who had forgotten something. She twisted the lock and was just opening the door when it was kicked open and before Sara even saw the face she was punched hard in her face. Sara flew backwards and fell onto floor.

Her world was springing frantically and only thing she could see was a tall figure, wearing a black hood, stepping in and pushing the door shut behind him.

Sara tried to kick the intruder. She tried to get herself up. She tried to get her mind straight. Failing all of them. Only thing she was able to do was to scream for help.

"Shut the fuck up!!"

Man slapped her across her face and sent back onto floor. Sara tasted blood in her mouth. Man grabbed front of her shirt with his huge hands and smacked her body roughly against the floor. Sara whimpered when her head banged against hard wood, which made the already furious and nervous attacker lost his temper for good.

"I told you to shut the fuck up you fucking bitch! Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP you fucking whore! Just shut the fuck up, goddamned", the man yelled and grasped her hair.

Sara felt her head being knocked down hard and harder until it all went black.

When she got her consciousness back the first thing she realised was that her hands were pinned above her head. Her clothes had been torn up. She realised what he was just about to do to her and went in panic.

"No!...NO!" Sara screamed and started kicking hysterically trying to get the guy off her. "No! Please don't do this! Please!"

Sara was begging without any response. Her attacker wasn't even listening to her anymore. He managed to pull her pants off and before Sara even realised she felt the pain as he forced himself inside her.

Sara couldn't do anything. She couldn't scream or fight back. She was paralyzed. She felt him tearing her apart. Tears were running down to her cheeks. She turned her face away. She felt man's panting on her neck. He was emitting low groans. His noises made her disgusted and she fought back nausea. His actions came faster causing more pain. When he sank his teethes into her shoulder Sara couldn't help a scream that came from her mouth. She felt how his anger to come rage back when he bit her again.

After time that felt forever to Sara, man finally stopped and crushed against her. Sara felt the grip around her wrists loose. She gathered all her strength left and lifted her head to hit his. Man pulled his head backwards and let go Sara's hands to hold his forehead.

"Motherfuck!"

Sara sank her fingernails into his neck. Guy screamed in pain and hit Sara's head once against the floor. Sara went limp. She didn't quite lost her consciousness, but she couldn't fight back either. She just watched through her fuzzy eyes how the guy got up and closed his jeans. Sara closed her eyes and tried to stay as quiet as possible. Everything was quiet. Sara was too scared to open her eyes to see what he was doing. She was begging silently that he would leave and stop hurting her.

_Oh God, just please don't kill me..._

Then out of no where Sara felt ripping pain on her left side. She couldn't breath. She was gasping desperately for air.

Man kicked her again. Then spit on her. He took a last look of a shattered body lying on the ground before turning around and leaving the apartment.

* * *

So this is my first story ever, which means that I'm very thankful of all kind of feed back. And my biggest apologize of all the mistakes in the text (English is my second language). Thanks for reading! 


	2. Chapter 2

Man was leaving. She heard his footsteps drawing further away. Sara was cradled on her side, holding her stomach. She heard a door slam. The voice made her startle.

It all went quiet.

She started shaking. The fear almost made her stop breathing. Her breath came out in short gasps which soon turned out hysterical sobs. She fought against losing it and tried to get off the floor. The pain sent her crashing back. She realised that she was bleeding.

_I need to call help. I need to get out of here... _

She started crawling towards her bag. She hadn't realised that her cell was already ringing. Greg had been trying to call her for who knows how long. Her hands were shaking and head spinning so that she dropped the phone a few times before finally managing to flick it open. She heard Greg's voice but she couldn't get a word what he was saying. Hearing his voice only made her cry harder.

"...Oh god, help! Please help me!...", Sara hardly got said behind the sobbing.

"Sara?... Sara you need to calm down! I can't hear you! You need to tell me what happened?! Sara where are you?". Sara didn't hear what he was saying or more than that she couldn't answer him. She started to panic. "Sara calm down! Sara, listen to me, okay? Just listen to me, I'm only few blocks away from your place. Are you there..."

"Oh god... just help me! Please...please Gr...", Sara dropped the phone.

* * *

"Goddamned!" Greg threw his cell away and speeded up. He had no idea what was going on or where Sara even was at the moment. All he knew was that something really bad had happened. He finally got in front of apartment building where Sara had moved only a couple of weeks ago. He had helped her to move in. Sara's car was in its plot so she was either at home or at least somewhere near.

Greg stepped out of the car in the middle of a rainstorm and locked the doors while running towards the building. He pressed madly every summer button before the door finally got open. He ran inside and straight to the 3rd floor taking three steps at time.

"Sara?! Are you there? Sara please pick up!!", Greg pleaded, and kept banging the door with her hand.

_Spare key... use your own key that she gave you... _

Greg started looking for his keys from his pocket.

"...Where the hell is it...", He started to lose his temper while picking the right key from the middle of ten other. After he finally found it, it only took a second before he had rushed in and was calling out Sara's name.

He saw a figure lying on the ground a few feet away.

"Sara? Oh my god...".

Sara was lying on the floor, curled up like an infant. She was half naked. Clothes she had still on were ripped. There was blood spatters on her and around her. Her face was bleeding. He saw a hint of bloodstains in her thighs. He was starting to get the picture what had happened. Sara's eyes were glassed and staring front of her seeing nothing. She was weeping fragmentarily. Her face was wet with tears.

"Oh God... it's okay...", Greg whispered with a soothing voice and tried to reach her. Sara whimpered and flinched in his touch and started inching away from him. She was already in shock and Greg wasn't even sure if she recognised it was him.

"Shh... Sara, it's okay. It's okay, it's just me Greg. I'm not gonna hurt you", Greg tried to calm her down when he saw the horror rising into her eyes. "It's okay. I'm not gonna hurt you" Greg repeated and lifted his hands up looking Sara straight into eye.

Greg looked around, searching something to cover her. He grabbed Sara's cell from the floor and dialled 911.

"911. How can I help you?"

"Yes! I need an ambulance. My friend is hurt. Someone has attacked her..." Greg said and grabbed a blanket from Sara's bed.

"What is your location, sir?"

Greg gave the address and hanged up. He put the cell on table and knelt in front of Sara.

"It's okay... I'm only going to cover you with this blanket, okay? Can I do that?" Greg spoke softly. Sara didn't answer but she didn't look as scared as earlier either, so Greg slowly wrapped the blanket around her. Sara closed her eyes and relaxed a little. Greg saw a tear run down her face. He hesitated for a while before getting the courage to touch her hair.

Sara didn't pull away, but her expression made it also pretty clear that she didn't want him to touch her, so Greg reluctantly pulled away. He sat cross-legged in front of Sara and waited for the ambulance.

_Oh God, what they have done to you...,_ Greg thought. He only sat there, his face hard as a rock and watched her friend until the voice of sirens getting closer reached on his ears.

"It's all gonna be okay. I promise..." Greg whispered before he got up and went to let the paramedics in.


	3. Chapter 3

Catherine was doing her paperwork. Grissom was gone for three weeks and she was replacing his position as a supervisor.

There was ten minutes left of her shift. Her mind was already hovering in home and Lindsey and a glass of wine after working like crazy the whole day. Phone interrupted her thoughts.

"Willows." She didn't stop writing her report.

"Look, I have worked double already...Okay. Okay fine, I'll do this, but after my day is over the case is all yours." Catherine hanged the phone and signed the report before rising from her desk and heading out of her office to grab her coat and kit. She drove to the hospital and saw that the time was already close to eleven.

She was walking through the hall, when she spotted someone very familiar sitting there.

"Greg?" Catherine called out and walked over to meet him. Greg lifted his head a bit to see her. His whole expression was hardened and he didn't exactly look like much of a conversation.

"Catherine?" Greg asked slightly bewildered. His voice sounded cold and casual.

"I'm covering a friend and getting a case started. 29 years old female, mugged and raped... What are you doing here?" Greg only stared Catherine who soon became a bit confused. "What? Is she someone you know...?" Catherine asked and opened the case file.

_Victims last name: Sidle_

_First name: Sara_

"Oh my God..." She breathed out and went pale. _How on hell did I miss that!!_ She took a short glance at Greg rushing into the examination room. Curtains were half closed around a cubicle. She saw a figure lying on her side, her back towards her so she couldn't see the face. She was wearing a hospital gown and her body was half covered with a blanket.

Catherine put her kit quietly on a table and took a step closer. She wasn't exactly sure what to say. Sara didn't even know that she was standing right behind her.

_How to tell that I know what happened to you without humiliating you more than you must be already?_

"Sara?" she asked softly and took another step towards her. She still couldn't see her face, but she definitely saw her become tense. Sara moved a little but didn't turn around. Catherine realised she didn't want to face her. She heard footsteps behind her and turned around. She saw a nurse and went to see her.

"Hi, I'm Catherine Willows, CSI", she said shortly and took a quick glance behind her shoulder. "How is she doing?"

"She has one broken rib, stitches in the back of her head. No fractures in her face, but her nose was displaced and she has some cuts and bruises all over her body. The concussion is pretty bad. It seems like someone used her head as a hammer..." Nurse gave details.

Catherine was only able to listen. Her blood went cold only hearing what had happened to her.

"She agreed to take some sedative so she should be able to talk now. She was in quite a shock when they brought her. Son of a bitch did pretty good job violating her..."

"Did Greg... I mean that man over there, was he the one who brought her?" Catherine asked after clearing her throat first. She tried to hide how upset she truly was.

"Yeah, he arrived with her. Someone you know?" Catherine sighed heavily and rubbed her forehead.

"They're both my colleagues. I'm her superior and supervisor. I don't think I can process the rape kit. I mean I think it would be too much for her"

"I understand. Doctor Rimes can do it. But I think it might be easier for her if there would be someone familiar with her...female I mean", Nurse said.

Catherine nodded and after the nurse left she turned around and went back to Sara.

"Sara? Can you hear me?" Catherine spoke softly and came closer. Sara was cradled up on the other side of the gurney, so Catherine was able to sit slightly on the edge of the bed without coming too close. Sara didn't answer. Catherine saw her stare in front of her. Catherine placed her hand on her shoulder and patted it gently with her thumb. "I'm so sorry..." Catherine whispered.

Sara only closed her eyes and pulled her arms up to cover her face.

* * *

Sara couldn't watch Catherine in the whole time.

She was talking to her, trying to calm her. It didn't help. The forensic exam was like another assault. She bit her lip and closed her eyes when doctor was taking swabs. She felt herself exposed. Humiliated. She was too ashamed to look anyone in to eye.

"You are doing great Sara." Catherine said and touched Sara's shoulder.

"Okay. It's over now", doctor said and helped Sara to put her legs down. Catherine saw a wince on her face when she moved herself up a little. "You need to take these pills." doctor said and handed a cup and some water to Sara. Sara swallowed them and after that wrapped her arms tightly around herself.

_God, let this be over already..._

"I can do the pictures and rest of the stuff", Catherine said to the doctor.

"Okay. I'll come and check on you later." Doctor said to Sara and gave her a comforting look before she left the cubicle and pulled the curtains close behind her.

Sara didn't look at Catherine. She closed her eyes again and rested her head to her fist.

"Sara I need you to take off that gown..." Catherine said while she was putting her camera ready. She hated to put Sara through this, but they both knew it had to be done.

Reluctantly Sara sat up. It was hard for her. Not only mentally, but she also had difficulties to open her gown.

"Here, let me help you", Catherine whispered and leaned closer to open the strings. Sara didn't argue with the help. But she couldn't help getting stiff either. Catherine felt it and kept her movements slow. They stayed close for a while. Catherine wrapped her arms more tightly around Sara and hugged her.

"It's okay..." Sara didn't return the hug. Catherine stroked her hair before pulling away.

Sara was looking to an opposed direction. Catherine didn't rush her to pull the gown down a little, so that she was able to take pictures of her injuries. She started from her wrists. When Sara finally managed to pull the gown down, Catherine tried hard to cover her reaction. Air ran away from her lungs. She tried to stay calm when she saw the bite marks and bruises on her body. She took the pictures and after that circulated behind her.

"Can you lift your arms for me?" Catherine asked. Sara struggled to get her arms up so that her co-worker could take the evidence of the bruises and scratches in her back. Bruises which had came when her back was rubbing against the floor.

"Okay, I think we are done now...You have been really brave Sara", Catherine said and put the camera away. Sara didn't answer. She was only interested to get even some clothes on. Catherine came closer and closed the strings for her. She helped her back in her bed and covered her with the blanket. Sara drew her knees up against her chest and wrapped her arms tightly around them. Catherine pulled a chair for herself and sat next to her. She took a deep breath. _Why do I need to torture her..._

"I need to ask you some questions, after that you can get some rest. I promise." Catherine said. For her surprise Sara managed a small nod.

"Okay let's start about what happened, shall we? Do you think you're able to tell me?" Sara gazed blindly in front of her. Her eyes started glistering when she recalled the night in her mind.

"I got home... after shift... I ordered some take out. After they brought it I heard an other knock on the door...he-aa...he...",

Sara lost her voice. Her breathing came faster. She couldn't handle it twice on the same evening.

"It's okay. It's okay Sara, we don't need to do this tonight. It can wait later." Catherine said and put her notebook on side. She hurried to hug Sara who broke down and started to cry again. Sara didn't change her position but she buried her head into Catherine's stomach.

"God... I...can't stop... I couldn't stop...he..." Sara cried. Catherine realised that Sara wasn't even close to ready to talk because her mind was still hovering between past and present time.

"Shh... It's okay. No one can hurt you anymore. Honey, you're safe now." Catherine soothed while she held her tight and patted her hair until Sara was out of tears and fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey...", Sara heard a soft voice behind her and looked over her shoulder. She saw Greg stepping in the balcony. He placed his coat on her shoulders and after that leaned against the rail. "I thought you quit..." Greg commented about the cigarette in Sara's hand. Sara pulled a drag.

"Yeah well... I really needed it", Sara answered and glanced Greg shortly. Greg gave her a sympathetic smile. Sara couldn't help to smile back a little. Greg's smile made always feel her better, no matter the circumstances.

"Is your head still hurting?" Greg went back serious. Sara took another drag before answering.

"Yeah, a little. Doctor said it might keep a while..." Sara answered. Her voice was somewhat quiet. She had a great bruise on her face and a bandage in a corner of her eye. Otherwise she seemed to be okay at the moment. Her hair was tied into a loose ponytail and she was wearing a hood and jeans that Greg had brought for her. "What time is it?" Sara asked.

"Almost 7.30. Sofia is waiting downstairs. Don't worry, we have no rush." Greg assured. Sara only nodded. The concussion had kept Sara at the hospital for a one day. She had slept most the time, caused by the stress and strong medication they were giving her for her headache.

"You know, you don't necessarily need to stay for the whole night..." Sara started.

"No actually I do. I really can use a break of my lovely neighbours who are sending the message of their divorce for everyone from here to Michigan", Greg said with a smile. He was happy to hear Sara laugh. He was barely able to hear it but it still definitely was a laughter.

Sara finished her cigarette and went back inside. Greg followed her. Her whole body was aching which made her actions slower and more troubled than usual. Greg helped her into her own jacket and grabbed a plastic bag where all her stuffs were, before they headed to the elevator.

"You sure you don't want a wheelchair? It's doesn't make you look any weaker y'know..." Greg recommended.

"Thanks. But no thanks," Sara refused the offer. Although she regretted it later when her normal headache soon turned like a bad migraine. On their way home every bump on the road felt like she was hit in the back of her scull with a baseball bat.

"You're hanging in there, Sara?" Sofia asked behind the wheel.

"Mmm-hm", Sara hymned as an answer and tried to make it sound believable.

"We're almost there", Sofia comforted. Sara felt relieved when the car finally stopped and Sofia cut the engine. They were finally home. Sara opened her eyes. Her movements felt rigid and awkward. She stepped out of the car and slowly pulled the hood over her head. Sofia and Greg exchanged looks.

"Just cold..." Sara mumbled tiredly and wrapped her arms around her chest.

"Okay. Let's go..." Sofia said softly and placed her hand against Sara's back. Greg was holding the door open for them as they started walking slowly towards the building. Sara's head was spinning slightly when she took her first step and before she even realised her legs had started to buckle.

"Wow! Easy there..." Sofia said and took a hold of Sara before she fell. Greg hurried to help her. They assisted Sara to sit on the ground and Sofia knelt next to her so that the brunette was able to lean on her.

"She should still be at the hospital..." Sofia stated and rubbed Sara's back.

"No I'm..." Sara mumbled. "I just need something...this pain y'know...". Greg and Sofia had a short, speechless conversation. Sofia shook her head and turned her attention back to Sara.

"Okay, do you think you can walk?" She asked. With Sofia's and Greg's help Sara managed to lift her self back on her feet and together they started walk again. Every step felt like a stabbing and she was more than happy when they finally reached the third floor. Greg opened the door of her apartment and stepped in. Sara instead was like nailed on the floor. Suddenly she was afraid.

_It's your own home Sidle_, She tried to make herself reasonable.

"It's okay..." Sofia whispered and rubbed her back. Sara took a look at Sofia and saw her smile encouragingly.

_Since when you have become such a wussy. You went through your childhood, something lot worse, remember..._, Sara thought and finally forced herself to step in. Greg guided her into her bedroom and helped her to sit down. She tried to take off her coat but couldn't do it without Greg's always so heartfelt help.

"God, I'm so tired..." Sara whispered and rubbed her face. Greg knelt down to take off her shoes.

"It's okay. You'll get some rest now. And you can sleep as long as you like, I'll promise to try to not wake you..." Greg chatted.

"Here, take these and you should feel better..." Sofia came in with two pills and a glass of water. She handed them to Sara who swallowed them.

"Thank you", Sara said quietly. "For everything...". Sofia smiled and leaned down to touch her shoulder.

"Anytime", Sofia said before leaving the room. Greg helped Sara to lie down and covered her with a blanket. He sat beside her.

"Are you sure you don't want to take that hood off? It looks kinda heavy..." Greg asked and looked worried. Sara shook her head. "I'll leave the door cracked. If there's anything, anything at all, just call me, I'll be right there on your couch", Greg said and touched her hair slightly.

Sara looked anxious.

"Greg... Stupid question...but did you check that the door is locked?" Sara asked with tired voice. It looked like she was a bit high or something. Her eyes were hazy.

"It's locked. And after Sofia leaves I'll double check it and make sure that the chain is also in its place." Greg promised. Sara looked to relax a little.

"Thank you. I'm glad you're my friend." Sara smiled weakly. Greg smiled to her and leaned down a pit.

"I'm glad that you are my best friend Sidle. Now, try to get some sleep" Greg said and kissed her forehead before he got up and went into kitchen were Sofia was waiting him.

"Last time I visited here there was a lot more blood around..." Sofia said with a low voice when she saw Greg coming.

"Yeah well, I cleaned up a little when I grabbed her clothes", Greg said. "She asked me today that how many people knows what happened to her. I couldn't give her an answer…" Greg said quietly while discarding his jacket.

"No one. Only you, me, Catherine and the CSI who is working with this case. And he's from an other shift. Catherine made sure that this stays as a secret as long as Sara says otherwise. The lab is different than what your team usually uses and more than that they can't speak about the cases not even between the other employees in the lab. And after Cath visited there last one night, well, let's just say that I'm sure they are following the orders for this time...You can assure Sara that no body knows if that is what she worries." Sofia said. Greg nodded and ran his hand through his hair. He understood why Sara didn't want anyone to know. If he could only get her to realise that it wasn't her fault and that she didn't have anything to be ashamed of.

Sofia's radio called her and she needed to answer it. Greg went in the living room and took off his shirt and shoes. He felt like ready to lie down for a while. Not that he'd be able to sleep or anything, but still... it had been a long day.

"I have to go. Call me if you need anything okay?"

"Okay. Thanks Sofia" Greg said. He walked her to door and after that triple checked the lock and save-chain just like he had promised to Sara.

He sighed quietly and leaned his head against the heavy wood door.

_This isn't real... This is just some bad dream... some really bad dream..._


	5. Chapter 5

Sara shuddered when she heard a knock. She shivered when she realised that the water had went cold. She was sitting on a tiled floor under a shower.

"Is everything okay? You have been there quite a while..." Greg asked unsure through the door. Sara wiped tears away from her cheeks and reached up to close the water.

"Yeah...I'm fine", Sara answered and started to get herself up from the floor. Sara hadn't realised that she had been there almost an hour. Her skin was red after trying to wash away the feeling of him on her. Inside her. The feeling of being foul.

"Good. I just got a bit worried" Greg sounded relieved. "Look, I'm gonna go get your mail from down stairs...?"

Sara felt a horror rising when she realised that she would be left alone.

"No!" she yelped without thinking and regretted it right away. She closed her eyes and swore quietly.

"No...? Okay, no problem we can grab it on a way out..."

"No I just meant... it's okay go ahead" Sara said and started towelling herself.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Greg, I'm sure" Sara said convincing enough to get Greg leave. Greg promised to be back in a second. Sara cursed herself for acting like a fool. She started dressing. It all still hurt. She closed her pants and reached for a top that was lying on a toilet cover. She pulled it on and walked in front of a mirror. She studied her picture. Half of her nose and cheek was still bruised. She touched the corner of her eye. The cut was healing up.

_Not so bad, couple days more and make-up will cover this. No one will notice... _

Her eyes hit a little lower and she saw bite marks below her collarbone and in her chest. She stared at them. Her fingers started wandering closer to them and touched one slightly. She felt the teeth marks. She remembered when he sank his teeth into her flesh. She started rubbing them, hoping that they would fade away. Seeing them was like he would be on her again. She remembered how she was pinned under him when he was...

A door slam pulled her back from her flash back. Sara took a deep breath and quickly pulled herself back together. She stepped away from the mirror and exited the bathroom. She left her towel on a back of a chair and put her socks and shoes on. After pulling on a fresh hood she felt like ready. Greg was waiting in the kitchen and greeted her with a smile.

"Your mail is on a table. Do you want breakfast?"

"No I'm good" Sara said and without noticing wrapped her arms around her chest.

"Are you sure? Not even coffee?" Sara sat down and started to check her mail.

"Okay, maybe some coffee. And you don't need to be my servant me y'know", Sara said. Greg set a cup of steaming coffee on the table and sat opposite her.

"Yeah, but I like it" He said with a wide grin.

"Okay what ever then... thanks", Sara laughed softly and took a sip. "How long is it before your shift gets started?"

"About an hour. But I can still ask Cath if she'd give me another day off..."

"No, Greg. It's okay, I can handle it by myself", Sara said. Greg wanted to say that after the hearing she might think different, but he remained silent. He waited Sara to finish her coffee before helping her into her jacked and guiding her out of the apartment.

* * *

Catherine was looking through a mirror and following the conversation between three people in the room. No one in the interrogation room knew that she was there. Her eyes were focused on Sara, who was just telling Sofia and Gary, the other CSI, what had happened.

"...He forced himself in and hit me a couple times... He hit my head against the floor. I think that was when I lost my consciousness..." Sara spoke. Catherine couldn't let her eyes go of Sara. She looked totally different than in the last time she had saw her. Last time she was hysterical, traumatized, and still deep in shock. Now she seemed calmer, more like herself. Sara's eyes were staring at the mug of water she was holding. "When I woke up...". Her hands started shaking a little. She was gritting her teeth together. Catherine felt anger growing inside of her.

_Who ever do this to her, I swear... _

"...He... raped me, kicked me a few times and left..." Sara managed to finish. Her eyes were glistering and she turned her head away for a while. There was a short silence. Sofia cleared her throat and leaned forward a little.

"You said earlier that he was wearing a black hood and jeans, right?" Sara managed a small nod.

"Do you think you would be able to describe him a little more specific? Like what he looked like? What kind of hair he had? Any birthmarks…scars… Anything like that." Gary asked. His voice was gently and compassionated. Catherine was happy this was Gary's case. She knew him pretty well. She knew that he was an excellent criminalist and more than that, she knew his history with the sex crimes unit and how he knew how to handle the victims.

"He was white...short hair I think...Taller than me...I'm sorry I didn't get a good look at his face. He had his hood on and I couldn't see much after he smacked my head on the floor..." Sara said apology.

"It's okay, all the information you gave us has been very helpful", Gary said. Catherine saw the wry smile in Sara's face. Sara was CSI and she knew that the description she just had given was as helpful as telling them that it was a male that raped her. Catherine felt frustrated when she saw Sara's self-blame.

"We found spit on your clothes but the DNA hasn't been identified yet so I was just wondering..."

"It's his. He spit on me before he left."

Catherine felt her rage come back. Her face hardened and she was now clenching her own teeth together so hard it started to hurt.

_I'm so going to kill that motherfucker... _

She missed the rest of the conversation because only thing was able to hear was the noise of her own blood pressure. She felt proud to see how Sara kept herself together and how she was able to be as calm she was, because as herself, she couldn't stay there for any longer. She left the observation room and went back to her office. She tossed her files on the table. It wasn't enough. She wanted to hit something. She wanted to hit that bastard. She wanted to kill him. A pen case on her desk flew away sending half of dozen pens onto the floor.

"God damned!" She was so close to tears that her voice was starting to fade away. She covered her eyes with her hand and leaned against the table. She heard footsteps and lifted her head. Her annoyed expression changed quickly to surprise when she saw Sara standing in the doorway. She forgot her anger at the immediate second.

"I-I'm sorry...I'll come back later", Sara apologized and turned to leave.

"No! No, I'm sorry... come in." Catherine said and hoped she hadn't scared Sara with her behaviour. Sara looked unconfident but decided to stay.

Catherine closed the door and after that turned to faced Sara. They glanced at their other shortly. Sara's look was insecure and she had hard time to know where to focus her eyes. Catherine placed a hand on her shoulder. "How are you holding up?" She asked.

Sara shrugged her shoulders. "Good. I guess." She answered and tried to give a reassuring smile. Catherine smiled her back. Sara looked a bit uncomfortable and she took a step back. "Actually I came here to talk to you about something…" Sara said.

"Take a seat", Catherine gestured and walked behind her table. They both sat down. Catherine noticed that the hood Sara was wearing wasn't hers. Actually she might have seen Greg wearing it once. The fact that Sara was wearing Greg's clothes made her feel... She didn't know what exactly.

"We haven't talk about when I'm coming back to work..." Sara said. "I mean Grissom being gone it's you who I need to discuss about it, right?" Sara continued when Catherine didn't answer right away.

"Yes, that's right. But Sara..." Catherine was about to try to make Sara reasonable.

"I'm fine. My doctor said that I'm ready to come back next week if I like..." Sara stated. Catherine totally disagreed with Sara. The attack had been only a few days ago and more than that, her acting like almost normal after going through what she had just saw less than 15 minutes earlier, was something that made her unconvinced.

"Sara it's too soon." Catherine said. Sara looked like she wasn't going to give up. And knowing how stubborn she was she wasn't going to give up. "Okay. If you feel like ready to come back to work I need both statements before giving you my permission", Catherine said and leaned backwards on her chair.

"Both?"

"From your doctor and the psychologist of the department", Catherine specified. She was watching Sara's reaction carefully. Sara stared her for a while but after that said it was fine by her.

"I have about 3 weeks of vacation days on books. You can take my absence from there." Sara said.

"What? Why not just sick days? You would get your whole salary..." Catherine was a bit confused. Sara started to feel uncomfortable again.

"I don't want Grissom start asking questions when he gets back. Or any these guys!" Sara said anxious. Catherine looked concerned. Sara knew that if she continued the conversation she would soon say something that'd give Catherine reason to not let her come back, so she stood up and tried to calm herself down.

"Look, I'm gonna head back home now. I'll talk you later. And I'll get you what ever statements you need", Sara said.

"Hey, wait a second!" Catherine jumped up. Sara stopped and turned around. Catherine was somewhat confused by Sara's behaviour.

"Do you even have someone to take you there?" she asked more casually when it seemed that their conversation was over.

Sara wasn't looking at her. She was staring the floor under her feet. She leaned slightly against the doorframe and rubbed her forehead.

Acting like a maniac was giving her a headache.

"Greg said he will..." Sara answered and tried to hide her pain.

"When exactly? Because Greg is out in field..." Sara sighed quietly. "Look, I can get someone else to..." Catherine continued.

"No it's okay. I'll take a cab or something..." Sara mumbled before leaving. Catherine could only watch after her before slumping back to her chair.

"Great...back to normal, totally okay, and so on..." She sighed dryly. She gathered her thoughts for a while before grabbing a file from her desk and getting back to that case she was currently working with.


	6. Chapter 6

Catherine had forgot herself in the hallway. Her eyes were staring intently to a room behind a glass wall, where Sara was running fingerprints thought the base to track down their suspect. One week after she had stopped by her office, she didn't heard a word of her. Only what Greg had told about how she was doing. Okay, heard, at least under the circumstances. One week after that Sara had showed up again, with statements that proved her to be physically and mentally okay to return her job, and told her that she would be back on Monday. Her physical condition didn't allow her to go to field before the rib was totally healed, so she spend her time in the lab. Now it had been almost a week since her come back, and she still haven't got a proper change to talk with her. Catherine being in the middle of her own homicide investigation and Sara working her case with Grissom and Greg didn't leave much time to even see their other. And not like Sara had that much interest to see her anyway.

Sara printed the results and took a look at the paper before standing up and leaving. Catherine watched her walking away and sighed quietly.

"Catherine... I need to ask you something..." She head Grissom's voice behind her and turned around.

"No Gil, I'm not doing your paper work again..."

Grissom lifted his head from his documents and smiled.

"No, nothing like that. And thank you for doing it. It was so much easier to come back when you were able to have a fresh start... But back to the thing why I wanted to see you... Do you remember that Benton-case? Last year?"

"Prick raped and killed a 13 years old boy and after that dumped the body in a dumpster... what about it?"

"Well, our victim is this boy's brother. 12 years old, beaten to death, body was found in the alley..." Grissom explained. Catherine's blood was starting to run cold. So this was Sara's case? Kid beaten to death? This was not good...

"Was he also sexually assaulted?" Catherine asked.

"No. But we found evidence that connects these two crimes together. Same kind of hair was found in both of our victims clothing. DNA confirms it's the same person and he's not the one's who killed the older brother. Sara is just doing search for a fingerprint matches..."

"And Sara is done with the fingerprints..." Sara's voice cut Grissom. She joined them and handed a paper to Grissom.

"Prints in Christopher's shirt are the same that was also found in the other crime scene", Sara informed and placed her hands in her back pockets. "They belong to Jimmy Heckley. He has a record of some minor stuff. Nothing that would make him a murderer, but he's a cousin is the one who killed the other boy..." Sara said while Grissom studied the paper. Sara took a look at Catherine and saw that she was watching her.

Sara was wearing combat patterned pants and a brown shirt. Long sleeves reached almost to her knuckles so it was impossible to see if her wrists had still marks on. Catherine tried to make a contact with her through her eyes, but the gaze she gave back was unbreakable.

"I'll go see Greg", Sara said to Grissom before leaving.

Catherine watched her walk away._ If you didn't knew you wouldn't even guess... _Sara's behaviour was as normal as it looked like. It shouldn't be bothering her, but it still did. She sighed heavily and made Grissom to look at her.

"Look Gil, I have an interrogation to go... so the thing you needed me again?"

"Oh, sorry. The thing is that Ecklie is sending me into another case and since I heard that your case is about to be closed I thought if you would give a hand with this one..."

"Sure. I'm just on my way to give the suspect a change to confess, but this case is clear even without it."

"Great! I need someone to be with Greg in a field, since Sara can't do anything outside for another week because of her broken rib..."

"Um... did she.. told you where she got it?" Catherine asked carefully. Grissom clearly didn't know, so she was just curious to know what she had told him. Grissom's pager went off.

"Yeah, she said she fell down the stairs..." Grissom said and reached his pager. "And now you'll excuse me..." he said and hurried his way back to lab.

* * *

"So, tell me the details?" Catherine requested when she entered the room. CD player was on. Greg and Sara turned their attentions to Catherine and Greg reached behind him to put the music down a bit. Sara tossed the case file in front of the empty seat as an order to take a seat. Catherine sat down and took the file.

"12 year old male, beaten to death with bare hands, some teenagers found him from the alley and called help. No signs of sexual abuse. And as you already heard the fingerprints are matching with his older brother's case. The hair most likely belongs also to Heckley." Sara explained and took a sip of her coffee.

"There were marks on the victim's face. Looks like a ring or something", Greg continued and slide a picture across the table. Catherine took a look at the picture and saw something very familiar in it. "There wasn't much of evidence at the crime scene. Guy who did this only dumped his body over there..."

"So Heckley is our main suspect?" Catherine asked. She was still staring the picture.

"At this moment, yes. And this far, there is no evidence of any other persons involved, so I think that he's the one who did it. It can't be in the both crime scenes by accident. Especially when we are talking about brothers here..." Greg gave his opinion.

"How come we couldn't identify this guy last year?" Catherine frowned.

"He didn't have a record last year. He turned just 19 in last month", Sara said.

"What about the parents? Or other family?"

"Both parents were drug addicts. Father killed their mother when they were little. They lived in foster care. No other relatives", Sara said and stopped the file Catherine sent to her with her hand.

"No family, no home, no nothing, end up killed in an early teenager..." Catherine sighed more like by herself.

"Where are with our suspect?"

"He has 'suddenly' gone missing, but we were able to hunt down his girlfriend. Brass is bringing her here... Is there something you see in that picture?" Sara asked when Catherine had been staring it for ages.

"This pattern... I've seen it before...just can't figure out where exactly..." Sara's pager went off.

"The girlfriend is here", she said shortly and stood up. She gulped down the rest of her coffee and after that headed to the interrogation. Sofia was already there.

"Sara Sidle, CSI", she gave a short introduce and sat beside Sofia.

"Okay, what u want from me on this time?" girl asked annoyed.

"We want to know where your boyfriend is", Sofia said. Sara only stared at the young girl. And not in a nice way.

"I ain't have a boyfriend"

"Jimmy Hecley"

"I dunno even who that guy is!"

"You don't? Then why have you been calling him this morning?"

"Like I said, I - don't - know..."

"Shut up! We are looking him of a murder of a 12 year old! So either you're gonna help us and tell where he is or you will be in trouble by yourself, you got that?" Sofia cut her. Girl looked went nervous.

"Look lady, I don't know where he is!"

"Yes you do! And don't lie to me! I know he has been calling you a lot in these last few days and I know you talked with him this morning, so you must know where he is"

"But I don't! Last thing I know is that he was going to go see his cousin and after that he was heading somewhere in L.A."

"When was the last time you saw him?" Sara asked.

"A couple days ago... he dropped by... talked something about how he had finished something and that he needed to take off or something... I dono... he was acting weird"

"Maybe because he had just killed the little brother of the boy who his cousin raped and killed..." Sofia said and narrowed her eyes. "What do you know about these murders?" The girl started tapping the table with her fingernail. She wasn't much of dealing with a pressure. And she didn't look like she wanted to be a part of the mess her boyfriend was into. Or then the quick mood changes were all just cause of a fact that she was still in her high.

"Look, Jimmy will kill me if I'll talk to you..." She said. Her expression changed from arrogant to afraid.

"Jimmy will be jail for the rest of his life. We just need you to tell us what you know. Look, Rachel, we are talking about little boys here. They were 12 and 13. We know Jimmy's cousin raped and killed Matthew and that Jimmy had also something to do with it. And now we know that Jimmy killed Christopher. You got to help us to find him..." Sofia said and softened her voice a bit.

"Look, all I know, is that those boys were working for Jimmy's cousin. Matthew was keeping JK's drugs in his backpack and he paid him for it. Then something went wrong, he lost a package or something, I don't really know, but it was something that really pissed JK off..."

"You think they were using these boys? Before they raped Matthew"

"...oh u mean..? No! Or at least Jimmy wasn't. It was JK who liked boys... I heard them talk once...JK was drunk and he was recalling it how he loved the way he screamed when he fucked him.. I guess he was talking about the time when he also killed him..."

"But why did Jimmy have to kill the other brother a year after?"

"I dunno..."

"You know that much about the first murder and you don't know anything about the one your boyfriend did..."

"I honestly don't know! Maybe that little bastard was fucking stealing from him!" Girl yelled and made Sofia jump up and lean forward on the table.

"This little 'bastard' was only 12 years old! He was beaten to death and dumped on the alley! Wanna see a picture of his body?" Sofia almost yelled. She was expecting Sara to show it but nothing happened.

"Sara? Sara!" Sara was staring at the table and she startled when she heard her name. She saw Sofia watch her with a deep frown. Her look was asking if she was okay.

"Excuse me..." Sara mumbled and exited the room. Sofia looked after her somewhat confused.

"What's her problem...?" Girl mumbled and made Sofia turn her annoyed look at her. She grabbed a picture from the file and tossed it in front of the girl and made her shut her mouth. Sofia exited the room and slammed the door shut behind her. She tried to get a look at Sara but she was gone.

* * *

Catherine parked her car beside Sara's and got out. It was early morning. She got in with the same door opening when someone came out. Sara's file had given her the address. After wandering around the third floor for a while she finally believed it was the right apartment and knocked the door twice. No answer. She knocked again, a bit harder this time. After a while there finally were footsteps behind the door.

"Sara, it's me, Catherine. Please open up..." She heard Sara pull the safe chain off and open the lock. Door slowly got open. Sara watched her and lifted slightly her eye brown in surprise. "Hi..." Catherine said and took a glance at Sara. Her clothes were crumpled and eyes were slightly red.

"Sorry, I was just sleeping..." Sara said when she noticed that Catherine was looking at her. Catherine realised had she slept with all of her clothes on.

"Can I come in?" Catherine asked. Sara didn't look exactly thrilled about the idea, but she took a step aside and leaned against the door nub. Catherine whispered small thanks and stepped in.


	7. Chapter 7

It was all black... she was pulled under something... something heavy... it was him! He was there to kill her... She tried to get away but he was on her again... Oh God...she was able to smell him again. She was screaming... she felt his breath in her skin... he was inside her skin. His hands were all over her... He was biting her neck when... **_knock, knock_**

Sara startled awake. She jumped into a sitting position and slammed her hand on her neck. The feeling of him made her shudder.

_Just a dream...it was just a dream_.

Sara sighed in relief and tried to get her breathing stabilised. Her heart was pounding so hard it almost hurt. Sheets were tangled around her. She heard another knock. There was someone on the door. She kicked herself free and went to open the lock of her bedroom door. There was two ways to get out of her bedroom: other door led to the living room and other one was more like a wall that either made your bedroom like a real room or gave more space, what ever felt best. Right now she wanted it as closed as possible. Sara slid the door open and closed it behind her. She looked through an eye hole and saw Catherine standing in the hall way.

_What in heck she wants?_

"Sara, it's Catherine. Please open up..." She slid the chain off and opened the door. "Hi..." Catherine said and asked if she could come in. Sara stepped a side and allowed her entry. She closed the door and turned around to face Catherine. There was a short silence.

"Can't say this wouldn't be a surprise..." Sara was honest. Catherine watched Sara and let out a short laughter. She had to admit that it certainly wasn't something she had imagined to ever happen either.

She became serious again.

"I need to talk to you about yesterday", Catherine said. Sara sighed silently and rubbed her neck. It was sticky with sweat. Much like were all of her clothes too.

"Look, I need to get change first..." Sara said. "Go ahead, I'll be back in sec", Sara said and went back to her bed room closing the door behind her.

Catherine walked slowly around the apartment. A short wall- counter combination was separating the kitchen of the living room. There were a few green plants and some book on the wall. Next to it in the "living room's side" was a dinning table with a laptop on it. There was a blue carpet on a wooden floor. Bookcases covered most of the walls. Next to a corner was a stereo system on a table and a lot of CDs around it. Catherine walked closer and noticed a broken CD next to the stereo.

She put the pieces together. _SYSTEM OF A DOWN_.

She heard steps and turned around. Sara came behind a corner and went straight to the kitchen to drink some water. Catherine started walking towards her. Sara took something that was on the wall, in her hand and aimed at to Catherine. Catherine almost jumped when she heard gunshots behind her. She took a glance behind her shoulder and saw that the stereo was on.

"Hope you don't mind..." Sara mumbled. 50 Cent wasn't really Catherine's thing, but Sara needed something in the background. Her home, Catherine had just showed up, she didn't need her permission.

"You want something to drink?" Sara asked and leaned against the counter. She crossed her arms on her chest and looked at Catherine.

"No thanks", Catherine said and sat down. "I came to talk about that what happened in that interrogation. Sofia told me about it", Catherine said and looked Sara with concern. Sara turned around and rolled her eyes. She didn't want to talk about it.

_Does it look like you have a choice anymore?_

Sara walked closer but didn't sit opposite Catherine. She wanted to keep the distance and leaned against the couch.

"Look, I'm sorry about that. It won't happen again", Sara said shortly. Her expression was cool. Unbreakable. Catherine was looking straight into her eyes and tried to figure out how to get under the shield Sara was wearing. So much for a small talk, she decided to go straight to the point.

"Honestly, Sara, I don't think you should be working in this case", Catherine said and made Sara laugh dryly.

"So you're stealing my case now?"

"No. I'm just thinking that this isn't the kind of case you should be handling right now", Catherine said. Sara started look rather annoyed. She didn't exactly liked to be treated like she suddenly would be too weak to do her job. And all because some bastard had managed to attack her that one and only time.

"Hey, Catherine, here's an idea: why don't you stop telling me what I should or shouldn't do, okay?" Sara said almost angrily. Catherine didn't take an offence of Sara's behaviour. She saw how uneasy she was. Somewhere in deep of herself she only wanted to hug her and tell her that everything was going to be okay.

"Look, Sara, I didn't come here to argue. I'm just worried how you're doing. Truly I mean…" Catherine said with a softer voice. Sara calmed down a little and turned her head away. Her actions became restless. She felt almost stupid for not being able to keep the control of herself.

"I'm okay. Honestly", Sara said and gave Catherine a reassuring look.

"Then why are you behaving like this?"

"Fine, I'm not 'totally' okay. What did you expect? But I'm hanging in here", Sara said and finally sat opposite Catherine. Cross wised, her back against the wall. This way she didn't need to face Catherine.

There was a short silence. Catherine leaned forward and crossed her hands on the table. Sara rested her forehead against her fist and closed her eyes for a second.

"Sara you don't need to pull that role on me", Catherine said softly. Sara was looking at her feet. "I'm not just your older colleague; I'm also your friend. Just let me help you..." Sara didn't answer.

"Look, I'm not telling you what to do, but I'm just saying, that I think you should talk to someone. You don't need to try to get through this all by yourself", Catherine said. Sara raised her head, but didn't look to Catherine. Her face was troubled when she tried to keep herself together.

"I don't want to talk about it..." Sara's voice was almost a whisper. Catherine heard the trembling in Sara's voice.

"I'm not saying it should be me who you talk, but I'm saying you should talk to someone", Catherine said. Sara laughed ironically when she remembered something and turned her eyes to Catherine. She looked pissed.

"Well, I talked with that psychologist you made me see. Didn't give me the permission to work again without two hour conversation", Sara said. Catherine sighed.

_So much of that connection..._

"It's the nature of this job and you know it", Catherine explained why she had put the psychologist's statement as a term of coming back this soon. Sara didn't have a change to answer before her cell started ringing. She took it from the table and took a look who was calling. She flipped the cover open.

"Hey Greg..." Catherine leaned backwards in her seat. "...no, no I wasn't...ok...okay, see you then", Sara placed the cell back on the table.

"Is Greg coming over?" Catherine asked. She didn't even need Sara's nod to know. Sara sighed heavily and rubbed her forehead.

"I'm sorry Catherine. For losing my temper", Sara apologized. Catherine leaned forward and touched Sara's arm slightly. Sara lifted her head and met Catherine's eyes.

"Look, I need to go pick Lindsey now. Will I see you at work later?" Catherine asked. She decided it would be better to try to talk with Sara some other time. When there was a better moment.

"Yeah... I'll see you then", Sara said. She stood up and walked Catherine to her door. She opened it and let the blond walk out. She hesitated for a moment before opening her mouth. "Hey, Cath!" Catherine turned around her eyes in question. Sara tried madly figure out what to say. "I really appreciate your concern. That you came here... I didn't mean to be as bitch as I just was..." Sara said. Catherine stared at her for a moment and smiled shortly after that.

"Like I said Sidle, I'm your friend", Catherine said and made Sara smile a little. "I'll see ya later…" Catherine told before she turned and walked away.


	8. Chapter 8

Catherine walked in a locker room and found Sara sitting on the bench. She was changing her shoes and lifted her head when she heard steps.

"Oh, hi!"

"Hey. Actually you're the one I was looking for..." Sara put her leg back down and turned to face Catherine, who sat opposite her. "That pattern in that boy's face, I found out what it means", Catherine said and handed a picture of it to Sara.

"Really?"

"Yeah. You see this thing going around CA?"

"Like a snake..."

"Precisely. I had this case a couple of years ago, double homicide. Guy name Calvin Johnson had a same kind of ring".

"Who was he?" Sara asked while she was studying the picture.

"Bastard who ran a drug business with his brother. He killed a man and he's girlfriend over some reds. Anyway, I did some research and found out that only nine person has this ring"

"Oh, please tell me that Heckley is one of them..." Sara started to realise where Catherine was getting at.

"Unfortunately no. You need to be a member of the Johnson family to get it." Catherine said and made Sara groan in frustration.

"So we are looking for another suspect?" She asked, not believing this was happening. They had been so close to close this case.

"I'm afraid so. But the good news is that since only 9 people has the ring and four of them is in jail, it leaves only 5. And other good thing is that this doesn't leave Heckley out of charges. We have all the evidence against him. The only thing now is to do our job perfect enough to make sure that no one involving this little boy's murder is not gonna get away of this." Catherine said. Sara nodded and handed the picture back.

"Greg is so gonna be thrilled once he hears about this..." Sara said wryly.

"He's taking this personally?"

"Yeah... this is his first murdered kid." Sara said and rubbed her face. Catherine put the picture back to its file.

"What about you? How are you holding up? This is a nasty case..." Catherine asked.

"Nah, I've been doing this for a while. This doesn't even reach the top 5" Sara answered and looked Catherine into eye. Catherine gave her a small sympathizing smile and reached to squeeze Sara's shoulder. Just an innocent gesture, but Sara instinctively snapped away when she touched her.

_Wait... did she just flinch?_

Catherine realised to pull back. Sara realised Catherine had noticed what just happened and felt awkward. She hadn't meant to react like that and she was just about to say it aloud when Greg's head popped in the doorway.

"Hey Sara, we gotta go!" Greg hurried her.

"We are on our way to go check place where Heckley might have been," Sara explained and stood up.

"Okay, I'll start trace down the other suspect.." Catherine said. Their gazes were still locked together.

"What suspects?" Greg was confused. Sara broke the eye contact and turned to face Greg.

"Heckley isn't our only suspect anymore... C'mon let's go, I'll tell you on the way..." Sara said and half pushed Greg out.

* * *

"Are you seeing that dancer tonight?" Sara asked Greg while they were walking down the parking hall. 

"Her name is Annabel and no, I'm not seeing her tonight, so you wanna do something?" Greg asked. Sara frowned and turned to Greg.

"What do you mean you're not seeing her? It must been almost two weeks since you met her last..." Greg only shrugged his shoulders and started looking for his car keys.

"Nah, it didn't work out. Too chicky to me..." Greg said nonchalant and made Sara burst laughter.

"Too chicky to you..? Since when you have start prefer intelligence over look?"

"Since I turned CSI and started to comb my hair" Greg said playfully. They came to Greg's car. "So, what's it gonna be, do we have a date tonight?"

"I dunno... I think I'll just stay home..." Sara said.

"You want me to drop by later?" Greg asked and opened the door of his car, and threw his pack bag in. Sara shrugged her shoulders and said that at least she didn't have anything against it. "Great. I'll just visit quickly at my place to get a shower and get a movie or something. I'll bring some breakfast with me" Greg said before he hopped inside.

"Ok-ay…See you then..." Sara said and waved goodbye before she started walking towards her own car. She was surprised to see someone very familiar walking towards her. She realised Catherine had probably overheard their conversation.

"Wow, you're leaving early..." Sara made a comment and took a few steps towards Catherine. Catherine spread her arms and smiled weakly.

"I guess getting home early to be with my daughter at least once a week wouldn't harm..." Catherine said. Sara smiled a little. "I traced the suspects and it turned out that only three of them are still in city. Locating them is a bit harder, though", Catherine said. "What did you got?"

"Nothing. At least yet. Beer cans we found at the scene are in lab for DNA and you can tell that someone has been there recently, but obviously he forgot to leave us a note where he went next. But he isn't in L.A. like that girl told us."

"So we know who did this but we just can't get them…" Catherine sighed. Sara mumbled a quiet "yeah" and after that there was a short silence. Catherine looked Sara carefully before opening her mouth.

"Look Sara, I'm sorry about that what happened earlier today, I didn't mean to...".

"No... no, it's okay. I'm sorry, my fault. I just... it was a reflex, didn't mean to flinch. Thrust me, it has nothing to do with you" Sara rambled and tried to smile, but gave it up after she realised how fake it must have looked like. She lowered her look.

"It's okay. I totally understand" Catherine said. She half slipped the words out of her mouth, but for her fortune Sara didn't seem to take an offence. Or at least she didn't look like it. She didn't mean to mention the attack in every time they talked. "So time with Greg? I happened to overhear you conversation..." Catherine said and changed the subject.

"Yeah. Probably just hanging out and taking a few beers or something. Listening Marilyn Manson… He probably brings it anyway", Sara answered. She still wasn't looking to Catherine. "Have a great evening. Or day should be called better" Catherine wished.

"You too. Tell Lindsey I said hi", Sara told and lifted her head. She changed looks with Catherine before leaving.

"I will", Catherine said and watched Sara walk away before getting to her own car.

* * *

"Good evening..." Greg said cheerfully when he entry the room, and went straight to his locker. To his surprise Catherine didn't answer. Instead she went to close the door almost straight after Greg had got in. Catherine came back to Greg and crossed her arms on her chest. Greg looked confused. 

"I want to ask you something. About Sara" Catherine said. Her face looked serious.

"O-kay..."

"You spent a lot of time together, right?" Greg barely got change to say yes. "Then you should be able to tell me how she is doing? And don't just say okay or fine because if I'd like to hear that I could ask Sara herself. I want to know the truth." Catherine demanded. Greg put his coat into his locker and slammed it shut. He was almost relieved that Catherine was so eager to know. He wanted so badly to speak with someone about Sara, but he wasn't sure if he could talk anything behind her back. He sighed and pulled his jacket on.

"Look, I stay there almost every night. We spent time together like we use to. She never talks about it. The only thing she wants to do is get on with her life and put this in her past" Greg said. Catherine leaned her back against the lockers.

"Then is there anyone she has or could have talked about it what happened to her? I mean like therapist? A psychologist?" Greg only gave her a look that made Catherine realise how surreal it sounded. Catherine groaned in frustration and run her hand through her hair. She started to be a bit desperate.

"Look, I know. That is exactly how I feel..." Greg said with a quiet voice. Catherine lifted her head and gave Greg an understanding look. She felt guilty because yelling at him only because she was angry and frustrated.

"All I can tell you is that she doesn't talk about it much..." Greg said with a more quiet voice, "I can see how she is suffering. She takes a shower like two times in day. She wakes up screaming almost every night. She needs sleeping pills to survive the night, pain killers to get through the time when she's awake. She doesn't let me to touch her much and it took almost two and a half weeks before I was able to hug her without her getting tense or flinching every time I do so", Greg explained and shut his mouth when someone walked in to get his stuffs. Guy was gone fast and they were left in silence. Greg sat down and leaned against his elbows against his knees.

"She is lucky to have a friend like you", Catherine smiled.

"I'm not so sure about that..." Greg mumbled. He felt bad to not be able to help Sara the way he wanted.

"Actually I'm a bit surprise. I never thought you cared about her this much..." Greg half laughed tiredly. Catherine shrugged her shoulders and bit her lip.

"I know we haven't been exactly best friends in past exactly, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't care about her. And I can't pretend I didn't see what it did to her" Catherine said. "I don't know if it's the same sex or what, but I can't help feel so helpless and damn angry when I see her hurt..." Catherine spoke. Greg remained quiet and only listened when Catherine was speaking.

"We should get back to work." Catherine said. Greg nodded and stood up.

"Oh and hey, Greg?" Greg gave Catherine a questionable look.

"It's not just Sara who got hurt. If you ever feel like you need to talk or..." Catherine offered. Greg smiled a little and nodded.

"Thanks. I appreciate it." Greg said. It felt good to know that since there were only three persons who knew, at least one of them was one to talk to.

* * *

Sara was sitting in one of the labs. Totally focused on what she was doing and unable to hear Nick's approach. Nick saw her once again wrapped inside her world and smiled. He thought to give her a tender surprise since she had been so awfully quiet and introvert lately. 

He sneaked behind her and leaned closer. He was planning to give her a friendly hug and hand the papers in his hand to her right after. What he didn't expect was everything that happened after that. When he was wrapping his arm around Sara's shoulders, Sara all of a sudden screamed and jumped up so furiously that she fumbled with her feet and lost her balance. He was reaching after her when Greg, who he hadn't even spotted being in the same space, came on to him and took a grab of his shirt.

"What the hell you think you're man!?" Greg yelled and threw Nick against the wall. Nick who was a lot bigger than Greg easily tore his hands off and pushed him further.

"What the hell is your problem??" Nick shouted confused. He tried to get a glance at Sara but had his hands full to keep Greg away.

"What's my problem?! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!" Greg screamed and tried to attack Nick but got once again pushed away, witch only made him more irritated.

"What the hell...! Knock it off!! Both of you!" Catherine yelled and made her way between them.

"I'm trying!"

"Greg stop it!" Catherine yelled to Greg who didn't seem to even care her being between them. "Stop it! Calm down goddamned!" Catherine commanded and pushed Greg further from Nick. Greg took a step back and wiped his mouth. He's was panting furiously. His eyes were in fire.

"Jesus... what's up with you man..." Nick yelled showing his hand to him and took a step closer to Greg but was stopped by Catherine who was using her whole body trying to prevent a fistfight.

"I said both of you!" Catherine kept her hands on Nick's chest. Nick saw Sara on the ground and tried to take a step towards her.

"Sara? You okay? I didn't mean to..."

"Don't you even talk to her! YOU STAY A FUCK AWAY FROM HER!!!!" Greg screamed and ran back to Nick again sending them both against a glass wall with a loud crack.

"STOP IT!!" Catherine rushed after them and gripped Greg's hand violently and twisted it backwards before he managed to hit Nick. Nick got a change to push Greg backwards. "For Christ sake you're both grown men, try to behave!" Catherine yelled angry. "Nick, you get out of here!" Catherine told and started pushing him forward the hall. Nick pushed Catherine back a bit so that he could collect his papers from the ground and toss them to the table.

"Sara I'm sorry..." Nick said with miserable voice to Sara who was getting herself back up.

"Go!" Catherine shouted to Nick who reluctantly followed her orders. Hearing Nick say Sara's name made Greg once again took a step towards Nick but he was shortly stopped by furious Catherine.

"Don't even think about it!" Catherine said angry.

"You have issues man!" Nick shouted to Greg from the hallway before he turned and walked away. Even thought he would've loved to get things with Greg finish, he didn't want to get himself suspended. But if Greg ever did that again, there would be no one between them to stop him of giving him a lesson.

Greg was just opening his mouth but didn't get to say a word Catherine cut her.

"You too! Go get some air!" Catherine said and showed him the door in the opposite direction. Greg was watching Catherine like an animal but when he met Catherine's hard look he gave up and left. Catherine turned around and saw Sara supporting herself up against the table.

"Sara, are you okay?" Catherine hurried to see her. Sara flinched back before Catherine got too close to her.

"I'm fine" Sara said quickly. She had tears on her face and she was shivering all over. She looked like she was in shock. She had hard time to figure what to do with her hands, pulling them through her hair, crossing her arms a few times before wrapping them around her chest.

"Sara it's okay, take it easy honey..." Catherine said soothingly and kept her hands up. She tried to take a step closer but only made Sara take a step backwards.

"No I'm fine. I-I-I'm fine, I just…I just need some fresh air..." Sara said and rushed herself out of the lab. She was gone before Catherine got even a look at where she was heading. Catherine leaned against the table and watched the empty room around her. She sighed heavily and looked up hoping to get an answer of what had gone into these people. She silently counted to ten before starting the hunt of Greg.

She saw him hanging in a break room and dashed in.

"What the hell has gone into you?!" Catherine asked and slammed the door shut behind her. She tried to hold her anger back. Greg turned around. His face expression made clear the state of his mind, but his rage had clearly faded of what it had been 5 minutes ago.

"What the hell he thought he was doing..." Greg started and showed his hand.

"He was trying to give her a hug! And he doesn't know!" Catherine watched Greg her face in a deep frown. Greg hit his fist against the counter and took deep breaths to calm down. "Now, I thought it was Sara who needed to be concerned of, but I guess I was wrong... It's you the one who needs some help here!" Greg closed his eyes and bit his teeth together.

"I'm sorry, okay! I lost it..." Greg said. "But he shouldn't be sneaking around like that!"

"Again, he doesn't know, Greg!" Catherine tried hard not to shout. She shook her head and once again looked up. "Go home Greg, I'll talk to you later" Catherine finally said.

"No, I have a case to solve" Greg started to argue.

"Unless you don't want me to tell Grissom or Ecklie about this I deeply suggest you'll do what I say" Catherine said with hard voice.

"Look, I'll just apology Nick and..."

"No! For Christ sake…" he would only end up in ER if he would go see Nick right now. "You're not going even near to him! You hear me? I'll go talk to him and you, YOU will take a LONG walk around a block and call me after that. We'll see then what to do... You got that?" Greg pushed her head down and turned his face away.

"Yes, I got that." Without any other words Catherine left the break room and slammed the door shut behind her.

* * *

Catherine opened the door to roof and shuddered when cold air hit her face. She wrapped her arms around herself and kicked a metal pipe between the door and the doorframe. She took a look around and saw a small flame in a distance. She started walking towards the figure standing in the darkness. 

"Hey there..." Catherine said while approaching. Sara took her just lightened cigarette out of her mouth and blew smoke up to air. According the cigarette butts on the ground, Catherine could tell Sara had been there for a while. "Have been here the whole time?" Catherine asked. Sara only nodded.

"I needed some air..." Sara explained and pulled a drag.

"I understand. I just got a little worried since you've been gone for almost half an hour..." Catherine said and looked Sara with concern. "Look, he didn't mean to... he was only trying to give you a hug, you know" Catherine said. Her voice sounded soft.

"I know he is never going to hurt me... I just didn't see him coming and I got scared. I over reacted" Sara said and turned her eyes to Catherine. Obviously time outside and half pack of cigarettes had calmed her down. "I know it's stupid" Sara mumbled.

"No, I think it's pretty reasonable..." Catherine said.

"Well...", Sara paused to take the cigarette on her lips, "I think it's just pretty idiotic to get your ass bruised just because u wanna weep on the ground when a friend wants to give u a hug..." Sara said nonchalant and shrugged before pulling another drag. Catherine couldn't help a laugh. Sara seemed to be her sarcastic self again despite earlier.

"Well I hope you didn't hurt your self too bad..." Catherine said, still smiling. She didn't mind to cling into that detail that Sara was converting the whole thing to a joke.

"Nah... Just hit my hit my butt with something." Sara said and blow more smoke out of her lungs. Catherine shivered. Air seemed to be getting chillier every night.

"Cold?" Sara asked and didn't even need Catherine's answer. Thought, Catherine didn't even have time to give one when Sara had already shrugged her coat off and was placing it on Catherine's shoulders.

"Thanks" Catherine said a little surprised and pulled it tighter around herself. She was warmed by both, the coat and the gesture. The jacket smelled strongly to cigarette but she didn't mind. She felt pretty good actually there, because beside Barclay, it also had a hint of Sara.

"Better?" Sara asked. Her eyes were like an innocent child's.

"Hmm..." Catherine smiled and closed her eyes.

"Good. Coz' I don't want you to catch a cold because of me..." Sara said while smoking. Catherine opened her eyes and took a glance at the cigarette in Sara's hand.

"I don't mean to be like a nagging mother here, but why are you smoking again? Mean, you know how hard it is to quit…" Catherine asked with a certain tone, but it didn't seem to affect Sara much since she only laughed at her.

"Old habits die hard, I guess..." Sara laughed and blew smoke up to air again.

"I'm serious!" Catherine said and couldn't help smiling herself as well. The feeling that went through her when she heard Sara laugh was just… something she couldn't even describe. She couldn't tell when she'd have been this happy to hear someone's laugh since her daughter had gave out her first chuckle.

"What?" Sara asked innocently when she saw Catherine look at her differently. Catherine shook her head and smiled.

"Nothing. I was just happy to hear you laugh..." Catherine said and made Sara only laugh more. Sara was lifting her cigarette on her lips again when Catherine suddenly, in the spur of the moment, did something neither of them expected. Hearing Sara laugh like first time in a month, being inside of her coat surrounded by the scent of hers… it was just an impulse reaction when she stepped closer and kissed her.

She lifted her head up and pressed her lips on Sara's. They felt cold but also amazingly soft. She sucked the lower lip gently and leaned forward.

She tasted like cigarette. No, more like a mix of cigarette and something sweet. And then she suddenly realised what she was doing and quickly pulled back with a quiet "Oh, God…"

Sara was astonished. Her right hand was still in halfway up. She blinked in surprise, her both brain-sides trying to figure out what just happened.

_Did she- ? Did we just- ? Did she just kiss me?? _

She turned her eyes on Catherine who was staring back at her, clearly as stunned as she was. Sara smiled and frowned at the same time and tried to say something but she couldn't get a word out of her mouth. She was too bewildered to say anything. She turned her face back to Catherine who had her hand covering her mouth and even she was smiling she was still absolutely horrified of waiting Sara's reaction.


	9. Chapter 9

"I-I'm sorry...", Catherine managed to say.

"Are you?"

"I don't know, am I?"

"I'm not", Sara slipped out. _What?! U're not..???, _Voice inside Sara's head was shouting confused.

They both stared each other not knowing what to do next. Catherine was about to say something when her cell cut her. She grabbed it from her waist and flipped it open.

"Got your self- control back?" she answered and turned around. After getting out of Catherine's view Sara blinked a few times. It was all too bizarre. She pulled last drag of her cigarette before throwing the rest of it away.

_Seriously, what the fuck...???? _First she was acting like a lunatic, losing it over an unexpected touch, and next thing she knew, she was on roof, making out with Catherine Willows.

She heard Catherine say "bye" and turned her eyes back to her. Catherine's face was professional again, reminding where they, regardless the previous, still were.

"I need to go back. Greg got something... are you coming?" Catherine asked and offered Sara her coat back. Sara received it and gave her a nod. Catherine walked ahead and held the door open for Sara. Sara stopped and turned her eyes to Catherine for a moment. Catherine looked unsure what to do exactly, but shortly after that she flashed a flirtatious smile, that made Sara to blush a little. She turned her head away and couldn't help smiling when she went back inside.

After Sara was gone, Catherine rolled her eyes and groaned quietly.

_You're so screwed Willows..._

* * *

"Oh, hey Nick!" Sara said when she entered the locker room. She went to her own locker and started to get ready to leave. 

"Hi..." Nick couldn't help staring at her while he furiously tried to think something to say. "Look, Sara..." Nick took a step closer. Sara turned around to face Nick. "About that what happened earlier today, I owe you apology..."

"No, you really owe me nothing. You didn't do anything wrong. I just got scared that's all" Sara said. She took the clip out of her gun and put them both into her locker.

"No, it's not just that..." Nick's voice sounded frustrated and he took a gently grip of Sara's hand. Sara turned to look at him again. He looked a bit uneasy. Nick pulled her to sit and sat beside her. He placed his other hand on top of Sara's hand he was still holding. For Sara it all felt a bit awkward. Their position seemed to be a bit awkward for Nick as well, but he didn't make a move to change it. "Listen, I'm worried about you. It's like I've lost the track of what is going on around here..."

"Nothing is going on Nick. It's just this case, that's all. This has been tough one for everyone. Especially to Greg" Sara said. She was wondering how long he kept buying that everything unusual happening around there was only caused by the case.

In a mention of Greg, Nick looked up and made a face, but he dropped it shortly. He leaned forward and was now rubbing his left wrist.

"Yeah...tell me about it" he said and laughed brusquely. It was hard to tell if he was being angry or sarcastic but after all, Nick wasn't an ironical person. "I just heard you wrapped the case, right?" Nick asked.

"Yeah. We did" Sara said and stood up. Her voice sounded relieved. "We got an eyewitness to identify Kevin Johnson. And K. Johnson had vic's blood in his ring, and, here's the best part, he made a confession".

"No kidding?" Nick was amazed. People like Johnson never confessed anything. Or hardly ever got caught either.

"Uh-huh. Thanks to Cath and Brass" Sara said and took her coat and bag out. She slammed the door shut and slowly turned around. Nick could tell that Sara had something on her mind but she was just hesitating to say it out loud.

"You know, we thought to go out tonight... we can use it right now, after this little nightmare is over... wanna join us?" Sara asked. Nick was flattered by the invitation, but he wasn't so sure if he wanted to take it.

"Nah... I'm not so sure if that's such a good idea..." He, Greg, and alcohol after last night…it didn't sound like a good combination.

"Oh, c'mon! I thought you guys already worked this out", Sara complained when she figured out the problem. She leaned against the lockers and crossed her arms on her chest. "Okay look, if this case was hard for us, it was twice to that for Greg. You remember your first murdered child, right? This turned up the heat and now once it's all over I hope we could be all friends now. C'mon Nick, it's just a couple of drinks..." Sara pleaded. Nick couldn't help a smile when she saw Sara's puppy look.

Sara knew she was acting out of her character, but she was also ready to do almost anything to get things back to normal. She didn't want to be the reason why people of their team were starting to hate their other.

"I can't promise anything yet, but maybe I'll come" Nick said with a little smile. Sara pulled her coat on and lifted her bag on her shoulder.

"Well, I'm about to head home now. To get some sleep. Come or not, we'll be in that new place a couple blocks from Highball's", Sara said. Nick snorted and lifted his eyes to Sara.

"Just a couple of drinks, huh?" Nick grinned. "Wasn't that a rock club or something...?" Nick cleared out. The night was going to be a lot wilder than just a few sophisticated drinks.

Sara grinned evilly and mouthed "ouh yeah...".

"And Cath is coming?"

"Uh-huh... she said she only needs to get a babysitter to Lindsey. Let's see how long her nerves will hold..." Sara said with a wink. Being over ten years older than others, and a mother of a pre-teen had changed the ex-stripper to more like a Highballs or some other pop-club kind of type, but she'd still been more than in when they'd said where they were heading.

"So I'll see you tonight, right?"

"Okay, sure. I'll meet you guys there somewhere around eleven, if that's okay with you"

"Great! See ya then" Sara said with a big smile before heading out.

* * *

Some Nu-Metal band was playing on a background hard enough to blow off your eardrums. Catherine was toying with the stick in her drink while gazing her younger colleagues around the table. 

"I dunno. A guy who turned out to be totally burned from inside, a freak who liked to play an adult baby... lemme tell ya something Greg, after you have been doing this as long as I have, you have seen it all", Catherine answered Greg's question about her weirdest case ever. She was occasionally joining the conversation, but her real attention was nailed to the brunette, who was having her, who knew either 6th or 16th, drink. 99 of the time the younger CSI was full into that evening. She was having a good time. Rather wild time, but so were the others, so that seemed to be her call... But the 1 of the time left she was looking around herself, her mind somewhere else. There was a hint of anxious in her eyes. And that 1 kept Catherine's concerns alive and kept her there instead leaving.

"I'm gonna head to the counter..." Sara said and stood up.

_She finished also that one already? _

"Wait up!" Greg hurried, and pulled the rest of his beer, and followed her. After they had left Nick changed his position so he could face Catherine. Catherine smiled at him and took a sip of her drink.

"So... how ya like the music?" Nick asked with a smirk on his face. Catherine groaned and dropped her head down for a second, before straightening herself back up wearing a wry grin on her face.

"Well, you know, I've kinda got used to it already..." Catherine said and shrugged slightly. Nick smiled widely and took a pull of his beer. Catherine noticed that his eyes were a little fuzzy. Obviously it had been a while since Nick had been drinking and he's attempts to keep on with the pace of Greg's and Sara's was starting to pay off.

"So no more Britney Spears records for Lindsey, huh?"

"Nope. Shame, thought... I'd rather take fights of if she's allowed to imitate some stupid blond bimbo in her clothing, than that freaking noise every single morning when I'm trying to sleep after a 16 hours shift". Nick gave her a compassionated expression. He was just opening his mouth to say something when someone hit a tray straight front of him and took a firm grip of his shoulders.

"Hey, Nick, I wanna buy you a drink man…" Greg said behind Nick and after that took a seat beside him.

"Tequila..?"

"Hell yeah! U want some?" Greg asked Catherine and made three pair of eyes to stare at her in question. Catherine shook her head with a wince. "Then Nick will get the extra one..." Greg said and shared the shots. "On three... one, two..."

Catherine watched them to gulp their shots down. Sara didn't even wince while swallowing. Screw the lemon; she was drinking beer to get rid of the taste. Catherine took a look at the time and saw it was only ten to midnight. _Nice, nice… can't wait to see the rest of this evening..._

* * *

Band had changed. Nick was dancing with some girl and Sara was out for a cigarette. Greg had disappeared to bathroom a quite a while ago. Catherine could as well leave. She wasn't into the music and she was the only sober one in the group, which always was fun... specially when other three ones were acting like teenagers, but none of those things was bothering her as long as she was able to be sure that Sara had everything okay. She knew that they were all very much adults and able to take care of themselves, but she didn't want to leave as long as she really didn't have to. And her decision was only convinced to be the right one when Sara came back and swayed against the table, causing one of the beer bottles to fell its side. 

"Wow!" Catherine quickly caught the bottle and turned it back up before it was all over the table.

"Sorry! You can put that on my account..." Sara said and sat back down.

"It was yours." Catherine smiled. Sara sat down for a second but then almost right after started scramble over the seats to get closer to Catherine. Catherine turned a bit to left to be face to face with Sara. Sara obviously wanted to speak about something. Her eyes had hard time to follow. She seemed to be gathering her thoughts.

"Hey Cath... I wan-...I wanna ask you something...about something" Sara had hard time focusing her eyes on Catherine.

"Sure. What ever you want to know?"

"What was that thing today? There on the roof?" Sara asked and reached to her beer bottle.

"Yeah well, about that… we should talk about it but, no offence Sara, you're drunk. So what if we'll talk about it tomorrow?" Catherine asked and watched how Sara finished her drink and hit the empty beer bottle on the table a hint too hard so that it fell on its side again. Catherine reached to pick it up and took a glance to Sara who was swaying slightly on her seat.

"Nah, I'm not that drunk. I'm more like confused..." Sara said and leaned her head against her fist. Sara's voice sounded miserable enough to make Catherine feel bad. Sara was too drunk to remember anything tomorrow anyway it didn't matter what they talked.

"That was happened there at the roof was only a proof that I really care about you", Catherine said.

"Care about me as a friend or you really care for me...?". Catherine bit her lip and cursed the fact that alcohol didn't seem to have too much affect in Sara's intelligence. And just at the moment Sara's elbow slipped. Catherine hurried to catch her before she hit her head against the table.

"Both" Catherine helped Sara back up and brushed dark hair away from Sara's face. "And I think it's time for you to get home" Catherine said with much sterner voice. Sara only shook her head and tried to straighten herself a little.

"No I'm good" Sara said and tried to focus her look to Catherine. Behind all that mess she managed to catch Catherine's bright face and a concerned look in her piercing blue eyes. "Seriously, I'm fine" Sara said. She heard even by herself how badly she was slurring her words out. _Yeah well, who gives a damn. At least I don't._ She started go through all the bottles on the table to find out if even one of them had something left.

"Thirsty?" Greg's voice came behind the table. He placed a beer bottle in front of Sara and sat down.

"Thank you Greg" Sara said and lifted the bottle to Greg. Greg hit the necks and took a long pull.

Catherine stayed there for another half an hour before she finally needed to head home.

"You're leaving?" Nick asked.

"Yeah, it's time to let the babysitter go", Catherine said and poured down the last of her drink. She took look of all three of them, especially to Sara. "Take care of your others" Catherine said. She gave Greg a meaningful look and hoped he'd understand what or who she meant by that.

"Yeah. We will", Greg said. He had realised. Catherine smiled at them and left the table.

"Guess she won't take us seriously on Monday anymore..." Nick said with a chuckle. If Sara or Greg were loaded, Nick totally pulled the record. Greg clapped his shoulder told him that she probably didn't mind.

* * *

Sofia was driving back from a robbery scene when radio was reporting about a fight in some club. The place was right front of her. Even thought it wasn't her job anymore, and some unit had already answered the call, she grabbed the radio. 

"Control, this is Detective Curtis, Western LVPD. I'm at the location of the 10-11, so I might as well go ahead the patrol and check out the situation"

_"Okay, Detective. Control out."_

Sofia cut the engine and got out of her car. The club was downstairs and right after she got there she ran into two guys who were in their others throats. Two door keepers and one outsider were trying to hold them down. Younger of the fighters got loose and was about to hit the bigger man when Sofia with a one quick move took a grip of his hand, twisted it behind his back, and pushed him against the table.

"Wow!! Watch your moves young man. Or you might actually hurt someone by accident." Sofia said and cuffed him.

"What the fuck!??"

"LVPD, asshole..." Sofia said and pulled the guy up rather roughly. She flashed her badge to door men. Only two seconds after the uniforms were there, and Sofia gave her guy to them. One of the black shirted door keepers pulled her sleeve to get her attention in the middle of the noise.

"Officer, there's a man lying on the ground over here..." Sofia followed him. In the middle of a small audience there was a young, black haired guy lying on the ground. "He was the one those two were fighting over". She kneeled side him and touched his shoulder.

"How are you holding up, sir?" Sofia asked.

"I'll be fine" man said. His voice was surprisingly friendly. He was holding an ice back against his face.

"We called an ambulance for him. One lunatic starts to act crazy and hit him and his friend started fighting with the lunatic" the door keeper lightened the situation. Sofia turned her attention back to the younger man.

"Well, I think you will survive. Just, hang in there. The help is on the way" Sofia said with a comforting squeeze to his shoulder before she stood up again and took a look around. She saw two other officers joining the party, and taking the bigger fighter into their custody.

"Thanks for your help. Those two officers over there will need your statement" Sofia said to the door keeper. He gave her a nod and started walking towards them but Sofia didn't follow him. Her eyes were focused to this one table where she had spotted a few very familiar people sitting around it.

She walked over there and lifted her head as a greeting.

"Well hello to you too, detective..." Greg smiled. He looked tired.

"Celebrating your case?" Sofia asked. It seemed to take a few moments for Greg to get what she had said. Sofia took a look at his accompany. Nick had his head against his arms on the table and Sara also seemed to be half drooping. Her head was looking down. Something in her didn't look good...

"Actually were leaving...I just need to get two.. these two out...", Greg mumbled.

"Uh-huh…" Sofia leaned over to give a hand with getting his friends awake. She lifted Sara's jaw and saw her jerk away, her drunken eyes wandering around. Her face expression was dark and anxious. Sofia was taken aback of how messed up she looked. This was not good...

Greg pushed Nick a rather hard to get him up.

"What..." Nick mumbled.

"Time to go home" Sofia answered shortly and after that turned her focus back to Sara. She hadn't seen her much lately. Only twice after the interview, and the only time she had asked her how she was doing, her answer had been almost annoyed "fine".

"You heard that Sara? It's time to leave" Sofia repeated leaned closer. When Sara didn't give any reaction Sofia snapped her fingers in front of her face to wake her attention.

"Don't...!". Sara was being delusional.

"Hey, Sara, it's only me... Sofia" Sofia said with a much softer voice and tried to catch her eyes. Sara's eyes were wandering over Sofia, but they didn't tell if she recognised her. Sofia couldn't put in words how bad she felt for this woman. She hadn't deserved what had happened to her. She didn't deserve this. Sofia wasn't going to take that risk and leave her in two drunken guy's responsibility. She knew they would never let anything to happen to Sara, but still she couldn't be sure of Sara's state of mind. She made a quick decision.

"Look, Greg, I think it's best for all of us if we call you guys a cab and I'll take Sara home" Sofia said.

"No-no-no..Nah-a... I need to take care of Sara. It's my job to take care of her. I need to be sure that she gets home safe" Greg started to protest.

"Greg, I'm gonna take care that she gets home safe. The thing you need to do is to make sure that other sleeping beauty gets home" Sofia said and made Greg laugh.

"What did you just call me?" Nick asked confused.

"I'll call that as the last warning. So get up!" Sofia told. Nick stood up and almost lost his balance. Greg hurried to hold him straight. Sofia placed Sara's left arm around her shoulders and wrapped her arm around Sara's middle.

"C'mon, let's go..." Sofia said and lifted the brunette up on her feet. Sara didn't make much a protest, she only walked with Sofia.

Young officer saw them coming and came to Sofia, holding handcuffs in his hand.

"I assume you want these back" man said and gave the handcuffs to Sofia.

"Thanks" Sofia said shortly and passed the scene. Paramedics were coming down the stairs. Sofia stopped and pulled Sara against the wall to let them past. She looked behind her and saw Nick and Greg following them. After they got outside Sofia helped Sara into her car and slammed the door shut.

"Are you guys gonna be okay?" Sofia made sure when she was circling to the drivers side. Greg, who was holding a cell on his ear, gave her a nod and waved as a goodbye. Sofia climbed into her car and told the control that she was on a break. She started the car and turned air conditioner blow cold, hoping it would, if not wake Sara, at least prevent her falling totally asleep.

* * *

"It's okay, we're almost there..." Sofia spoke softly and helped Sara with getting the stairs up. Sara was barely capable of stand on her own feet anymore, and Sofia needed to pin her body between the wall and her own body to keep her standing, while she was looking keys from Sara's purse. She pushed the door open and took a tight grip around Sara's waist. "Ok, here we go...". She walked Sara in and helped her to bed. Sara mumbled something that sounded almost like a whimper. 

"Shh...it's okay" Sofia said with a soothing voice and stoked Sara's arm. She watched her to settle down and fall asleep.

Intro of Nothing Else Matters broke the air. Sofia heard Sara's cell vibrating against the table. She grabbed the purse and sought the cell from the bottom. Catherine was calling. Sofia walked to the living room before answering.

"Hi Catherine, it's Sofia..."

"Oh? Hello..."

"I know you're surprised, but Sara's sleeping. I just got her home" Sofia explained shortly.

"How is she?" Catherine asked with a low voice.

"Um..." Sofia didn't want to stick her nose too much into Sara's personal businesses. Telling thing about her behind her back would only piss her off.

"It's okay. I was with them earlier this evening. I just want to know if she's okay" Catherine said after hearing the hesitation in Sofia's voice.

"Well, she may be okay, but she's pretty loaded. And not in so good condition in all that matter. Being honest I don't think it's such a good idea to leave her alone but I've no idea who to call..."

"It's okay. I'll come there" Catherine said quickly.

"Oh, ok. I'll wait 'till you get here"

* * *

"Hi" 

"Hey. Where is she?"

"She's sleeping. Thanks for coming over coz I really need to get back to my shift" Sofia said and closed the door behind Catherine.

"I called my mother to be with Linds'. How is she?" Catherine asked. Sofia sighed quietly and made a face that gave Catherine the answer.

"Drunk to her feet. And paranoid. I've never seen her like this. That's why thought it might be the best if there would be someone to be here and make sure she stays okay". Sofia didn't need to detail the paranoid part. They both knew more than better. No matter if Sara was a grown up or extremely stubborn about needing any help from no one, Catherine was only grateful that Sofia was being honest. Sara could yell at them tomorrow if she liked, it didn't matter at this point.

"Thank you, Sofia. For taking care of her" Catherine said and looked Sofia straight into her eyes telling her how much she meant it.

"It's the least I can do for her" Sofia said. Catherine gave her a sad smile. "But hey, since you're here and I've been on my break at least twice too long…" Sofia said and started to get ready to leave.

"I'll talk ya later" Catherine said. Sofia nodded her. After she had left Catherine circled around the apartment and went to Sara's bedroom. Sara was lying on her stomach. She had her arm under her head and hair messed. Catherine sat next to her and gently brushed hair away from her face. She looked peaceful when she was sleeping. It was almost like when Lindsey was little and she used to watch her sleep. She removed Sara's shoes and left the bedroom to get something to cover her with. She grabbed a blanket on the couch and heard Sara's cell ringing again. She took a glance at it and saw Greg's name on the screen. She wondered if he had got his head any straight since they'd saw last.

"Hello?"

"...Catherine?"

"Yes, it's me Greg. I'm at Sara's"

"Oh? I assume that's a good thing then. Can I talk to Sara?" Greg wasn't totally sober but he wasn't so drunk either.

"She's sleeping and she's okay if that's what you were wondering. I'll tell her to call you back tomorrow, okay?"

"O-okay". They talked for a while and after that Catherine went back to the bedroom, and only found out that Sara wasn't passed out as she had thought. She was sitting on the floor, her back against the bed. Catherine threw the blanket on the bed and kneeled to front of Sara. She wrapped her arms right under Sara's armpits and with one move lifted Sara's body back to bed, and with other one slid her upward so that her head was on pillows again. After she had wrestled Sara back to her previous position, Catherine was lying on top of her, her arms still behind Sara's back, and their faces only a few inches away each other. Catherine didn't move right away. She had her eyes tracing the lines of Sara's face. She had never realised how beautiful she actually looked. One escaped glance to right snap her out of her dream and made her realise that something was wrong with the picture. She saw an empty box of pills lying on its side on the night stand, two white tablets lying right next to it. She saw the label. They were sleeping pills. Her blood went cold.

"Oh my God..." She breathed out and pulled Sara's jaw open a bit. She saw one of the white pills clued onto her tongue. Sara hadn't just _accidentally_ got out of the bed. She had got up to swallow all of the pills she had on her nightstand.

Sara moved her jaw and closed her mouth which revealed Catherine that she was still awake. Catherine tightened her grip and started to draw Sara up.

"Get up! Get up now!" Catherine commanded and pulled Sara almost violently up to her feet and dragged her to the bathroom.

_You're not doing this!_

After half crashing on the floor Catherine pressed Sara's head down to toiled and forced two fingers into her throat. Sara started gagging and after Catherine pushed her fingers deeper, she finally puked. Catherine repeated her actions until there was nothing left in Sara's stomach and Sara was only hanging her head over the toiled, couching empty. Catherine pulled her fingers out and shook her vomited covered left hand in disgust and tried to calm herself down a little. Her heart was still bounding like crazy. She sighed deeply and leaned backwards, hitting her bottom against the hard floor. She didn't know to either cry, which was what she most wanted to do, or start shouting at Sara for being so fucking stupid to do something like that. She hanged her other hand above the toiled and run her right hand through her blond hair. She turned her eyes to Sara whose body was still trying to get something out. Catherine decided to not do either at the moment and only reached to rub comfortingly the brunet's skinny back and tell her that it was all gonna be okay.


	10. Chapter 10

Someone was talking. Voice sounded familiar, but none of the words made sense. She tried to get her eyes open. Her head was spinning and everything she saw came out three. _Lindsey?... Home?... Later?_. It sounded almost like Catherine. Sara tried to get her eyes working, but all she saw was a fuzzy blond figure pacing in a distance. She squeezed her eyes shut again, and hoped it would help with the headache that was killing her. She felt crappy enough that all she wanted to do was cry and fell back to that sleep where she couldn't feel anything.

Next time she opened her eyes there was someone knelt next to her, holding a glass of water in front of her face. Sara tried to lift herself up a bit and clutched the glass with her shaking hands. Catherine helped Sara take a sip and after that she put the glass away. Sara collapsed back down and tried to fight back a cry when she hit the mattress. She felt Catherine stroking her hair gently before pulling a blanket to cover with her all over shaking body.

* * *

Catherine left the bedroom door slightly ajar behind her and went back to the living room. It was almost 09.30. After cleaning all the vomit out of Sara's hair and washing her hand a half of dozen times, she had got her practically passed out younger colleague back to bed and the rest of the night she had just sat there watching that the brunette kept breathing. That one night had brought her back to reality where all her thoughts about Sara's recovering had been blown in the air. Attempt to commit suicide didn't came out of no where. No matter how drunk you were you still don't swallow half of box sleeping pills. 

After getting a glass of water Catherine went to sit on a couch and grabbed a journal from a coffee table. The apartment had gone through some changes since her last visit. There was an extra lock in the door. The table in the hallway had moved closer to the door and Catherine could swear there was a gun in one of its boxes. Not that she could blame Sara of doing those things. After Sara had been assaulted she had done pretty much same kind of things in her own house. But the half empty book cases, mirrors turned down and a bunch of other little things added to Sara's behaviour lately, they really started to scare Catherine.

* * *

Sara's head was spinning and she hardly made her way to the bathroom without falling. She had no idea what she had drunk or used to get herself that bad. Her head was filled with broken glass and she felt sick and dizzy. Her hands were shaking. Warm shower, couple of aspirins, a lot of water... maybe she was feeling fine enough to get up for good and go find out why on earth she had saw Catherine earlier. She took a few deep breaths to get the dizziness out of her head and started dressing. She pulled on a fresh shirt and loose black sport pants, without bothering to tight elastics in the ankles. She stepped in front of a mirror and took a quick look of herself. Her face was pale, eyes red and she had a fresh little scar in the corner of her eye. In other words she looked like crap._ Fucked..._ Sara couldn't care less how she looked. 

"Morning," Catherine said when she saw Sara come from behind a corner. Sara walked pass her and went to her front door. The chain was off. She slid it back to its place. After that she checked the locks and took a quick glance through a peep whole to see an empty hallway. After finishing her every morning routine she grabbed her mail that was lifted on a table and went back.

"Morning", she said to Catherine and threw the mail on a counter. Catherine slowly stood up and took a few steps towards Sara.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like hell..." Sara mumbled and started go through her closets in a hope of founding something stronger for the headache that didn't felt normal anymore. Every moment up felt worse, but she needed to act like she'd be fine until she would get Catherine out of her apartment. After that she was free to return her bed without letting anyone know how far of feeling fine she was. She took a bottle of water out of the fridge and swallowed her last painkiller with it. She felt Catherine's eyes on her back. And it wasn't such a nice feeling btw... After she had put the bottle back to fridge Sara was forced to face her. Catherine remained silent. She was only staring at her. There was something weird in the way she watched her. Sara couldn't tell what it was but she was able to tell how uncomfortable it made her feel.

"Well, um... this is awkward..." Sara stated after being unable figure out anything smart to say. It was hard to act cool when she didn't have a single piece of memory after midnight and it was even harder to pretend anything else when Catherine was looking at her like that. _Oh God, please let her tell me that I only passed out or something and she just had to take me home..._ Knowing her own past and what she'd done when she was either really drunk or really high, it really made her nervous.

"Tell me about it," Catherine sighed after a short pause. _Can see why this is awkward for you, but how am I going to tell you that you tried commit suicide?_ "I think we need to talk."

"Do we really..." Sara muttered sarcastically as she took a step forward and started to go through her mail. Something in Catherine's voice only convinced her of that how she wasn't going to like what was coming. Now she no longer was even interested to know what had happened last night.

"Yeah, we do," Catherine said with a much more serious voice. Sara realised that she had heard her little comment and wasn't in the mood of taking her attitude. "What do you remember of last night?"

_What? What is this, an interrogation?_ She took one of the letters and ripped it open. "We were at Code-6... you, me, Nick, Greg. Drinking, talking, hellava great music, stuff like that...," Sara listed negligently, while she unfolded the letter in her hand and started to read it.

"And?"

Sara took a short glance at Catherine and after that returned her concentration back to the letter, showing her enthusiasm towards the conversation in the same. "Okay fine. Shall I enlighten you then?" Catherine asked and crossed her arms.

_Shall I tell you that I also remember the conversation we had?_ Sara thought. She re-folded the letter and put it aside and devoted herself for the rest of mail. There was nothing but a few bills and advertises but at the moment it all felt more interesting than the content of their conversation.

Catherine saw Sara's ignorance and wondered if the woman was even listening to her. She had a hard time to hold her temper. Sara's attitude annoyed her and made her even angrier than she already was. She was angry at Sara for trying to leave them all just like that. For trying to leave her like that. After the entire scare- worry- sorry and frustration combination during the last 8 hours she felt hurt. Even she didn't really have reason to be offended, but still she was. And it was hard to remember that it was Sara who was hurt the worst and needed help when she kept acting like she did.

"Do you remember who drop you home?"

"You or Greg, I assume", Sara mumbled and turned around to get a bottle of juice.

"Sofia", Catherine corrected her. Sara frowned and closed the fridge.

"Okay, Sofia then," Sara said and opened the bottle. She took a sip tried to swallow it without getting sick. Catherine watched her acting indifferently and bit her lip to keep herself calm before she continued.

"Sofia called me and by the time I got here you were passed out"

"Is that all?" Sara asked a bit mockingly and took a mouthful of juice and felt her stomach go crazy by the minute she swallowed it. _Oh God, don't puke, don't puke, don't puke..._

"No, you tried to commit suicide, that's all...". Sara hardly heard the last one when she had already slammed her hand on her mouth and was making her way to the bathroom. Catherine watched confused after her and once she heard that Sara was getting sick she uncrossed her arms and went after her. She found Sara sitting on the floor her head in the toilet. Catherine grabbed a glass from next to a tap and filled it with cold water. Sara straightened herself a little and leaned her back against a wall. She was taking deep breaths to get rid of the rest of nausea. Catherine kneeled next to her and handed the water. Sara gleaned her mouth with it and spit the water down the toilet.

"Thanks", Sara whispered and put the glass aside in a fear of dropping it. Her hands were shaking. She squeezed her eyes shut and wiped tears away from her face.

"Can you walk?" Catherine asked softly. Sara closed her eyes and after a short while nodded. Catherine helped her up on her feet and led her to her bed. Sara felt weak from her head to the tips of her toes and was barely able to stand on her own feet. She had lost the last of her strength she had earlier. She slowly lied down on her side and closed her eyes for a moment. "Try to get some rest," Catherine told and stroked her arm before turning to leave. She was surprised when she felt a weak hand grip her wrist. She turned around to face Sara again.

"Yes?"

Sara was opening her mouth in intend to say something. She opened her eyes ajar, but was only staring blindly forward.

"Can you stay with me?" Sara asked gathering all of her power on that one question. Catherine was surprised by the request and only stared at Sara. Sara took a look at Catherine's eyes. Catherine stepped closer and took a hold of Sara's hand that was preventing her to leave.

"Sure"

Catherine gave her an assuring smile and felt her heart broke when she saw the relief in the most beautiful brown eyes she had ever seen. Somewhere between their earlier arguing and last words they shared Sara had lost her shield and what was left was a broken figure that was too tired to pull a role anymore.

Catherine let go of Sara's hand to take off her shoes and climb on the bed. She lay down beside Sara and took her hand again, lacing their fingers together. Sara turned her head and locked gazes with Catherine. Catherine smiled at her, but didn't get responded. Sara only closed her empty eyes and turned her head away. Catherine tightened her grip a bit and watched Sara fell a sleep.

* * *

"How did I, um... What exactly happened last night?" Sara was hugging her knees and staring blindly into distance. Her voice was quiet. 

"You swallowed all your sleeping pills." Catherine stated. She was sitting next to her on a couch. Sara lowered her face and nodded. Catherine wasn't sure what it meant but didn't ask either.

Sara in the other hand didn't know to either believe Catherine or believe her own opinion that said that the whole thing was all just some one big misunderstanding. _Not that I'd like to live this life anymore after... this isn't my life anymore... but still there's no way I've gone that far!!_

"I see you're looking for a new place." Catherine said and nodded towards the newspaper on a coffee table. There was a page open of places to rent and a few possible options marked with a pen. She thought to change the subject for a while since Sara remained silent and obviously wasn't interested to talk about last night anymore at the moment.

"Yeah... don't really feel like living here any longer..." Sara said with a silent voice. She was tired to be scared every time someone knocked the door. She hated the humiliation every time she met some of her neighbours in the hallway. Every second in that apartment, that used to be her home, reminded her about how weak or stupid she was. _Who opens the door to a stranger, huh?? Who the fuck is that stupid, who else but you Sara?? No body. No one but you!!_

"I understand. Any luck?" Catherine asked just to keep the conversation going. Sara seemed to be a bit lost in her thoughts. And according her face expressions they were far away from happy thoughts.

"I just got a letter from one guy. He said that I can get his apartment in a month if I like to take it."

"That's nice. To inform about it."

"Yeah. He's a cop. I guess that's why he offered to rent the place to me before putting it on market." Sara explained.

"You think you're ready to wait a month?"

Sara sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno... I guess I'll have to. I mean I've spent most of the time at Greg's or Greg has been here with me but I think it's time to stop bothering him. I need to get a new place and start to survive on my own again."

"I don't think Greg minds to be here with you. He considers you as his best friend and he wants to be there for you Sara" Catherine said. Sara didn't answer. She only turned her head to the other direction. "Sara you've friends who want to help you get through this. Let us help you. You're not alone!" Catherine pleaded and placed her hand on Sara's cheek turning her head to that she could face her. Sara had tears in her eyes.

Catherine realised how emotionally burned out she was. She wanted to hug her but the position Sara was sitting didn't let anyone come too close to her.

"You have your Monday off, right? You're not even on call… You know what, so do I. So come stay at my place till Monday, okay?" Catherine suggested.

"You place?" Sara asked surprised.

"Yeah. Why not? This place is killing you and you just said that you don't want to be at Greg's all the time, so why not?"

"Because um... It feels weird. You often invite your co-workers sleepover?" Sara had hard time to take the thing seriously.

"Yea, yea, yea, Grissom at my house all the time and we like to play pillow fight..." Catherine joked with a sarcastic tone. "And in all that meaning, about that just co-workers thing, I think we've crossed that line already", Catherine added. Sara wasn't sure if she meant that they were friends or that other thing that seemed to be going on between them. "C'mon, it's a fair offer. It's free, it's safe and it's better than being alone in here since I know you'd throw Greg when he's offering to stay over night. Lindsey's resent music taste might be annoying but since your both like metal music that shouldn't be a problem... so what do you say?"

"I dunno..." Sara hesitated.

"I know. Just pack your bag. We can grab some lunch on the way in..." Catherine said as she got up on her feet and started to get things ready so they could leave soon.

_I can't believe I'm doing this..._ Sara thought but made her way to the bedroom anyway, and started filling her usually a training bag with clothes. Though the whole thing going with Catherine scared her, it still beat the option of staying in a place that had become her biggest nightmare. Any changes of escape, she was more than ready to take them all.


	11. Chapter 11

"Drop your bag somewhere. We'll get it upstairs later." Catherine told to Sara after they got inside. Sara did what she was told and put her bag beside the wall so it wasn't in a way. She felt odd of being at Catherine's house. Or at least it wasn't something she had ever imagined to happen.

"Lindsey? You're still in here...?" Catherine called out as she walked ahead.

"Yeah..." Sara saw obviously bored Lindsey come from the kitchen and gaze her mother in question. She definitely had grown since last. Her hair was tied up loosely and she was wearing jeans and black t-shirt that said "I'M JUST ONE BIG F#¤(/ing RAY OF SUNSHINE, AREN'T I?" with an angry red eyes below it. Sara couldn't help smiling when she saw the text.

Catherine pulled Lindsey into a hug and kissed the top of her head. Lindsey tried to squirm out of the embrace, but Catherine kept her other arm tightly around her, not letting her go yet.

"Hi honey. How was your day?"

"Nothing special. I've been reading that book for school. Grandma just left."

"Yeah I called and told her she can go. Have you eaten anything?"

"Yeah"

"Anything called food?"

"Yeah"

"So not just those two cokes?"

Sara noticed the empty cans beside the sink.

"Yeah... I also ate serials after I woke up", Lindsey added.

"Okay, go back to your book. I'll make you something." Catherine said and pressed another kiss on Lindsey's hair before she let her free. Sara saw the _'that was_ _my plan exactly until you said it'_ look on Lindsey's eyes as the girl made no efforts to leave. "Say hi to Sara. She's staying over the weekend..." Catherine said as she went to kitchen.

"Hi, what's up?" Lindsey took a step closer and placed her hands into her back pockets.

"Hi Lindsey" Sara smiled and stepped out of the shadow.

"Care for cards?" Lindsey asked before Sara even got into the position where she didn't know what to say next.

"Um.. sure."

They sat down in a table and Lindsey started shuffling the pack.

"What do you wanna play?"

"Anything's fine"

"Poker?" Lindsey asked and started handing the cards.

"Sure"

"For money?"

"Lindsey" Catherine's stern voice joined the conversation.

"No thanks, I still have the other bills to pay." Sara said laughing. They played a few rounds until Catherine handed a plate and glass of milk to Lindsey who thanked shortly.

"You're welcome. And bye to way, I hope you didn't wear that shirt at school yesterday..."

"No...", Lindsey mumbled and got up, "I was wearing that F- Me- shirt", she finished and left the kitchen to go eat in her room.

"Uh, ever better." Catherine said and took Lindsey's seat after she was gone.

"Thirteen, huh?" Sara said with a sympathy smile and collected the cards into a one neat pack and placed aside.

"Oh yeah..." Catherine sighed. There was a short silence.

"She really doesn't have f-u-c-k me shirt, does she?" Sara asked uncertain if Lindsey was kidding after all. Catherine watched her under he eye browns.

"She really doesn't have that shirt and she never will. At least not until she's 25 and has brains to know not wear it", Catherine said. Sara laughed shortly. Catherine shook her head with a little smile and leaned forward. "Actually we're doing much better right now. I've learned to give up a little in certain things and she replies by behaving. Not that she'd gave up rebelling with every single thing, but it's more like in her attitude and hate towards me now... not hitchhiking or punching other kids like a year ago", Catherine added with a low voice.

"Well, I can see she at least doesn't lack attitude."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

* * *

The rest of day went pretty easily even Catherine had been worried earlier. It wasn't so hard to see how uneasy and reserved Sara was, but it all seemed to work out and after a while Sara slowly relaxed a little. And even though Lindsey had been one of her worries, her daughter was now the one she owed her gratefulness. The girl made amazing job with getting feel Sara welcome, and even the girl's manners towards her were what they were, with Sara she seemed to come along great. Every time Catherine wasn't with Sara Lindsey took the opportunity and went to talk to her, asking her play cards or videogames or just do other stuff with her. And since Sara didn't seem to have problem with it, and Lindsey obviously wasn't ready to forgive her mother, Catherine thought to leave those two alone and dedicate her concentration on other stuff she had to do. She was just about to finish in the kitchen when her cell rang. She grabbed it from a counter and after seeing the caller she simply kept walking, passing the living room where Sara and Lindsey were, and went outside where she could speak completely private.

"Willows."

"Hi Cath, how are you?"

"Good, thanks for asking. I assume you know where Sara is..." Catherine figured Greg's motives of calling her at that hour.

"Okay yeah. She sent me a message earlier. But the thing she didn't do is answering her phone when I tried to call her...?"

"She probably just left it somewhere and didn't hear it. But hey, no worries, everything's fine." Catherine assured. She couldn't help smile a little. Greg sounded sweet worrying Sara for only over not answering her cell even they probably had talked just a few hours ago. She knew that Sara and Greg were good friends but she had never assumed them to be as close as they appeared to be.

"Good... good. Just checking..." Greg said.

"How are you doing? After last night I mean..." Catherine asked.

"Um-h..." Greg half laughed, "Better now. After a couple thousand gallons of water..." He added.

"Well, we all need to let go at times. It's sort of a rule of young CSI's. I hope last night helped." Catherine said. Greg knew what she meant and sighed quietly. It wasn't like he usually had problems with anger management.

"Yeah, I think so. The only thing I feel really bad about last night is the way things ended..."

"Hey, listen to me, you did good last night." Catherine said. According the silence Greg didn't agree with Catherine. She bit her lip and rubbed her forehead.

"Look, I know you might feel like you betrayed her or something, but you really did the right thing when you let Sofia drive her home. She was pretty messed up and..." Catherine squeezed her eyes shut and tried to think what to say without saying too much. "...a bit paranoid. She didn't exactly know where she was at. I know you'd have taken a good care of her, but at the moment that was the best solution." Catherine tried to explain. There was a long pause. "You're still there?"

"Yes, I'm still in here", said more uninhibited voice. Greg knew there was something Catherine wasn't telling about the previous night, and Catherine knew Greg didn't take a word she was trying to say about him doing the right thing earlier, but neither of them pushed the subject.

"But hey, would you say Sara to check her cell? Don't tell her I called, just..."

"I'll ask her Gil's number or something..." Catherine said with a smile.

After ending the call, Catherine wrapped her arms around her chest and took a moment breathing the cool night air before she got back inside. She kicked Lindsey's shoes out of her way under the rack and went back to the living room where Sara and Lindsey were playing cards again.

"Okay Lindsey, time to bed..." Catherine announced as she approached them. "Linds, you heard me", Catherine said again when the girl paid no attention to her.

"After this round's over..."

"Now."

"We'll play more tomorrow." Sara assured Lindsey, who stood up with an irritated sigh.

"G'night Sara." Lindsey mumbled while she passed her mother and went upstairs.

"G'night", Sara called after her and after that took a look at Catherine. She slowly got off the floor and stretched her almost numb legs. Catherine walked over and sat down with a huge sigh. Sara sat on the same couch but in a safe distance. The TV was showing muted music videos.

"Sorry about her." Catherine said and leaned her head back against the couch.

"No. No. She's great." Sara hurried to say. "I presume she's mad at you because you grounded her..." Sara said aloud carefully. Catherine let out a tired laughter.

"She told you?"

"No. I just assumed since... she seems to be kinda mad at you and she asked me to borrow her my cell phone. I hope it's okay, she just wanted to send something to her friend."

"It's okay. She knows I'd let her send it if she just asked, but she obviously just wants to demonstrate." Catherine said.

"How long she's been grounded?" Sara asked carefully to break the developing silence. Catherine had never really talked her about Lindsey.

"Since Tuesday. I kinda blew up when she brought home a note from school. I took her phone and told her that she wasn't leaving the house for a week. Even though it was a bit harsh considering what ever she had even done." Catherine explained. "But done is done. I guess it gives her a lesson if not anything else." Catherine turned her eyes on Sara. Catherine smiled shortly and after that lowered her look. "Would you like to drink something? Tee, wine?" Catherine asked after Sara didn't have more to say and there was a silent between them.

Sara shook her head. "No thanks. Actually, I'm pretty tired..." Sara admitted. She hadn't been able to eat during the whole day and after being with Lindsey the last eight hours she had slowly ran out of energy.

"Me too, speaking of truth," Catherine sighed. She usually used her weekends catching sleep but since this weekend had made an exception... "So, bed then?"

"Yeah, sounds good." Sara said and slowly stood up. "I guess I'm taking the couch..." Sara said and started heading towards the hall to get her bag.

"No, I'll take the couch. You're taking the bed," Catherine said and saw Sara turn around ready to make a protest. "Your bag is already upstairs." Catherine continued when she saw Sara's face.

"No way am I taking your whole bedroom, Catherine. This is your home. I'm the guest here."

Catherine only shook her head and told her via her look that Sara wasn't the one sleeping on the couch.

"Not gonna happen Catherine…" Sara said.

"Okay then, here's another solution: it's a big bed. We can both sleep in it or I can take the couch, which is more than okay by me. Either way, you're sleeping in a real bed tonight." Catherine gave her the options. Sara rolled her eyes and shook her head in disbelief and looked Catherine with 'you can't be serious' -look. Catherine only lifted her eye brown and made it pretty clear that it wasn't a negotiation.

"Okay. Fine. You'll get to sleep with me then. You're really not taking the couch because of me." Sara gave up when she didn't seem to have an option.

"Okay. Deal." Catherine said and got up.

* * *

Sara was looking her picture in a mirror. It had been over a month but she still could see the bite marks on her shoulder. She wondered if they'd ever fade away. Every time she saw them she felt like falling back to the memories. Well, not memories exactly, they were more like the feelings that came back. Every time she saw the scars she wanted to rip herself out of her skin just to feel free and clean again. She was sick of it. It was eating her alive.

She took a step back from the mirror and pulled another shirt on to cover the blue top she was wearing already. Catherine came back from Lindsey's room at the same time Sara got out of the bathroom. They chatted meaningless while getting into bed. Sara felt her pulse hitting half that fast as usual. Sharing a bed with stranger made her feel vulnerable. Even she knew the stranger; it still made her feel nervous. Ever since things had happened, she had become uneasy with being around people. Excluding Greg, she hated them to come too close to her, no matter who it was. She was afraid it would happen with Catherine as well after.

And the other fact that made her also nervous was she herself. She was scared of her own reaction if her dreams would turn out as a nightmares and she'd wake up in a strange place, a stranger beside her. She didn't want to take that humiliation.

"You're okay?" Catherine asked and turned on her side to face Sara. She had her arm tucked under her head.

"Uh-mm..." Sara assured and hit the pillow a couple times before settling on her stomach again.

"Good." Catherine smiled before she reached to switch the light off. The room got dark, but they were still able to see each other's faces.

Sara realised she wasn't able to close her eyes. Catherine, who didn't fell asleep right away either and kept opening her eyes once and a while, noticed the same thing. To sooth the woman down a little Catherine pulled her hand out from the cover to take hold of Sara's hand that was lying beside the pillow. Like the way she had done earlier as well. Sara didn't response the hold but she didn't pull her hand back either.

"Good night Sara." Catherine said with a squeeze and closed her eyes again.

"G'night" an unsure answer broke the air after a while.

At the moment Catherine was about to fall a sleep she felt the hand she was holding tighten the grip. Sara's breathing had turned slower and heavier. Catherine didn't need to open her eyes to know that Sara was finally asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

Sara was sitting on stairs at the front of the house. She had taken a couple hour walk to the market and back to get an excuse of getting out of the house for a while. Not that staying at Willows residence was that bad, actually not bad at all, but she just needed a moment alone. Saying that she wasn't a bit reserved all the time would've been a lie, but otherwise last two days had been nice. Catherine and Lindsey were both great. Though Lindsey was moody at times, but it seemed to be only towards Catherine. To her she was friendly and thought Sara had never considered herself good with kids, with Lindsey they seemed to get along quite well in fact. Obviously Lindsey was happy to get someone to talk with while she was grounded and couldn't go out. The girl liked her cards and they spend hours playing games that some _Samuel _had taught to her. Sara couldn't help a smile when she thought about the face Lindsey had every time she talked about him. And because Catherine obviously didn't know that her daughter had a boyfriend and there was some tension between the two of them, Sara chose to keep her mouth shut, save Catherine from the shock and keep Lindsey out of trouble. Sure the girl was burning in need to tell her mother about it once things got a little nicer between them again.

Sara pulled a pack of cigarettes out of the small bag she had brought from the store and lightened one. What else she had in the bag, was a box of aspirins. She knew Catherine would give her something if she'd only asked, but she didn't want to worry her by revealing that she'd been having a headache every fifth hour for the last two days. _I should better ask her why she even cares so much but…_ It would only bring up another subject she however wasn't ready handle.

About those headaches; Sara knew it was time to see a doctor since the headaches and migraines didn't seem to give up, but she wasn't so enthusiastic of the idea. At some lever she had tried to accept what had happened to her, because she had this idea that if she could accept it she could also try to forget it and move on with her life. But what she wasn't ready to accept was that after almost a month she was still reminded of it almost every time when things were good. Every time when she was feeling or doing good.

Being at Catherine's had been like a vacation to her. She wasn't alone, she felt safe, and she didn't have time to think too much because she was being systematically distracted, which she never had thought she would appreciate so much. It was so different to be at somewhere where she didn't need to be afraid all the time. She did feel safe and comfortable with Greg as well, but for some reason it was totally different to be with a female. Catherine wasn't her 'best friend' exactly nor she even knew the woman that well, but after a little more time, she had felt peaceful and secure of sleeping beside her. Holding her hand had been like holding Greg's hand, only better.

"What makes you think that you can smoke at the front of my house?" Catherine's voice came behind her making Sara startle. She looked up to see the blond that walked beside her.

"Oh sorry I..."

"No, it's okay. I'm just kidding. You can smoke here if you like." Catherine said softly as she sat down next to her. "Just, if possible: Don't let Lindsey see you smoke. She admires you and wants to do the same... if she's not doing it already." Catherine added with an unsure voice.

"Nah, trust me, Lindsey doesn't smoke." Sara said and blew smoke out of her lungs. She was gazing the sun set, but saw in the corner of her eye how Catherine was looking at her in question. "She asked me what it's like to smoke. So she doesn't smoke or ever have. Or probably never will if you ask my opinion." Sara said with a soft laugh.

"Wow. Then I believe I should be relieved. I suppose..." Catherine shrugged. She tried to hide the sadness in her voice. After one night Sara knew more what was going on in her daughter's current life than she had knew for the last 6 months. She didn't know either to be jealous or grateful that at least someone knew what was going on in the girl's life. Catherine noticed the silence and took a glance at Sara. The woman sitting next to her seemed to be miles away.

"What are you thinking?" Catherine asked gently. Sara snapped back on the surface of earth. She turned her brown eyes on Catherine.

"Nothing really..." Sara answered and smiled a little before turning her head away again. She wrapped her arms around her knees and sucked the filter. There was another silent.

"Hey, Catherine..."

"Yes?"

"I'm... really glad that I can be here. Thank you." Sara said and made Catherine smile.

"Sara I wouldn't mind if you stayed longer." Catherine said, but didn't get an answer. She waited Sara to finish her cigarette before they both stood up and went back inside.

Sara still wasn't talk too much, but Catherine could tell she was doing better. It looked like Sara was feeling more relaxed at the moment. Unlike most of the times when she saw her. Sara went to kitchen to pour herself a glass of water. She took the aspirins out of the paper bag and squeezed a pill out of the disc.

"Headache?" Catherine asked. She was leaning against the corner and watching Sara's movements. Sara nodded.

"A li-..." She didn't get to finish the sentence when the music playing upstairs reached her consciousness and made her jerk so frantically that she almost drop the glass. Her world almost blackened. The music intruding her brain brought her a vision of a guy intruding her apartment and a glance of a fist before it hit her face causing pain she never thought she would need to feel again. She got the vision of her screaming and the vision where the guy was on her, panting into her neck and forcing himself inside her. She gripped the counter to hold standing and fight with all of her power to not puke or lose her mind to the images.

* * *

Catherine startled the loudness of the music and looked behind her shoulder, but a loud thud returned her intention almost immediately back to Sara. Catherine watched with horror how Sara turned pale and started shaking. The woman was squeezing her eyes shut and gripping the edge of counter so hard her knuckles became white. Catherine realised it was the music and ran upstairs as fast as she could. _Damn!_

Catherine rushed in Lindsey's room and snapped the CD-player off.

"Mom!?"

Catherine ignored Lindsey and took the CD out. She took a look at the label. _Sara had the same record broken in her apartment... _

"What the hell is wrong with you??!" Lindsey's angry, irritated and extremely confused voice returned her intention back to the moment.

"Watch your language!" Catherine snapped. Lindsey look at her like she didn't believe what was happening or what was wrong with her mother once again. Catherine took another CD from the folder and handed it to Lindsey. "Here. Listen...", she took a look at the cover, "Linkin Park for a change." Catherine said and drew her eyes into slits. Lindsey gave Catherine the same look and snapped the CD out of Catherine's hand with an angry groan. Catherine saw the furrow in Lindsey's eyes, but ignored it. She took a step closer to the cd-folder and took the other two System Of A Down's CDs also with her. She knew Lindsey was standing behind her ready to hit her with something. "Go back to your things." She said Lindsey with a normal voice like nothing never happened as she left the room. She heard Lindsey kick the door close behind her and after that another sound that most likely came from a trash can kicked against the door. Catherine took a look at the CDs. She simply put them in a drawer she passed in the hallway and after that hurried her way back downstairs. Sara was just drinking the water she had almost dropped earlier. Her hands were still slightly shaking.

"Sara? You're okay?" Catherine asked and came closer. She didn't put her hand on Sara's shoulder like she wanted to do. She wasn't sure if it would only scare the woman even more than she already was. Sara put the glass down, wiped her mouth and tried to keep her breathing as calm as she could.

"Yeah. Yea, I'm fine." Sara said. Her voice didn't come out as calm as she was hoping but at least it sounded more normal than trembling. She looked Catherine straight in the eye as convincing as possible. Obviously she didn't do that good job with it since all the worry and sorry in Catherine's eyes didn't fade.

"Really. I'm fine. I'll just... It's nothing. Really." Sara rambled.

"Sure?"

Sara nodded. "Okay." Catherine said softly and stroked Sara's arm soothingly. Sara lowered her face and nodded again. They both heard steps and turned their looks to the stairs. Lindsey run down but lowered her speed dramatically once she saw the women. She exchanged looks with both, Sara and her mother, and what ever hostile attitude she had thought to have she decided to drop it.

"Um... a coke, if you mind..." Lindsey said to Catherine who was standing in front of the fridge. She was asking via her look what was going on.

"Here." Catherine handed her a can from the fridge and gave her a look what's meaning was left in dark to Lindsey. What she could tell was that at least her mother had something more to think that to be mad at her at the moment.

"Having a headache, Sara?" Lindsey asked and popped the can open. Catherine turned her eyes back on Sara.

"Yeah, a little." Sara answered._ A lot actually_. She felt the pain rising and due the recent episode it was twice as bad as earlier.

"You wanna lie down for a while?" Catherine asked. Sara nodded and said that she'll be upstairs. Though being a guest she'd normally feel more comfortable saying she'll be at the couch, but right now she wanted to be some where sound proofed place.

After Sara was gone Lindsey turned her eyes at Catherine again. Her look was still asking the same question. She saw that Catherine wasn't going to give her the answer and after giving her mother a long, meaningful look she turned on her heels and walked away. Catherine heard Lindsey open the TV and turn down the voice on level where it couldn't reach upstairs.

_Maybe it's time for you to stop being such an ass Willows..._ Catherine thought and after a while followed Lindsey at the couch. Lindsey didn't turn her look from the TV like she hadn't done for ages, but didn't squirm away either when Catherine sat next to her, wrapped her arm behind the girls shoulders and pulled her daughter closer.

Catherine ignored Lindsey's total ignorance and only stayed there, watching the TV with her in a mutual silence. Somewhere close half ten Lindsey got up and left before Catherine even got change to remind her that it was her bed time.

* * *

"...oh god... no... please... no-h...no...". A whimpering and fidgeting figure beside her woke Catherine up. She turned around and saw that Sara was crying in her sleep. She was having a nightmare.

"...no, don't, please stop.."

"Sara?"

"Stop… please… stop...NO!!" Sara screamed and jumped up sending Catherine backwards. Sara woke up and started crying hysterically.

_Jesus!_

"Sara? Sara, it's over! It was just a nightmare..." Catherine hurried to wrap her arm around the younger woman and stroked her back frantically. Sara had her head buried against her knees and hands clasped behind her head. She couldn't take a descent breath between the sobbing. "It's okay. It's okay. Just calm down..." Catherine kept calling and hoped that Sara would hear it. Her attention snapped to the doorway and she saw horror faced Lindsey rush inside and froze to her standings.

"Mom??"

"Everything's fine Lindsey, go back to your bed!" Catherine told. Lindsey got her eyes out of Sara and stared at her mother. Catherine nodded her with assurance and after a second Lindsey got her ability to move back and returned her room.

Catherine wrapped both of her arms around Sara and hugged her tightly. "It's okay. It's all over now." Catherine mumbled into Sara's hair and rocked the woman slightly to calm her down.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." Sara managed to say after she got her breathing stabilized.

"Don't apologize. You have no reason to apologize. You hear me?" Catherine said and kept rubbing Sara's back when they separated. She reached behind her to grab a tissue from the nightstand.

"Thank you..." Sara whispered and tried to not cry when she didn't anymore know what she was crying at exactly.

"Shh... it's okay." Catherine soothed and brushed hair out of Sara's face. With couple more minutes Sara stopped sobbing and got her ability to think back.

"Oh God!" Sara jumped and looked over her shoulder. "Oh God, Lindsey..." Sara started to panic.

"Shh. She's okay. Thrust me, she's seen worse. .." Catherine said and tried to smile a little. Sara's shoulders dropped and she buried her face into her hands and started crying again. Catherine wrapped her arms around her once again and stroked her hair. "It's okay..." She murmured.

After Sara got herself calm again she straightened herself up a little and pulled herself free from Catherine's embrace. She felt embarrassing. Though the nightmare made her still quiver all over, she felt stupid. It took her some time to realise that Catherine was trying to ask her something.

"I asked if you want fresh clothes." Catherine repeated with a soft voice.

"Um..." Sara took a look at her clothing and realised it was all stick with sweat.

"I'll get you some. Lie down." Catherine said and stroked Sara's arm comfortably. Sara only nodded. After her heard beat settled down and the whole episode was over… God how tired she felt again. "I'll go check up Lindsey at the same." Catherine said as she got out of the bed. Sara slowly lied on her side again, draw her knees up and put her hands under her head. _I'll give anything to this be over. I give anything to get things how they used to be..._

* * *

Catherine came inside from the balcony and threw the paper on a table. She took a look around and saw no one. Time was over 11 a.m. but Catherine had no intents to wake Sara up. She considered her fatigue as a good thing. Sleeping eased stress and made Sara more relaxed.

"Mom?" Catherine heard Lindsey's voice and lifted her look. "What's wrong with Sara?" Lindsey asked with a serious face before Catherine got change to say 'hi'.

Catherine walked over and took a look at Lindsey. She leaned her hip against the table edge and crossed her arms loosely while she tried to figure what to answer. "And don't think I'm stupid. I can see something's going on and that Sara's not here just because some plumbing works." Lindsey said with an accusing tone, knowing the type of the answer that Catherine had just been about to give her. Catherine laughed shortly and rubbed her forehead.

"No honey I don't think you're stupid. Speaking of truth I think you're too smart for your own good..." Catherine sighed with a sad smile. She was still trying to figure what to say to her daughter. She definitely wasn't going to tell what had happened, but didn't want to piss her off by not giving her any explanation either.

"So...?" Lindsey pushed when her mother didn't show any signs of talking.

"Okay look, Sara has something going in her life that ain't so easy" Catherine started and looked her daughter straight into eye while she talked. "She has some personal matters that are giving her a rough time right now. And when she needed a place to stay I offered her to come here. Which I'm very really glad she did. I wanted her to be here so she didn't need to be alone. You understand, right?" Catherine spoke with a soft voice and touched Lindsey's hair removing the loose trails back behind her ear.

"Oka-y... then what's going on with her?"

"Like I said, it's a personal matter. It's not your business any more than it's my business. It's only her business." Catherine explained.

"I just asked because... I just wanted to know if there's anything I can... we can… do for her... y'know..." Lindsey half mumbled and looked down and then rolled her eyes around the room. Catherine smiled and captured Lindsey's spinning head by touching her chin slightly.

"We, can help her best by being nice to her." Catherine said and clasped her hands loosely behind Lindsey's back pulling the girl a little closer. Lindsey rolled her eyes in irritation and disappointment, like _what else the last two days have been then if not being nice?!_ "Which is something you know how to do, right?" Catherine said smiling and gave Lindsey a gentle squeeze.

"Yea,yea..." Lindsey mumbled. She wasn't so much familiar with taking compliments anymore, lately. "Can I ask her if she likes to go for a walk at the park after she wakes up? Or does the grounding forbid me the access on fresh air too?" Lindsey asked sarcastically without looking at Catherine.

"Sure. It sounds like a good idea." Catherine said and kept the kind smile on her face. She ignored the tone in Lindsey's voice and only wrapped her arms more tightly around her to hug her properly. She pressed her nose into girl's hair and inhaled the scent.

"I love you sweetie." Catherine said and pressed a kiss on Lindsey's temple.

Lindsey sort-of-a-hugged her back and after a second mumbled something that sounded like, "yea, yea... love you too" back before pulling away from the embrace and escaping at the balcony.

After Lindsey was gone, Catherine let out an almost bitter sigh. _When sharing those words became this awkward?_

* * *

Catherine startled awake. _Man, how did I fall in sleep..._ She took a look around her and noticed that Sara wasn't there. She put away the book she'd been reading earlier and took a look at the time. It was almost midnight.

She got out of the bed and after pulling on a cardigan that was hanging on a closet nub, she exited the bed room. She sneaked pass Lindsey's room and went downstairs. The TV was still on, but there was no sight of Sara in the living room. Or anywhere else either. After wandering around for a while, Catherine spotted the door to the balcony was left cracked. She gently pushed it open and found Sara sitting on a bench outside. The woman was hugging her knees and staring blindly at the darkness.

"Sara? What are you doing here?" Catherine asked confused as she stepped at the balcony leaving the door as it had been earlier. She drew her cardigan more tightly around herself as she slowly walked closer to Sara. Man the night wind was a bitch.

Sara didn't seem to feel the coolness. Catherine passed the brunette and sat next to her. The woman seemed to be wrapped inside her own world again, but something in her expression told Catherine that this time it was something far more serious. Catherine was just about to say something when Sara opened her mouth and started talking.

"He smelled like chemical. Like crack breathe y'know... it took me a long time to figure out what it was but today at the park, when Lindsey started talking about the drug ad we passed, I finally figured it out." Sara spoke slowly. Her voice sounded hollow.

_She's talking about the rape..._ Catherine felt her heart beat faster.

"I really don't know where to start... or what to talk..." Sara said and rocked herself a couple times unconsciously. Her eyes looked around but didn't focus on anything or seem to see anything. She still seemed to be partly at somewhere else.

"Why don't you start from the beginning." Catherine gestured with a soft and calm voice. Sara's eyes were looking at Catherine's direction but didn't look at Catherine. She remained silent for a while before returning her original position and stared at the emptiness again.

"I don't even really know how it all began. It all happened so fast, before I even realised it. I heard a knock. I thought it was the delivery guy again. That he'd forget something... He kicked the door open and hit me before I got change to see who he was. He punched me onto face and made me fly on the floor and hit my head against the floor. Then he started hitting me... calling me bitch. I remember I was screaming so he yelled me to shut up... the stupid thing is that…" Sara let out a wry laughter "I remember my mind hovering between rational and scared… Like in one moment I tried to take a look at him or figure out how to defence myself, and then at the other moment I was only so scared that I couldn't do anything. Only scream. I was afraid that he was going to kill me. I had no idea what was going to happen next and it almost made me panic. I remember thinking that 'what ever you do, don't loose it'... which is kinda stupid, considering..." Sara said and half laughed again. It sounded nothing but empty. "Then when I started realise again..." Sara was about to start shaking. A tear run down to her cheek. Catherine recalled the interview at the station and her own vision started to get blurry. She was about to be sick even Sara hadn't even said the part aloud.

"...I realised he was still on me. He had ripped my shirt open and..." Sara was crying even though her voice didn't broke. "...and... I had no pants on. He was between my knees getting his jeans open..." Sara started rocking herself again. "I felt so damn helpless..." Sara's voice started fading. She got the image of it all over again. "I couldn't do anything even if I wanted to. And I wanted to get him off me. I didn't want him do to that, I really didn't! I just couldn't get him off me!" Sara cried.

"I know you didn't. It wasn't you're fault, you hear me?" Catherine said with a lot of weight on her words. She came closer to rub Sara's back to calm her down.

"I remember thinking that it wasn't me. When it happened it was like, it was just someone else and I was watching the whole thing as an outsider. It wasn't my body he was raping..." Another tear ran down Sara's face. Her face turned angrier. "It felt like forever. I felt sick. I can still feel his breath on my neck... and the pain when he bit me... The noises he made just..." Sara was fighting to not throw up. "When it all ended I somehow got my power back and tried to get my self free. He grabbed my hair again and hit my head against the floor... It all went black again... then he started kicking me… he spit on me and... I scared he was going to kill me!" Sara was about to say more but the voice got stuck into her throat. Her face was wet with tears. Catherine pulled Sara into a fierce hug. Sara was shaking almost violently and crying even a sound didn't come out. Catherine rubbed Sara's back and pressed the woman's head against her shoulder.

Sara broke and started sobbing. She buried her head into Catherine's shoulder and clutched the older woman desperately. She tried to say something but couldn't utter anything coherent between the sobs.

"I know... It's okay honey... I know... Everything's gonna be okay..." Catherine said and pressed a kiss on Sara hair.

_God… what that prick did to you, Sara. What did he do to you... How could he hurt you like this..._ Catherine wiped her own tears away while she kept rocking Sara and whispered consoles into her ear.

* * *

Sara felt something warm being placed on her back and took a look over her shoulder. She saw Catherine standing behind her. Catherine wrapped a blanked around Sara and after that circled to the other side of the couch and sat next to Sara.

Neither of them talked. Catherine was giving Sara some time to get herself back together. In the mean while she had time to get her own thoughts back in order. She tried to hold back her anger and eagerness to kill the guy. Gary, the investigator of the case, had came to her office a few days ago and told that the case wasn't going anywhere. Fingerprints from the apartment were unknown and the rapist's DNA wasn't in the CODIS. They had everything to nail the guy but nothing to catch him. Catherine wasn't ready to accept that the bastard was getting away of it. Gary had protected the identity of the victim so that basically no one knew her being one of their own, and that's why due the deadlock, the case was going cold. On Monday it would be just another unsolved box, waiting a match from some other case.

Catherine turned her eyes on Sara who was holding the blanked tight around her. She reached to stroke her arm gently. Sara closed her eyes and leaned her head on Catherine's direction.

"Do you feel any better now?" Catherine asked sympathetically.

Sara nodded weakly. She got her head back straight and opened her eyes. Catherine saw the emptiness that had been hiding inside her look. Sara was physically and emotionally spent. And after hearing what she had went through and how much she had kept inside her, Catherine couldn't blame her.

"I thought that I'd be stronger… y'know." Sara said. Her voice was calm and quiet. "Like, every now and then when you have certain kind of cases you sometimes come to thing what your own reaction would be if it happened to you. I never considered myself to be this pathetic." Sara said with a strong hint of self-accuse in her voice.

"You're not pathetic, Sara." Catherine stated firmly. "You're everything else but pathetic."

Sara only shook her head with an ironical look on her face. Her eyes were still locked to stare blindly forward.

"I've seen people get over a lot worse. But when it comes to me, I'm not so sure if I'm going to get through this…" She admitted with a void, depressed voice. She tried, she really did, but it all started to be just too overwhelming, and she wasn't sure how much longer she could keep taking it. The pain inside her didn't ease and she felt like it never would. She had heard that something like 15 per cent of rape victims attempted suicide… _well, not I'd blame them_. She sometimes considered how nice and easy it'd be to join them.

"Sara, listen to be. You'll get through this. You have people who will help you to get through this. You have Greg, who will always be there for you." Catherine said with soft but firm voice as she came to sit closer. She took a hold of Sara's hand that was lying on her knee and holding the blanked securely around her. She was patting the cool hand with her thumb. "And you have me." Catherine said. Sara lowered her look. "And we're here for you. Sara we are here to help you. You're not alone. I swear you'll never be alone." Catherine promised.

Sara lifted her look a little to see Catherine's face. Catherine lowered her head to catch Sara's eyes.

"We'll get you through this."

* * *

**Thanks for reading …it was actually a bit surprise to see how much people have been reading the story… and a huge thanks for all the reviews. Can't put it in words how much I appreciate them!! Thanks again!**

**And… urghlmm…Blaah... I'll try to get this thing completed, but right now I'm also trying to graduate so… But I'll try to finish this, and most likely try to correct the most terrible mistakes with the language in the previous chapters, when I've my next vacation and more time again.**

**(Oh and, all feedback is still very welcome ;) )**


	13. Chapter 13

Sara's unconsciousness got distracted by her surroundings and she was soon drawn awake. She slowly opened her eyes and waited the haziness to disappear. Discovery Channel was telling silently about something that had something to do with sea. A figure in white T-shirt and black boxers passed her.

"Morning sunshine... Do you feel like waking up?" Greg asked softly as he went to get himself a pair of pants to put on before dressing for work. Sara closed her eyes again and rubbed them with her right hand.

"What time is it?" She asked with voice that barely reached above a whisper. Greg came next to her and sat cross legged on the floor.

"Almost 2.30." Sara turned her sleepy eyes on Greg. They spend a half of minute just staring each other before sharing a little smile and Sara closing her eyes again.

_This is a good way to wake up. _

Sara turned on her side so they could be face to face. Her eyes got open for a second to see that Greg was still looking at her with that same grin on his face.

"What...?" Sara asked tiredly. Greg reached something from behind the corner of couch and brought it under Sara's nose, making Sara widen her smile.

"It's your if you get your ass up." Greg said and blew into the coffee before taking a sip. Sara groaned and reluctantly sat up.

"You're just mean, you know that?" She complained as Greg came to sit next to her and handed her the coffee. She took a sip and rested her head against the back of the couch, savouring the taste. If there ever was a need of excuse to go visit Sanders, it certainly was the quality of his coffee. _And bizarre how him being there right next to me makes things actually taste something. _

"How long have you been awake?"

"Only a while. I didn't mind to wake you up after you crashed on the couch. Hope your neck doesn't hurt..."

"Nah, I'm good." Sara said before taking another sip.

Sara had fallen asleep on the couch almost right after they had got in and Greg hadn't had the guts to wake her. Knowing how dead beat she was he rather covered her and made sure she wasn't cold, than woke her up just to tell to get in bed.

They watched TV in silence that was now and then cut by Sara swilling the hot coffee.

"Have you talked with Catherine lately?" Greg asked and turned his eyes on Sara. Sara had told him something about the weekend they had spent together, but hadn't talk about Catherine since. Greg wasn't sure if something had happened and it was a bad thing, or that they just haven't been that much in contact recently.

"Not that much. We haven't really got change to see each other lately." Sara explained and slid her body lower on the couch, lifting her feet on a coffee table at the same.

"She seems to really care about you. Well, not that I thought she was absolutely hating you earlier, but..." Greg stated. He waited Sara to answer something to his rambling, but only respond he got was a feeling of Sara's head been pressed against his shoulder.

"Hey you wanna hear a little secret?" Sara asked with mischievous voice, breaking the silence she had created. Greg could hear from her voice that she was smiling.

"Always." Greg said and placed his arm gently around Sara's shoulders, pulling her a little closer to him. He couldn't put it on words how great it felt to be able huddle up with Sara like they'd used to do in old times, and know that she was starting to trust people again.

"Catherine..." Sara slowly started. She tried to fight back the smile that soon would reach ear to ear. "...has a little... thing for me?" She finished and bit her lip as he waited Greg's reaction.

"What?"

"Uh huh..." Sara nodded.

"You're serious?" Greg looked Sara with some what bewildered smile on his face. Sara nodded again and buried her head into Greg's chest to avoid facing him. "Wow... how do you... I mean, are you..."

"Oh I'm sure. She um... she kissed me. Once."

"WoW!!" Greg laughed even more confused.

"That night when, things got a little over heated..." Sara didn't want to specify the night since they both knew it almost too well. "I went onto roof to have a smoke and, she came there, and, we talked and, she seemed to be freezing so I gave her my jacket and, we talked. She said something about how glad she was to hear me laugh and, then..." Sara couldn't help blushing when memory of the kiss entered her mind. She remembered exactly the way Catherine's lips had felt like against hers. What she had tasted like. At the moment she could almost say it had been the best kiss she'd ever had.

"And then you just, started to make out?" Greg said with a grin and felt Sara pinch him. Greg couldn't help laughing.

"And then I also asked her." Sara continued her voice back normal and head straight from her dreams again. "The next night when we were out. She thinks I was too wasted to remember."

Greg took a while trying to realise what Sara had just told her. It brought his mind something less amusing and he laughed shortly, fair sadness in his voice.

"What?" Sara asked a little confused.

"Nothing... it's just... little ironic, don't you think." Greg's said quietly. Unfair was the other word that crossed his mind, but he didn't want to say it.

"What?"

"That you had your thing for her, and now..."

Sara went completely silent. She hadn't really thought about it. Not after her life had been turned upside down without anyone asking her permission. "Yeah. It is a little ironical..." Sara half whispered with grave voice. She had her crush on Catherine and now when the thing she had never, not even in her wildest dreams expected to happen, was appeared to be bitter reality. Now when Catherine seemed to have some sort of interest to her, she couldn't even think about having something like relationship.

Her cool looking head was a real mess up from the inside. Her life was a rollercoaster where one good day was usually followed by two in pure hell. Some times she couldn't help getting anxious around other people, no matter who they were. Trusting to her own friends and co-workers had became an issue, no matter how hard she tried to make sense and convince herself that they were the people she could trust with her life. Suddenly everyone excluding Greg had become her enemy and being cautious and scared all the time was eating her. She wasn't emotionally stable, and no matter how much she'd like to try out how things would develop with Catherine, she didn't want to do that because it wouldn't be a normal relationship or anyway fair to Catherine.

Sara and Greg stayed at the couch until the science document, that neither of them was truly even interested, ended and they both started to get their days started. Sara took a shower and changed into clean clothes while Greg put his things ready and got his apartment in order that'd be nicer to enter after, most likely, over-timed shift.

"Are we sharing a ride?" Greg asked after Sara exited the bathroom. Sara laughed shortly and sat on a bed starting to tie up her shoes.

"Someone's soon gonna thing we live together..."

"Someone doesn't care what people think." Greg mumbled and came to sit on a hand rest of the couch across Sara. "And why would that be so bad thing anyway?" Greg added with a smirk on his face. Sara gave him a warning look as she witched a leg.

"Not that it'd be a bad thing... just unfair to all those people who has a crush on me." Sara smirked back as she got up and went to get her bag behind the couch. Greg only laughed at her comment. "We need to go through my place after work, bye the way." Sara said as they walked towards the door.

"Sure. Clean clothes?"

"Yep." Sara answered nothing but beaming. God how much she hoped that the new apartment would be available already and all the fooling around could be over.

* * *

Catherine entered the break room and found three people sitting around the table. 

"Hi guys." She said and went to get herself a cup of coffee.

"Hello Catherine." Greg greeted back behalf all of them.

"What're you all doing here?" Catherine asked as she took a seat opposite Sara. They exchanges short looks.

"I'm on a break..." Nick said and threw another two matches into a pile between him and Greg. "I don't know what ever shirking those two are doing."

"Ha-ha, funny. We're waiting Grissom to hand us a new assignment." Greg said and took the raise. Catherine leaned backwards on her seat and took a look at what Greg and Nick were doing.

"Wasn't, gambling on duty some sort of violation against the rules... last time I checked." She made a point and blew into her coffee to cool it off. She also took a glance at Greg's cards and hoped for Nick's sake that they weren't playing for real money.

"Who said anything about gambling? We're just..."

"Having a case involving experiment." Greg smirked. Catherine rolled her eyes and started sipping her coffee.

"You're just pretending to be cool and play with matches like bad boys do in prison. Your way to flee out of the reality that you're just a sad couple of nerds trapped inside a lab." Sara smirked without lifting her eyes of the news paper crossword she was filling. Catherine wasn't sure how the comment was supposed to take. Greg gave Sara a dark but playful look and Catherine realised that it was all just a part of some inside thing between Sara and Greg. The door opened and everyone excluding Sara took a look at Warrick.

"Hey G, you're with me. 419 at the desert."

"Okay…" Greg said and returned his attention back to the game. "Watch and weep, my friend..." Greg said with a grin as he landed his cards onto table and stood up grabbing his jacket from the back of his chair at the same.

"Oh damn..." Nick groaned with a troubled face and threw his cards on top of Greg's four aces.

Catherine and Sara both smiled by themselves. Nick's pager beeped and he reached it from his pocket. He got up and made his way past Warrick mumbling something about DNA results being ready. Unlike Nick, Greg seemed to have trouble leaving, for Warrick's displease. He frowned as he saw Greg return the table and start collecting the matches into his pocket.

"Ready now?" He asked with a sarcastic tone in his voice as Greg turned around again. Sara got her eyes off the crossword and leaned her head back with a smile on her face as she locked gazes with Greg. Warrick rolled his eyes with an annoyed groan.

"Okay rubber boy, I'll promise you're gonna see your girlfriend right in few hours if we could please just go already!"

_Girlfriend?? _Catherine's eyes hit Sara by the minute she heard the word.

Greg turned his eyes on Warrick but didn't stop smiling as he changed the target of his attention.

"Girlfriend? What girlfriend? I'm single..." Greg grinned as he walked towards Warrick. Warrick's face softened and he half chuckled.

"Yeah right, and your everyday car pooling is just for saving the planet... you seriously thought no one would ever notice?" Warrick said ironically as he exited the room Greg firmly behind him.

Catherine returned her eyes on Sara and saw that the younger woman was still smiling by herself as she kept filling the crossword. Catherine tried to hide her shock and try to get her brains to work so they could tell her was the previous just joking or really true. She hadn't ever asked Sara anything, only assumed they were just friends with Greg. But in the other hand, what would be so surprising if they actually were a couple? They were about same age, had same interests and they appeared to be together 24/7. Greg made Sara happy, and the knowledge of Sara being happy made Catherine happy. _So if I'm this happy to hear that they might be a couple, then why on hell am I hurting this much?? _

Sara lifted her eyes from the paper and saw Catherine stare at her like she'd just been slapped; even she apparently tried to hide it.

"He's kidding." Sara said half laughing. Catherine tried to not look too relieved. She nodded and took a long sip of her coffee, hiding her face behind the mug at the same. Sara returned her concentration back to her task and filled all the 14ths with Q.

Catherine took a quick look at Sara and placed her coffee cup carefully on the table. "So, you don't come in together?" She asked a bit unsure.

"No that's true. We do." Sara said. She soon realised she needed to explain a little and a glance at Catherine's face only confirmed it. She threw her pen and paper onto table and leaned back on her seat. "We come in together, but we're definitely not a couple." Sara explained.

"Okay." Catherine said. "Look, don't get me wrong, I'm not judging you even if there would be something between you two..." _Liar!_

"Trust me, there isn't. Just friends." Sara said, sensing Catherine's inner feelings. She took another, a much more serious look at Catherine. "Thought you should know that already..." She said and made Catherine look at her. "Hey Cath, can I ask you something personal?" Sara asked, never letting her eyes leave Catherine.

"Depends..." Catherine answered a little reserved. She didn't like the way Sara was looking at her. She felt like being some sort of a science project inside a glass cube.

"Do you like women?" Sara asked carefully and stopped to gauge the reaction. She was shocked of herself and that how far she had gone, but she didn't care of it. Catherine looked stunned for a moment, but gathered her confidence back in a second.

She laughed roughly and lifted her eye brown slightly as she reached for her coffee. "Isn't that a little bit too personal question you're asking...". Her heard was still beating so hard she was afraid Sara would soon hear it, but at least she had her outside coolness back.

Sara shrugged. "I dunno. You asked me if I was seeing Greg." She equalized.

"Actually no I didn't. You told me the type of your relationship all by yourself." Catherine said while drinking her coffee. She took the news paper Sara had abandoned and unfolded it. Sara studied Catherine and couldn't help a dry smile. The toughness of the woman didn't exactly amuse her, but it was admirable.

"Okay. I apologize.." Sara said. Catherine's lack of reaction told that she had obviously misunderstood the meaning of it and made Sara's smile turn mischievous. "It was a stupid question 'cos I know you do."

Catherine's look pierced through Sara. Sara lifted her eye-brown with 'how's that?' look on her face. Catherine could only stare at her and hope that her face didn't look as shocked as she was.

"I'm wasn't as drunk as you think."

Catherine could stare at Sara. Before she got chance for a response, the door flung open again and Grissom's head popped in.

"Sara, I have a case for you…"

* * *

Catherine pushed the stuff's door of PD open and stepped outside. Set of sirens broke up the air at the other side of the building, but otherwise the area was pretty quiet. She walked around a corner to parking lots and started looking for her keys. Before she reached her car she spotted someone familiar standing beside a street lamp. Part of her wanted to ignore the person and just circulate her to get to her car, but her heals would eventually reveal her at the otherwise empty parking lot, and she also still had her bride and all intents of keeping it, so she just bucked up and changed her direction towards the brunette. Sara heard steps and took a glance at her left. She saw Catherine's approach her and stood a little straighter, sucking the filter of her smoke more nervously. 

"You're still doing that?" Catherine asked with casual voice, opening the conversation. She came to stand next to Sara and folded her arms.

"Still, yeah." Sara said nervously. She felt awkward after their last encounter. Awkward and stupid. "Cath, listen..." She continued before Catherine got to say anything. "I'm sorry about the earlier. I'm just a..." _Big fucking mess right now_. "an, idiot and a screw up. Wasn't exactly my intent to be like that." Sara finished and looked down, sucking the last of her cigarette. At the moment it almost physically hurt to throw the butt away. She was forced to turn her look at Catherine, who at first looked as cold and obviously hurt as her voice had told, but then her face softened a little. She half smiled and reached her hand to give a quick squeeze to Sara's arm.

"You're not an idiot or a screw up." Catherine said and crossed her arms again. She wasn't sure what to say next. Sara's appearance told that she obviously hadn't meant to be so rude earlier, but the hostility back then couldn't be totally insignificant either. She didn't know why Sara was so angry at her, but sure was willing to know.

"I..." Sara's voice brought Catherine's attention back to the younger woman. Sara was struggling with her words. "I... uh, think it's a crucial time for us to talk." Sara stated, looking down to her feet. "I'm not sure if this should take long, I just have a few things to explain." Sara said and glanced over Catherine.

"Okay. I think I have a minute for that." Catherine promised.

Sara was fidgeting as she thought about the whole thing. Telling Catherine what ever she was going tell wasn't the problem; the thing that really bugged her was the knowledge of that she had hurt Catherine. At times the unexplained anger inside her came out as being a bitch to others, and unfortunately the person she had been mouthing off most had been Catherine.

"Okay, um, I don't know how to put anything in 'smart' words, so I'm just gonna speak straight. You see... I don't know if you have any feelings for me, but I remember the conversation we had. Bye to way, I'm sorry I never told. Anyway... well, that plus the thing that happened before that, it makes me believe my feelings weren't one sided." Sara said without looking at Catherine. Her eyes were following something else at the entry of the parking area. Cars, leafs, ghosts, emptiness...

After Sara's accounting was over, Catherine was left a little out of words. _Did she just say one sided?_ Catherine frowned and turned her eyes on Sara again, hoping some kind of impression that would give her more information, but Sara wasn't looking at her. Not even close. She was just digging something from the pocket of her jacket, which soon turned out to be her cigarettes.

"Oh, for God's sake don't do that!" Catherine snapped irritation in her voice. The fact that her brains were running thousand miles/hour at the moment and the whole situation was making her a little tense. Being in situation where she had no idea what she should do wasn't something she was experimenting so often. Sara's head turned in surprise and she looked Catherine a bit astonished. "Honey I'm serious! You gotta get rid of that habit before it ruins your health and gives you a cancer!" Catherine claimed and told through her look that she wasn't kidding.

Sara dropped the packet and lighter back into her pocket. "Honey?" She echoed after realising that Catherine had actually called her that. _Except that, hasn't she called me that more than once already? How didn't I realise it back then..._ Another voice inside Sara's head shouted that maybe it was because she was a weak fucking loser who couldn't get her head straight enough to realise what happened around her. She mentally shook her head to get her thoughts clear and turned her eyes back on Catherine again.

Catherine first didn't do anything, but after that looked down and then Sara again with a flirtatious smile hovering over her lips. Sara rolled her eyes and couldn't help smiling.

"Nice try... You can't do that every time when you're in trouble!" Sara claimed, not believing she was trying to do the same thing again she had done at the roof. Last time it had made her shut up and stop questioning but not on this time.

Catherine burst into a laugh. "So using my sexuality won't work with you, huh?"

"Not on this time." Sara said ignoring that Catherine was reminding her of another insult she had threw on her face once or twice.

Catherine was about to make a comment of that Sara was flirting back when a sound of her beeper cracked the air, cutting her before she got to say a word. She grabbed it off her waist.

"Got your way out, huh?" Sara teased. Catherine gave her a warning look, even though she was smiling.

"It seems that my break's over. Gotta get back to lab." Catherine said as she put her pager back in it's place.

"Break? I thought you were leaving..." Sara said, nodding towards the car keys in Catherine's hand.

"Just, fresh air and I left a piece of evidence in the trunk." Catherine said. "When are you getting off?"

"Huh?"

"Off the shift."

"Oh! Right. I dunno exactly. Why?"

Catherine looked Sara straight into eye and slowly took a step closer. "Well, I would like to talk more, so I thought maybe we could go have breakfast after work...?" She asked. "Or we can meet at my place if you like it better." She offered.

Sara nodded. "Okay. I guess I'll show up at your place then." She took a fleeting look at Catherine and saw her smile. Without any further words Catherine visited her car and went back inside. Sara watched Catherine's shadow disappear behind a corner and she took a step backwards leaning her back against a street lamb with a quiet groan. _Oh God, this can end up really, really bad..._

* * *

**Thanks for reading, double thanks for the reviews!**


	14. Chapter 14

Catherine took a look at the time and saw it was close to twelve. She put the rest of her groceries quickly into the closet and made her way upstairs. After Sara had sent her a message that she'd be a couple of hours late, Catherine had kept herself busy by picking up dry cleaning, taking care of the groceries, tidying the house, and checking Lindsey's homework... anything that helped her keep her mind else where from Sara and all that they had talked about earlier. She still had troubles with understanding what had happened earlier that day. First Sara was acting cold and mean, like she was mad at her, revealing that all this time she had remembered the short conversation they had in the bar. Then a few hours later the younger woman is telling her that actually she likes her, and apparently has been having feelings for her for a while already.

She unbuttoned her blouse and went to the bedroom's closets to get a fresh shirt. She had a hard time figuring out what to wear. _Get real, it's not a date!_ She picked one of her red shirts from the hanger and pulled it on in front of a mirror. _Yeah, this will do it. Looks good, but is nothing too special._

She still wasn't sure what they were going to talk about. Even if it was now open that they both had feelings for each other the situation was still way more complicated than that. It wasn't that obvious that it would lead into a relationship or anything. It was hardly a week ago Catherine had been holding a totally broken Sara in her arms and trying to tell her that it would all get better. Then at the same time it all felt so far away, because everything else in Sara's appearance and behaviour was assuring that she was feeling at least fine. She had changed, but not in a way that would make her cautious around her.

Catherine had a partly open view at the street from her bedroom window, and it got her attention when she saw a cab stopping right in front of her house. She watched Sara climb out of the backseat and push the door close. The brunette stopped to dig something from her pocket and put it into her mouth. Catherine frowned as she watched Sara walk out of her view. _Wha--...? Three hours late, a cab, gangly walking, a mint to cover her breath... Is she drunk??!_ Catherine shook herself out of her thoughts and made her way back downstairs just before the doorbell rang. She went to open the door and immediately looked at Sara from head to toe. _A little tired looking eyes, steady standing, smells like cigarettes..._

"Hi."

_...talks clearly... she's sober_. The mint was just to cover the smell of cigarettes.

"Hi, come in..." Catherine said with a smile. Sara walked pass her, glancing over the strange behaving Catherine. Catherine closed the door and followed Sara to the living room. "Can I get you anything?"

Sara shook her head. "No thanks, I'm good."

The silence made the situation awkward. They shared a look and made a silent agreement that the small talk was over. Catherine sighed heavily and went to sit on the couch waiting for Sara to follow her. After she had sat down Sara opened her mouth to say something but Catherine cut her off with a raised hand.

"Can I talk first, please?"

Sara shrugged, "Sure, why not..."

"Okay, um..." Catherine felt her heart beat rising. "I'm only gonna get my self hurt now, but I want to be totally honest with you. I don't know how to say this, so I'm just gonna say it... I really like you Sara. More than just a friend, but you already know that. But the thing is that, this friendship means more and I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize it..." Catherine was cut short by Sara raising her hand up for her turn. She didn't say anything, just held her hand up until Catherine stopped talking. Sara leaned her back against the arm rest and let her hand drop back down. Catherine nervously rubbed her hands together. She hoped that Sara would look at her directly and give even some kind of a hint of what was going on inside the younger woman's head. Sara was obviously struggling to find the right words, but because her face was like rock even a psychic couldn't have been able to tell how she was feeling at the moment. The silence started to be too pressing and Catherine was about to open her mouth again when Sara finally spoke.

"There's nothing you could do to jeopardize our friendship..." Sara said slowly. Catherine relaxed a little, but the expression on Sara's face still kept her cautious. "I don't think that..." Sara stopped and bit her lower lip while considering very carefully her next words. "I don't think that saying aloud what we both know is going to do any harm. You know, since we both feel pretty much the same..." Sara said carefully and glanced over at Catherine.

Catherine had to clear her throat before she got her voice out, "We do?"

Sara made herself more comfortable on the couch and now looked directly at Catherine. "I know how I feel, and you just told me how you feel." Sara stated.

_God how can she be so cool??_ Catherine thought when she watched Sara's face turn calm again. She hoped it didn't mean behaviour like at the lab's break room earlier. But Sara's voice was soft and casual and there was no hostility in her eyes.

"I uh, I gotta tell you, I had no idea you had a crush on me..." Catherine admitted with a light chuckle.

Sara rolled her eyes, "Of course I had a crush on you. Everyone in the freaking lab has a crush on you! Haven't you seen yourself??" Sara stated sarcastically and made Catherine look down. She couldn't help but to blush a little. _Oh c'mon! You're a teenager now?! Where's your confidence...?_

"Well, in my defence I thought you hated me." Catherine said which only made Sara roll her eyes again with a light chuckle.

"Oh please, it's you who makes everyone including me believe that you hate my guts! We're butting heads all the time and you've made it very clear that I'm the top one on the list of things that pisses you off."

Catherine coughed and tried to look as shocked and offended as possible. "Oh, so you're saying that it's my fault that we're fighting all the time? Because I don't like you?"

"Uh-huh..."

"Yeah right..." Catherine laughed dryly. "I'm the immature, stubborn, 'I'll do what ever I want' -one here with huge attitude problems..."

"So you're admitting that I piss you off?"

"You do piss me off! Half of the time I'd just like to rip your head off! But as much as I hate you, it's only half as much of how truly I care about you. How much I admire you and how much attitude you have, even if it was exactly the thing that was driving me crazy just a couple of hours ago." Catherine's voice turned soft and gentle. She sifted herself closer to Sara. "No matter how mad I'd be during the shift by the time I'm home and in my own bed I can't help thinking what it'd be like if we knew each other better, or what it'd be like to be close with you... hug you... kiss you... wake up next to you. Killing you loving you, you're still the only person I can't stop thinking about 24/7."

Sara was a bit out of words. Yeah she had known Catherine liked her, but it was so different to hear it all from Catherine's mouth. It made it all real. She was staring at the hands in her lap while analysing the words inside her fuzzy feeling head. Catherine slowly reached Sara's hand and sneaked her fingers between Sara's.

"Please, say something..." Catherine pleaded. Sara swallowed hard as she watched their interlaced fingers.

"What do you want me to say?" She half whispered with a rough voice.

"Anything. Tell me what you're thinking..." _Don't let me hang here guessing what's going on inside your head. _

Sara took a firmer grip of Catherine's hand and after a while broke the silence with a light chuckle. She turned her eyes on Catherine. "I'm thinking if now's the time to ask you on a date or something..."

Catherine broke into laughter and took a hold of Sara's other hand as well. She was happy that the mood had become more relaxed.

"If you decide to do that, I at least wouldn't reject the invitation..."

Sara smiled back at her but her smile soon faded. "Yeah, about that, you know..." Sara started and looked down for a second. Catherine ran her thumbs over Sara's and prepared to hear what she most likely had anticipated to hear.

"...listen, Catherine... It's not that I wouldn't like to do this, you have no idea how long I've been dreaming this specific moment, but it's just that, I'm not sure how ready I'm to do all of this 'dating' stuff..." Sara explained.

"It's okay. We don't need to go through the stupid regular dating stuff. Let's just, I don't know... spend time together and see what happens."

"Yeah, about that too..." Sara said with an anxious look on her face. It was all starting to feel more like negotiating with a car dealer than starting things up. She decided to push aside the fact that it was all like being back in fifth grade where you first talked about being together before starting to hold hands on a break. She didn't have chance to finish her sentence before Catherine cut her off by coming closer and squeezing her hands more tightly.

"Sara, we can take this as slow as you want. If you only want to do this..."

"I do. I really do."

"Then it doesn't matter! Only thing that matters is you and me. Us. It doesn't matter if takes another five years to get to kiss you again, if I only know that you want this as much as I do!" Catherine assured her with an almost desperate voice. She had the chance to get the love of her life, right in front of her, but she was also on the brink of losing it forever.

Sara slowly started smiling and raised her head a little without letting her eyes leave the hands she was holding. "Well, you don't need to wait for the next five years to get to kiss me again..." Sara said with a mischievous voice and lifted her eyes to Catherine. Catherine started smiling. "Just, you know, five seconds so I can finish this sentence..."

Catherine started laughing and leaned over, wrapping her arms around Sara's shoulders. They pressed foreheads together and Sara placed her hands loosely on Catherine's hips.

"Are you sure?" Catherine had to ask, still half laughing. Sara only dipped her jaw forward to press her lips shortly against Catherine's to assure her that she was absolutely sure. Catherine gasped as she gently pulled Sara closer and captured her lips for a much deeper kiss._ I can't believe this is happening..._ To her delight she felt Sara starting to respond to the kiss. Catherine gently sucked her lower lip into her mouth and ran her tongue across it. She was fighting to keep her motions as tender as possible, trying not to do anything that would frighten Sara. She had a hard time sensing if Sara was feeling uncomfortable or anxious when her own head was totally buzzed. Sara broke the kiss, but at the same time placed her hands more firmly on Catherine's hips and leaned her forehead against Catherine's again as she was gasping for air. Her heart rate was in dangerously high limits and her whole body was slightly shaking from being nervous. Good way nervous. She still wasn't sure if it was all truly happening.

"I hope that means good..." Catherine breathed into Sara's mouth. Sara nodded with a huge grin on her face.

"Trust me. Nothing but good."

* * *

Sara was lying on Greg's bed and staring at the ceiling plates. Greg was by her on his side, deep in sleep. It was almost six o'clock; Greg was totally beat after pulling major overtime and then picking her up from Catherine's house. He had assured her that he wasn't that tired and totally willing to pick her from the other side of the city... and was now snoozing on the unopened bed with his shoes and clothes on.

Sara instead had too much on her mind to be able to catch up on her sleep debt. Especially when all of her plans of how she'd handle the situation hadn't been anything like how things had ended up. Twelve hours ago she had still strongly believed that nothing would happen; she wasn't ready and she didn't want to drag Catherine into some messed up "relationship" which had no future and would only cost them pain and the friendship they had managed to build.

Then something that had happened earlier in that morning had left her reconsidering. Another headache after work and she had had enough. She had made an appointment to a doctor, and sent Catherine a text message to cancel their breakfast with a promise of dropping by later.

_"Miss Sidle, I believe that your fall may have caused you a more serious injury than what was earlier believed. Possibly permanent. Apparently the concussion you had was pretty bad and headaches and migraines are usually followed by that, but they also usually fade after a few days or a week. Now it has been over two months and speaking the truth, I'm concerned. It's nothing to freak out about, but I'd still like to examine you and take you to a hospital for a day or two to find out the reason for your symptoms."_

_"You don't think this could be just something else? I mean are you sure that this all has to do with the concussion?"_

_  
"In this case, yes I'm sure. Other options are very unlikely. Especially when you had no other symptoms before you hit your head. But I can't say anything for sure until we get to examine you" _

_"So you're saying that I might never get rid of these headaches?"_

_"I wouldn't say never. But again, I can't exclude the possibility of permanent damage unless you let me get into this..."_

Permanent injury? No way was she going to put herself through tons of exams to get to hear that the bastard had managed to get himself another way to remind her of him for the rest of her life. He had already ruined her life enough.

_"No thanks. I'd rather just wait to see my life get back to normal again..."_

_"Miss Sidle...! Please sit down... let's talk more. I'm asking you not to leave yet. Thank you. Look, I get that you're refusing all the physical exams, but let's try to figure out another solution to this situation, shall we?"_

_"Okay, let's put aside the things I just said and think what else might help. I understood that your job is pretty stressful, is that right? You're working long days and you don't get a lot of sleep? Maybe if you could lay back a little. Take more time off, so you get more rest. If you ease your schedule for a couple of weeks it might help... And from your facial expression I can tell that for you that isn't an option. Okay, then I'll just write you a new prescription for your migraine medication. This should last for a month if the situation stays the same."_

_"Thank you."_

_"But if nothings has changed till then... we'll make you a new appointment and find you a permanent medication to stop these symptoms."_

By the time she walked out of the private practice she was too tired to take the risks with driving. Catherine must have seen the cab because for the first five seconds after opening the door, she had been looking like she was doing an evaluation of her. _Or she was just making last decisions and if she worth the risk. _

All the time Catherine had been talking, Sara couldn't stop thinking about the things the doctor had said. A permanent injury? That was the last drop. She wasn't going to let some low son of a bitch destroy her life more than he already had. Not wanting to hear that the hammering of her skull against the floor had caused her such head trauma wasn't living in denial; it was simply self-protection. She knew the truth. She just didn't want to hear another word of the ra--... well, anything of what that man had done to her. She didn't want another reminder. She just wanted to get over it all and live her life like she normally would. Which meant that if the person she was madly in love with was responding to her feelings and asking her to love her back; she would without a doubt go for it!

She was still scared of it all; twice as much as usual when it came to relationships. She still couldn't help being a little tense when Catherine had first came closer and kissed her, even if it had felt amazing. She hoped that Catherine hadn't notice anything. But she was going to get over it. She had decided to get over it. She hated to be weak. She hated to be so frightened and pathetic. She would just go on with her life and do things she would normally... no... _not 'normally' and 'now' stuff anymore. This is all just life. You'll get over yourself and your ridiculous fears. You're pulling yourself back together, Sara Sidle!! _

"Sara, what's wrong?" Greg's sleepy voice asked. Sara startled and looked down to her side. She hadn't heard Greg turning over or waking up. Well, he was hardly half awake but still. She felt Greg cover her fisted hand and was startled when she realised that her nails were digging into her skin.

"Huh?" Sara asked and relaxed her hand. "Nothing. Go back to sleep." Sara assured, slightly embarrassed.

"No seriously, what's wrong?" Greg mumbled with his eyes closed and stroked her hand with his thumb.

"Nothing Greg. I'm fine. Now seriously, go back to sleep…" Sara pleaded and patted the back of Greg's hand. "I'm sorry that I woke you."

"You didn't wake me. I woke up by my self…" Greg said. _Yeah right…_ Sara thought. "Is it something that happened at Catherine's?" Greg asked, still unable to keep his eyes open.

"Greg please… let's talk about it later." Sara whispered tiredly and turned her eyes to her younger friend. Greg had his right arm under his tousled head and he had trouble staying awake. Sara hoped that he would just fall back to sleep.

"Take a nap with me…" Greg asked his voice just above a whisper. Sara hesitated a while, but eventually lowered her head onto the pillow and turned on her side so that she was facing Greg. "Thank you." Greg whispered before finally falling back asleep again.

_Get. Your. Self. Together. Make everyone's life easier…_ Sara told herself before closing her eyes.


	15. Chapter 15

Greg used his knee to push open a heavy wooden door, and stepped inside.

"Is there anything left in the truck?" Catherine asked and tugged her sleeves up.

Greg shook his head and placed the huge cardboard box he had been carrying on the floor. "Sara's parking the car right now." Greg tossed his jacket away and sat cross-legged on the floor.

Catherine took a look around and raised an eyebrow. _She sure didn't take much..._ There were four cardboard boxes, containing mostly books and clothes. _A lap top, tv, dvd, stereo and the blue couch. _

"She must have left at least twice as much behind than she took with her..." Catherine said half aloud.

Greg stopped his actions for a second and took a glance over his shoulder, annoyed. "Who cares... it's just stuff..." He mumbled and he kept plugging the wires of the stereos. It didn't take a half of second from him to regret his words. "For her this is all like a fresh start y'know..." He added more friendly.

Greg didn't care if Sara hadn't taken every single thing she owned with her. Actually he was happy that Sara had decided to keep as much as she had, instead of throwing it all away.

Less than a month ago Greg had entered Sara's apartment and found an upset brunette, with bleeding knuckles, throwing things she had decided to get rid of into cardboard boxes. Things she _never wanted to see again_. If everything that had been convicted to be destroyed would have been burned in a pile at some old abandoned backyard, she would have now lost pretty much everything that had any meaning to her. It had taken almost an hour to calm her down and convince that she didn't need to do that right that moment. Oh, and cut knuckles; a broken bathroom mirror was a pretty good bet on where it all had started...

It was the last night Sara had spent alone in that apartment. Greg didn't ever want things like that happen again.

"So, what happens to the rest of her property?" Catherine asked while picking a book from an open box.

"We came up with a plan to give them into charity. Red Cross and couple local shelters are about to go crazy during this weekend," Greg said, and got off the floor visit the bathroom.

"That's very thoughtful..." Catherine mumbled and turned a page of some forensic scrapbook. She was lost into the self made piece of literature deep enough to miss Sara's entering. Sara placed the car keys on an island and walk quietly behind Catherine.

Catherine felt a warm body press softly against her back and familiar arms wrap around her middle. Smiling she put the book down and covered Sara's forearms with her own.

"So, what do you think?" Sara asked and leaned her own head slightly against Catherine's shoulder. Catherine let her eyes wander around the small apartment. It wasn't even half of the size where Sara had last lived in. Windows were small, no separate bedroom, floors were old and worn out... She took a look at Sara and saw the transfixed look in her eyes as she was looking her new home. "I think it's perfect..." Sara whispered, thinking her thoughts aloud.

Catherine smiled. "Then, I think it's perfect too."

She turned around in Sara's arms and wrapped her arms loosely around Sara's neck, searching for an eye contact. "Are you sure about this?" She asked without even trying to hide her concern. Yes, Sara was a grown up, and yes, she had lived all alone, all by herself for nearly her whole life, but still the idea of Sara spending her nights alone in this strange looking hole made Catherine uncomfortable. "You know, I could stay over for a few nights. Or you could come stay at my house if you like...?" _Hell, I want you to move in that house!_

Sara let ignorance do all the answering and pulled Catherine a little closer, leaning down to brush their noses together before pressing her lips on hers. The kiss lasted only for seconds, but it was enough to make Catherine's knees weak. She swore to God she had never hated cell phones as much as she hated right now, when it started ringing inside her jacket pocket.

"I guess my shift starts early..." Catherine said disappointed as she rested her forehead against Sara's. The special ring tone told her it was Grissom. Something Lindsey had once done, just to know the disappointment of her mother's work duties in advance. Catherine didn't make an effort to move.

She reached her hand up and brushed lightly the hair on Catherine's temple. "Greg and I had a plan to spent the evening here. Nothing special, just old CD's and a cheep bottle of wine... maybe watching a movie. Interested of join us?" Sara asked.

"I'd love to," Catherine smiled and tugged Sara's head down for another kiss, before she grabbed her jacket and pulled it on. "See you in 8 to 10 hours then," She smiled before digging the still ringing phone from her pocket and walked out of the apartment.

"So..." Familiar voice made Sara turn around. "I guess you invited your girlfriend too?" Greg smirked teasingly. Making Sara blush deep.

"Shut up!" Sara laughed and threw a pillow at him.

* * *

Catherine grabbed her flash light and processing kit from the backseat and started walking towards the small crowd of people.

"Another wasted ability?" She asked sarcastically as she nodded her greeting to Brass. Jim nodded back. "Fill me in." She told and crossed the police tape. Using now rush, she walked to the victim, pointing her flash light at the body as she knelt next to it.

"White male, 25 to 30, shot twice to stomach. No ID, no wallet. No eye witnesses. The 911 call was nameless." Brass listed and took a look at the people at the end of the alley.

"He's been here at least 10 to 12 hours. Clothes are still moist from the rain. Last night's rainstorm... it has wash away pretty much all the evidence," Catherine said while studying the body.

"You should still take a decent look around, though. Just in case," Brass said while making his notes. "In this area people aren't the smarted ones in the crowd. Once, an idiot killed his mate and then dropped the murder weapon and his bloody clothes in a dumpster in the same block."

"Vic has a drug pipe in his pocket... infections in his mouth... we should start checking the dealers. Maybe we get really lucky," Catherine said as she rose back on her feet and told one of the officers to call the corner while she started taking a look at the premiter. _This is a rookie case... _She thought bitterly as she walked down the alley to the dumpsters and started checking them in hope of any kind of evidence that could get her back to the 'real' cases instead getting her stuck on an investigation of a junky.

* * *

"Ready to roll?" Catherine asked from the door way.

"Yep," Sara grabbed her bag from the floor and got from her seat. "I just need to sign out..."

Even though Sara now had a new apartment, she was hardly ever there. And when she was, she had Catherine in her company. It wasn't like earlier, when she _couldn't _be alone in her apartment. This time she just wanted to spend all the time possible with the woman she was so crazy about. The woman she liked more than life itself.

They drove back to Catherine's house. The lights were on, which meant that Lindsey was already awake.

"Did you tell her I was coming over?" Sara asked after Catherine had turned down the engine.

"Yeah... I think I mentioned something..." Catherine said circling, trying to avoid Sara's eyes while she said it. She glanced at Sara and saw the look on her face. "It doesn't matter anyway. She's not gonna be home most of the time. Plus she likes you."

Sara smiled and leaned over to kiss Catherine. She placed her hand on her cheek and sank it in her soft hair. It was the last change to do it before Lindsey would be in school.

"You're wonderful," Catherine smiled after they separated.

"No. You are." Sara grinned before she hopped out of the SUV and followed Catherine inside.

"Honey? Linds?" Catherine called out. As they went further they met very tousled and tired looking Lindsey sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee in her hand. "There you are. G'morning baby," Catherine wished and went to kiss her even Lindsey did her best turning her head away.

"Hi Lindsey," Sara said and made the girl lift an eye-brow. She turned her eyes to her mother.

"Sara's coming over." Catherine said as she sat down and took the morning paper that was lying on a coffee table. Lindsey glanced shocked at her mother and then Sara. Sara looked down apologizing, and Lindsey stormed back upstairs with an annoyed pfef. Sara was about to say like that the whole thing was a bad idea and she'd better leave but Catherine took a grip of her hand and pulled her down beside her.

"She'll be okay before you know it."


	16. Chapter 16

"Hey beautiful..." Catherine whispered from behind and pressed a kiss on Sara's exposed neck. Sara tilted her head back and lowered the cross word puzzle in her lap. "How are you?"

"Bored!" Sara groaned. Catherine came to sit next to her and started playing with the dark hair that had got loose from a bundle. "Come jog with me...?" Sara asked and turned her hopeful eyes on Catherine's. She had wanted to go for a run for a long time, but didn't want to go alone.

It was kind of hard thing to admit, even for yourself.

Catherine didn't look so enthusiastic. "I'm tired... Ask Lindsey."

Sara looked her dubious. "A 14 year old...?"

"Dedicated dancer… tar lunged smoker..." Catherine equalised, demonstrating her point with her hands. Sara sighed annoyed and threw the cross word puzzle on the coffee table.

"Yes, yes. I know. Save the sermon..." Sara mumbled and rose up. "But I can assure, that during the next 45 minutes we're gonna talk an awful lot of crap about you," Sara promised.

"Oh, like it would be the first time!" Catherine laughed and grabbed the cross word puzzle Sara had abandoned. She watched Sara disappear upstairs. She wondered how long to wait before asking Sara to bring the rest of her luggage in and stay there happily ever after.

But rushing things was the thing she didn't want to do. So far their relationship had been everything else that she had been used to. It was mostly about friendship and taking things slow. She didn't want to put too much pressure on Sara and they were mostly taking things in Sara's pace. It was totally new for Catherine. But she had nothing to complain about. The way their relationship was going step by step, only made her love Sara more on each day she woke up next to her.

* * *

_"It's ten past eight, and you're listening Josh Bradley on-"_ Sara hit the radio off and swiped the kitchen table and moved the last dishes from the table into a sink. The sleepover had become 5 days, but no one in the Willows residence seemed to mind. Lindsey made sure that Sara got her part of her mood wings, but not once she had complained about her being there. Catherine practically forbid her to leave. And Sara couldn't possibly think a better place to be. She felt like a guest in there but both Catherine and Lindsey had started acting like she belonged there.

Everything was going great for change. She felt happy. She loved falling asleep with the woman of her dreams in her arms, and wake up in the morning to the feeling of Catherine kissing her neck. She loved spending time with Lindsey. The kid had become her new friend. It may sound weird to have a friend young enough to be your child, but it really wasn't. The thing that Sara had noticed about Lindsey was that sometimes the girl could be unbelievable mature for her age. She sometimes wondered if Catherine even knew how smart her daughter was. Behind all the rebellion and defiance there was this intelligent teenager who you could have deep and meaningful conversations with.

The nightmares were fading and a little headache once and a while wasn't even an issue anymore.

Sara finished with the kitchen and spurted upstairs. She was just passing the bathroom door when she heard a breathless voice calling out her name. Sara stepped closer and leaned her shoulder slightly against the door to hear more clearly. Catherine's whimpering, groaning, moaning her name out that reached over the noise of running water left no guessing what she was doing in there. Sara bit her lower lip to stop the wild grin that spread across her slightly blushed face. Her mind started to fill with pictures of naked Catherine in the shower, touching herself. _God she sounds so damn sexy..._

Sara hardly heard the rapidly converging steps before Lindsey was already behind her. "Hey! Guys, I need a -"

"Yeah!" Sara quickly turned around to meet Lindsey and prevent her coming any further. She didn't want the girl hear what she just had. Lindsey was slightly confused when Sara, who for some reason was unable to wipe that grin off her face, grabbed her shoulders, spin her around and started guiding her back in the hall way.

"What's so funny?" Lindsey frowned and tilted her head back to see Sara's face.

"Nothing," Sara chuckled. "What's up?"

Lindsey stopped walking and turned to face Sara excited. "I need a ride. Jenny's dad got them a new puppy and I need to see it!"

"Don't you have school?"

"Not before eleven. There's a teachers meeting in the morning and we will only be watching some stupid videos. C'mon! It's this cutest little Ratonero Bodeguero Andaluz that I have to see! Like right now!!"

"Cutest little what...?" Sara started laughing. Lindsey, instead, saw nothing amusing in the situation. For her it was dead serious.

"AaARGH!! MOM!" Lindsey stormed past Sara towards Catherine's bedroom.

"Okay! Okay!" Sara quickly grabbed Lindsey from her shirt and pulled the girl back. "I'm sorry I mocked you. Actually you know what... I'll drop you there..."

"Yes! Thanks Sara!" Lindsey hopped in the air and ran back to her room. "Hurry!" She rushed Sara looked like she was about to explode if they wasted another minute on some useless lingering.

"Ok, I'm coming, take it easy..." Sara laughed and went to get the car keys.

* * *

_It's nine o'clock, where the hell are they?!_ Catherine started to get impatience and was about to grab the phone and try call Sara when she heard the front door slam shut. She waited Sara to come in sight before shooting her accusing eyes on her.

"Sara! Where the hell have you been? Where's Lind-..." She stopped talking when Sara took the coffee mug out of her hand, placed it on the table and turned to sink her stare deep into her eyes. Catherine felt Sara push her gently from her waist and soon she was pinned against a wall. She was nearly shocked of the sudden change of Sara's behaviour, but the feeling of Sara's body pressing so intimately against hers and the look in Sara's eyes raced the heat ad made her heart beat faster. Sara smiled mischievously as her hands started sliding from Catherine's waist to her back side. Catherine gasped air and closed her eyes when Sara leaned forward to capture the blonde's mouth into a demanding kiss. Sara's hands were roaming on Catherine's body and couldn't help moaning when a thigh slipped between her legs. Before she even got change to realise what was happening Sara had already stepped back. When she opened her eyes her hand was on Sara's and she was being bulled to her bedroom.

Sara pushed Catherine down on the bed and straddled on her waist, lowering herself down for a deep kiss as her hand were finding their way under Catherine's shirt. Catherine felt Sara's hands on her breasts and thumbs brushing over hardened nipples. She moaned into Sara's mouth. Catherine tried to touch Sara but she stopped her movements and pinned her arms to her sides on the mattress.

"Don't do anything... just relax.." Sara whispered and gently nipped her right ear. Catherine closed her eyes and forgot her arguments at the second Sara started kissing her neck. Slender hands run cross her stomach, caressing the soft skin before sliding back up to cover her left breast. Sara pushed the shirt up and started to kiss her way down.

Catherine was still confused of what was going o, but she certainly didn't complain either. Sara was being gentle and giving her all her attention, but she felt distant. She seemed like she was accomplishing a task and was afraid to loose her focus. Like she scared that if she took a little slower pace she would stop. But all the thoughts flashing inside Catherine's head were erased by the minute Sara closed her mouth around a rock hard nipple and sucked it while her other hand was massaging the other. Catherine gasped and reached behind her head to grab an edge of the pillow.

"God, Sara..."

Sara placed kisses on Catherine's stomach, feeling the muscles writhe under her touch. With shaking hands she opened the zipper of Catherine's pants. Catherine's hips rose voluntarily when Sara pulled them off and discarded on the floor. Her heart was beating crazy. The smell of Catherine's arousal was intoxicating. Catherine's breathing had turned heavier and she was moving restlessly on the bed while Sara kissed the skin above her panties and slowly removed the item. She settled between Catherine's legs and wrapped her arms around Catherine's thighs. She first kissed and her inner thighs, moving slowly towards the blonde's sex. Catherine closed her eyes and bit her lip to prevent herself screaming when Sara's tongue started licking through her opening. Sara wasn't about to take it any more slower, so she started licking and sucking her clit, while two of her fingers entered inside the heated blonde. Sara hardly heard how loud Catherine's moans had turned. She was totally concentrated on getting the woman over the edge and keeping her writhing body still with one hand. She bumped her fingers faster, seeking for the right spot. Once it was found, it didn't took long before Catherine was arching her back and screamed as the mind blowing climax hit through her body. Sara lifted her head and looked up at Catherine's jerking body. She could swear it was the best thing she had ever seen in her life. She lowered her head to lick the last drops, before reluctantly crawling back up, placing sweet kisses on Catherine's perfect body on her way up. She leaned down to press her lips on Catherine's. They were both equally out of breath.

"God... baby, that was..." Catherine panted and pulled Sara back down to kiss her again, tasting herself on Sara's tongue. Her hands started eagerly roam on Sara's body, moving up on Sara's sides under her t-shirt.

"Don't!" Sara's harsh voice told and stopped the hand by grapping Catherine's wrist. Regardless her disappointment, Catherine kept her hands in control, and wrapped them behind Sara's back. She wanted to touch her so bad, but she wasn't going to start arguing or push Sara, if she didn't want to be touched. Sara covered her with a blanket before settling next to her and wrapping her arms and legs around the blonde who was trying to get her breathing back to normal.

Catherine closed her eyes enjoyed the warmth of Sara's body. Next time she opened her eyes she saw that Sara had fallen asleep, or at least wasn't completely awake. She pulled back from the embrace enough to see Sara and the peaceful look on her face. Carefully she stroked the hair off her face and pressed a kiss on her forehead. _No matter if you ever let me touch you, I'll always love you anyway. _

Catherine was collecting pictures of the crime scene back to an evidence box. The case of a dead crack head was going to be solved via street work, not in the lab. So for now on, it was going to be Brass's headache to catch the killer. And also, Catherine wanted to get back in the high profile cases and cases with challenge, in her opinion these kind of cases didn't belong to her.

"Hey Cath-"

"Yes?" Catherine turned around and saw Hodges standing behind her.

"I got your victim's DNA results... there was no identification, but your vic is a match to an other crime."

Catherine looked surprised. Hodges handed over the results and Catherine moved her glasses from the top of her head back on her nose. "The case file has unnamed victim, but your victims DNA matches the assaulters DNA in..." Catherine barely heard what the Hodges was saying when she saw the case number. It was burned so deep into her brains she didn't need to look twice to recognise it.

"Thanks," Catherine said and was already on her way to the hallway.

* * *

_It can't be. It's not... Oh Jesus, it fucking is!!_ Catherine didn't know what to think. About two and half million thoughts and emotions were messing her head. She walked through the halls and hardly knowing where she was even going until she was in her own office searching the case information from her computer. It was the same. Word by word. She was feeling cold. Slowly she grabbed the phone and dialled. _Just answer, please... be so fucking kind!_

"Sofia? I need to talk to you... now. In my office, if possible. Or as soon as possible-... okay, thanks." She hanged up the phone and leaned against the back of the chair, trying to get her thoughts straight.

Less than five minutes later there was a knock on a door and Sofia walked in, always so confident. Catherine waited her to walk all in and close the door behind her before she removed the hand from her mouth and looked up.

Sofia waited. "What's up, Catherine...?" She asked faking cheerful when the woman behind her desk just stared at her with a strange look on her face. Catherine took a paper and threw it in front of her so that Sofia could see it.

"This is a DNA result I asked for a case. It appears, that the victim is a match to a suspect we...you had in another case..." Catherine started speaking slowly, gauging Sofia's reaction.

Sofia took the paper and studied it without realising anything it or what Catherine said. "What's the case?"

"It's a force-entry, assault and a rape. Unnamed female. Happened months ago. The victim was found by a friend/colleague..." Catherine just talked. Dropping facts piece by piece. She watched how Sofia started lowering the paper and lifted her look. "I received the rape kit and interviewed the victim at Desert Palms hospital. It later became your case."

Sofia swallowed. "You caught the man who assaulted Sara."

Silently Catherine laid pictures and other evidence on a large table. Sofia was standing across her. Neither of them felt like talking. Catherine glanced over the photos and felt sick. Pictures of Sara's bruised wrists. Pictures of the Sara's scratched back. Pictures of her Sara's bitten shoulder. Pictures of her lover's bruised thighs...

In the morning this woman had become her lover. Now she had the pictures of her shattered body in front of her face, and she couldn't watch away, no matter how much she wanted. She wanted to throw them into thrash and burn all into ash so that no one could ever see them again. No one had right to see Sara's naked, violated body. _No one had right to do those kind of marks on her beautiful body. _

"Catherine?" Sofia's unsure voice distracted her thoughts. "I can finish this case if you like. She's not so close to me as she is to you guys..."

"No. This case got its suspect from my investigation so it's me who's going to close this!" Sofia didn't start to argue. "Ok, we need to ID the suspect." Catherine said with her voice back professional. Except she wasn't never going to use a word 'victim' again, for now on he would always be 'suspect', later 'convicted'.

"Okay the DNA and fingerprints match... what about teeth impression?" Sofia put her brain on action.

"At least it would confirm he sure is the doer." _Though the DNA already confirmed it. _Catherine felt cold spikes run down her back. While talking of this case her mind created non-real pictures of Sara being attacked and raped. She tried not to think of it, because it was the last thing she wanted to visualize and it made her close to puke. When she finally got her brain to obey not to do that, the next pictures she could see alive and feel like living again. Memories from the hospital. Sara was laying broken on a gurney and she was standing behind her not knowing how to fix back together her heart, that had broke into pieces by the minute she saw the brunette.

She swallowed and took out a transparency sheet, placing it on an enlarged picture of the bite marks on Sara's skin. Ironicly it was also a moment when she realised that Sara had freckles in her shoulders. It was something she would have wanted to learn in other way... Silently she drew out the teeth marks with a marker pen while Sofia went through the other evidence.

"Since the suspect is dead... We need a perfect conviction to close this. It means a report that leaves no blanks at all." Sofia said more to herself. "Every hair needs to match either Sara or the asshole who did this."

Catherine lifted an eye brow, but didn't make a mark of what Sofia had just said. Like said, the young detective only seemed to think her thoughts aloud, so why use official language.

"I'll take another look on the evidence, to make sure the other forensics didn't miss anything, and get that teeth impression." Catherine said and started to work. She didn't seem to care for an answer so Sofia nodded and took a step back from the table.

"Keep me posted. Call if anything comes up, I'm available 24/7." Sofia said. Catherine nodded without lifting her look. There wasn't exactly much to be done with the evidence. Beside the case report there was only a shoe print from the crime scene and Sara's clothes that had been kept because of the DNA. She went through the ripped clothes and accepted that there wasn't anything new. _The teeth imression and DNA will convict the man. You know it. _A voice inside Catherine's head tried to make sense. She sighed heavily and covered her face with her hands. It was relief that things were starting to solve out, but it also ripped open all the old wounds. It hurt.

Catherine took the case box into her office before heading at the morgue. Her cell vibrated and she grabbed it from her waist.

"419/suspect on 426, ID Michael Walter.

Leading detective changed. Curtis"

_Michael Walt__er. _Catherine repeated the name in her head. So the man who assaulted Sara was Michael Walter...Feel of sickness filled her stomach again. _How the hell I'm gonna make through investigating this mess?!_

Drawing her into space where she couldn't feel nothing Catherine entered the coroner's office and silently nodded her hello to Dr. Robbins.

"I need to see the body of my 419 again."

Robbins grabbed his crutch and walked over the mortuary cabinets. "New evidence?" He asked as he opened the closet and pulled out a stored body.

Catherine quietly cleared her scratchy dry throat. "I need a teeth impression." She couldn't watch straight at the corpse.

Dr. Robbins seemed confused. "Catherine, I already did a teeth impression. He wasn't in any database."

"I know! I need it anyway. And also, Curtis got the ID. He's name is Michael Walter," She now looked at the body. Cool pale skin and sewing marks on his chest.

Robbins didn't like the rudeness in Catherine's voice, but kept his cool. "Look, I will get you the impression, and sent it to you right after I've finished processing this other body," He pushed the body back into its cabinet. Catherine snapped out of her trance.

"What? It will only take a minute you to get that from where ever you stored it!" Catherine was starting lose her cool.

Robbins went back to his current task. "This is my morgue. You don't come here with that attitude. The impression can wait and so will you. I'll get it to you when it's done!"

Catherine sighed and was starting to regret her behaviour. "Al..."

"Goodbye, Catherine."

Frustrated Catherine walked out of the room, making sure the door made a notable sound as it closed behind her.


	17. Chapter 17

Sara walked out of the corridor and scooped through halls towards Catherine's office. The door was ajar so she just walked straight in. There was a white box on her table with a case file on top of it. In curiosity she tilted her head to see what kind of case Catherine was working on. 'Force Entry, Sexual As- ' ... Her pager went off. It was Dr. Robbins informing that the autopsy of her victim was done.

Without wasting anymore time she walked back at the basement floor. The coolness gave her goose bumps as she entered the autopsy room. Doctor Robbins was no where in seen, but her 419 was lying on the table at the end of the room. There was also another body in present. Ready on wheels to be transported somewhere. She glanced over it. It looked familiar. He had short black hair and pale blue unshaved face with a broken lip. She walked beside it and saw nothing but the guy lying dead on a smooth steel cart. Part of her wanted to turn and run away, but something in her head kept her legs nailed on the floor, preventing her to leave. She just stood there, thinking nothing. Feeling nothing. Everything inside had stopped and now she was just looking at the man who she had so painful history with.

He had scrawny face with a strong jaw. Spread chest made him look really strong even his arms didn't look that muscular. Sara's eyes wandered over his cloth covered body, finding the toe tag in his feet. She started shaking. She stared at it, her brain fighting with her body over weather look at it. Her body was starting to work again and the messed up feeling in her head went through her body into her stomach. She stepped back and turned around to throw up into a sink behind her.

* * *

"Did you get the impression?" Curtis asked as she ran into Catherine in a hall. Catherine sighed and had a depressing smile on her face. After being thrown out from the morgue she had had time to cool down a little and get her head straight.

"Not yet. I pissed off Robbins."

Sofia didn't ask. She told her that she had another crime scene to go. "After Doc gives what you need, let me know. I'll go see a judge and put this to rest," Sofia said and walked past Catherine disappearing behind a corner. A word 'thanks' was calling out in Catherine's head, but never came into air.

Her thoughts were irrupted when a message from Dr. Al Robbins got to her beeper, telling that she could pick up her evidence. Catherine got up from her seat and returned downstairs. Robbins met her in the hallway. He was talking into his cell phone, but said in between that if she would hold on a second he would get it to her from his office. Catherine nodded. "Oh, and if Sara gets here, tell her I'll meet her at the autopsy as soon as I get this call finished..." He added and didn't saw how Catherine startled. She immediately turned on her heels and walked behind the door of the autopsy room. Her heart stopped.

Through the window she saw Sara's standing beside the body of Michael Walter. She had her back to her, so she couldn't see her face and therefore, what was possibly going on inside her head. She couldn't even imagine how Sara must feel like. She also couldn't understand why or how Sara could be standing there like she had frozen to that position where she had been standing for who knew how long.

She slowly pushed the door open and walked inside. Sara ignored the footsteps behind her like they didn't even exist. Catherine walked behind her and wrapped her arms around her waist and chest, pulling her into a tight embrace.

"Stop torturing yourself," She quietly begged and pressed her face against Sara's neck. Sara still didn't react in anyway. Her eyes were nailed in front of her. Catherine felt tears starting to burn her eyes. The younger woman dropped her head a little and flinched almost invisibly. "C'mon. C'mon Sara it's time to go now." Catherine whispered and started to urge Sara move away. Sara separated herself from Catherine's hold and walked out of the autopsy room with Catherine tightly behind her. Once they were back in the hallway Sara continued walking until Catherine stopped her and made turn around.

Sara was avoiding her eyes. She tried to step closer and reach her, but Sara kept evading her touch.

"It was him, wasn't he?" Sara asked. Her speak came out in fast spur.

"Yes. Yes he was." Catherine had to fight against the urge to step closer and pull Sara into a fierce hug. Every time she tried to come closer Sara stepped back, keeping the distance. Seeing Sara hurt ripped Catherine's heart apart, but she just had to give up trying to reach her and accept that Sara didn't want anyone, not even her to come near her at the moment.

"What was he doing there?" Sara kept constantly moving around, extremely upset.

Catherine stepped a little closer, but not too close that it would make Sara feel herself threaten. "C'mon honey, let's go talk somewhere else..."

"No! I wanna know what the hell he was doing in there!" Sara was starting to lose it. She gritted her teeth together and squeezed her head between her arms like preventing it to blow apart. She had her eyes shut while she was trying so hard to keep herself together.

"He's the victim in my case. I'm investigating his murder. That's why he's body was in there," Catherine tried to do her best to calm Sara down. "Yes, he is the same asshole. The DNA confirmed it! Sara we caught him. He's dead. He can't hurt you or anyone else anymore! Sara it's- "

"Who the hell is WE?!"

"Sofia and Me. We're going to close this case. It's going be put away," Catherine explained and hoped Sara would hear what she was telling. Sara's breathing was still fast. She suddenly nailed her eyes to Catherine. Her eyes looked like they had turned into glass. She wasn't herself and it scared Catherine. She was fighting against the rising panic.

"So you're telling me the case file on your desk was..." She couldn't finish the sentence. "Oh my God..." She groaned, her voice trembling. Catherine realised Sara had been in her office, and reached her hand to grab Sara's arm even if she only flinched away. "And you just left it there, lying on your desk!?"

"No one will see it!"

"I DID! So who ever can find the fucking file and read what's in it!!" Sara couldn't hold her cool when a thought of people in the lab knowing what had happened went through her head.

Catherine took a firm grip of Sara's shoulders and made her look straight in her eyes. "Sara listen! Listen to me. No one can see the file, I promise! Now you need to get a grip!" Catherine commanded. Sara tore herself free and took a hold of a cool concrete wall. Her heart was beating like crazy and it was starting to make her dizzy. Catherine rubbed her back and felt the sweat that was moistening Sara's back. "Take it easy..." She told softly and tried to get Sara's tense muscles relaxed. "C'mon, I'll take you home, you're done tonight." It was wrong thing to say and Sara snapped Catherine's hand away.

"I'm not going anywhere," She mumbled and was already walking away. Catherine followed her and once again had to stop her.

"Sara you don't need to be here. You can't stay here for another 8 hours."

"Oh really?" Sara laughed dryly. She saw Grissom walk towards them.

Catherine looked at her. "You're in shock." She stated with a low voice. She wanted to hug her so bad. She wanted to take all the pain away.

"What's exactly going on?" Grissom asked and looked both women, trying to figure out of what they were arguing about in this time.

"I'm sending Sara home." Catherine stated without taking her eyes off Sara.

"I'm not going anywhere!" Sara kept protesting.

"I'm the next from your supervisor. I'm telling you to go home. Mark the rest of your shift as a sick leave. You're not in condition to work," Catherine said her voice firm and professional. Grissom was somewhat surprised of Catherine's words, but kept the hold of his tongue. He just looked at Sara and tried to figure out what was wrong with her. She looked pale and shaky. And strongly pissed off.

Sara flashed an angry smile to Catherine, proclaiming the blond she had won, before turning on her heels and storming away. Catherine watched Sara's furthering back and tried to cool off. To Grissom's silent question she answered with a look that told loud and clear to stay out.

Couple hours later, Catherine was sitting in her office, going through her case. She didn't really know if she even wanted to get this case solved, to her it didn't matter. But the CSI inside her kept her doing her best trying to catch the killer. Actually, she had done all she could on her part. Repeating the facts and trying to figure out something new was the last effort she was about to give. Someone knocked the door softly. Catherine called out an invitation to come in. Door opened and Sofia's head popped in.

"We got a very potential suspect..."

* * *

Catherine was sitting beside Sofia in the interrogation room, staring at a man in front of her. He was a Latino somewhere around thirty, black short hair, worked out body, tattoos on his arms. He had just made a full confession and still looked calm and had a twisted smile on his face.

"So, Horez, why did you do it?" Sofia asked after reading over the confession the guy had just signed. He just spread his hands and laughed dryly.

"He was an asshole. Rich ass punk. Stupid little junkie lost from daddy's mansion. To me he was worth the 300 hundred bucks he owed me."

Sofia lifted an eye-brow. "You killed him over 300 bucks?" Man just smiled. He didn't seem to care. "Okay, let me get this straight. You just confessed a murder… that's, from 25 to life. The judge is gonna ask about those 300 and with no doubt during your history it's the dope he never paid. I guess you're not hesitating to yell that to world as well. It can get you, let's say, 5-10 years more... What is it that you're gonna get from this?"

The guy propped up to sit more straight on the steel chair. "I got nothing to lose. In fact, you're getting my things better with this little system of yours," Man said with a self-satisfied grin on his face. He was obviously waiting the women's reaction. During the whole conversation he had been rudely polite. He enjoyed being open of what he had done.

"I don't follow."

The smile on his lips remained but his eyes faded. "I've leukemia. Doc gave me two months, tops. If I go back on the streets they're gonna kill me. Now, I get to live those two months. And if the county is kind enough, they might even get me nice bed in some nice prison hospital. And a lots of lots of free medication."

"So you killed the guy just to get yourself a ticket to a nice death?" _Why do I even care? For once someone who deserved to die got murdered!_ Sofia realised what just had thought and mentally slapped herself. _Get a grip!_

"Nah. Like I said, he was an asshole. Nobody cared a fuck of him. What can I say, he should have paid," he shrugged.

"What was Mike like?" Catherine suddenly took a part to the conversation. Both, Sofia and Emilio Horez looked at her strangely. "I mean, he might be-" _IS!_ "-a suspect on another case..."

The look on man's face turned curious, "Really? What did the kid do?"

"Assault a woman."

"Oh yeah... no wonder. He was a real dick and had this, how do you say... Tendency for an aggressive behaviour. Especially when he was high. At least what I heard."

"So this one victim isn't the only one?"

"Nope. He was beating people all the time. Mostly women. He was one sick bastard," guy explained. "So aren't you happy I took him off his days?" He asked amused, proud of what he had done. Both, Sofia and Catherine stared at him.

"No." Sofia answered, keeping her professional judgment.

Even if in her mind she had a whole different answer for that.

* * *

Catherine entered her house and found Lindsey watching TV in the living room.

"Hi," Lindsey greeted.

"Hey baby," Catherine dropped her bag next to Lindsey and pressed a kiss on her hair. She leaned down to hug her from behind. "I'm sorry my shift got so long," She said and kissed her daughter onto temple this time, "How was school?" She asked with soft voice and pressed her nose back into Lindsey's hair, inhaling the light coconut scent it had. Even if she didn't get to see her mother's face, she knew from her behaviour and heard from her voice she was dead tired.

"Okay. I run 2500 in cooper today. Almost 1,6 miles, can you imagine."

"Wow, that's great honey. Not something anyone in your age can do."

"Yeah, what ever..." Lindsey said but couldn't hide the good feeling that filled her when she heard the proud sound in her mother's voice. She glanced over her shoulder and her voice turned more serious. "Sara's upstairs..."

"She is?" Catherine asked her voice reserved. Lindsey realised that she wasn't really asking.

Lindsey bit her lip shortly and kept staring at the TV. "She came almost right after I came home. Didn't say much, just that she was going to take a nap. I checked her after few hours. She was lying on the bed, her back to the door..." Lindsey tried to sound casual, but the hint of insurance in her voice revealed Catherine, how Lindsey knew that something was going on again. Catherine admired her politeness and tactful attitude to not interfere Sara's business, even if it inevitably concerned her life as well. Maybe she had forgotten how mature and understanding her daughter could be. Or maybe the child inside Lindsey just didn't want to know the truth, in fear of not knowing how to handle it.

What ever was the truth, Catherine was nothing but glad how Lindsey handled it all. "Why don't you order us something to eat? I'll go get changed go see Sara in the mean while. Okay?" Catherine said and stroked Lindsey's hair as she rose up. Lindsey tilted her head back to see her mother walk away.

Catherine climbed upstairs. Bedroom door was left ajar. She carefully pushed it open and closed it properly behind her. Sara was lying on her side at the other end of the bed, facing the window. Catherine moved quietly over the bed and lay down behind Sara. She wrapped both of her arms tightly around the younger woman and took a firm hold of her. Sara didn't move from her position; right arm under her head, left between bended knees. She was staring blindly in front of her.

"When will this end?" Sara's hollow voice asked. Her voice was hoarse and it hurt to talk.

"You'll get through this. I promise." Catherine whispered and stroked Sara's arm with a thumb.

Sara felt tears burn her eyes again. "No. I won't," her voice broke and she started to sob. She had fooled herself believing she was over the attack, but now she was just back in the place where she had been a couple months ago. Everyone around her said she'd get through it and that everything was going to be okay, but none of them really knew what it was like to live in the quiet hell she was living in. What it was like to be wake three days in row and try to survive feeling ill like a cancer patient. At the time when you tried to sleep your mind was filled with flashes of worst parts, running over and over, no matter how badly you tried to get your mind under control. Only a shortest flash from being penetrated by someone you didn't want to touch you in any way was enough to make want to rip your own skin off. She couldn't fight her mind and she couldn't get out of the body that was now dirty. None of them knew the feeling. None of them what it was like to hate yourself. And still they were all making promises that everything would get better.

Sara felt Catherine squeeze her harder. "Yes you will." Catherine said putting a lot of weight on her words. "Sara, you're the strongest person I know." Catherine said with a low voice as she was swallowing her own tears. "You're a survivor." Sara wanted to yell that she was not a strong person, and that she was the biggest loser in the world, but couldn't control her weeps enough for pronouncing coherent word. So she just cried her misery and let herself fall apart.

* * *

Lindsey was sitting on the steps outside, in slowly growing boredom when silver VW pulled in front of their house and a brown haired man stepped outside.

Man smiled to her as he approached the house. "Hey Lindsey. I'm Greg. I work with your..."

"You're from the lab, yeah, I remember.." Lindsey cut him, but still was careful not be too rude. Greg stopped in front of her. "Mom's inside," Lindsey said, giving him a permission to go in. Greg thanked and walked past the girl. He went inside and looked around, searching for any form of life. He saw Sara walking past the window at the backyard.

At the end of last night's shift, Catherine had told him shortly that the asshole was found dead, and the case was closed. It didn't mean that Sara's life would be magically back what it used to be, but it certainly helped moving on. She didn't need to afraid of the man or live in fear anymore.

Greg entered the balcony and saw Sara pacing bare foot on the lawn. She walked to her and saw sparkles of happiness in her eyes when she saw him. Greg reached out and pulled her into a hug. Sara closed her eyes and was relieved to rest her chin on Greg's shoulder for a second.

"How did you get here?" Sara asked smiling. It was clear without asking that Greg knew everything.

"Through a door..." Greg grinned and pulled back. He looked at Sara. "How are you doing?"

Sara shrugged. "Fine. I guess." She looked at the other direction and the smile disappeared. "I've been better."

Greg stroked her arm to comfort. "I'm just so glad it's over now. The bastard is six feet down and can't hurt anyone anymore..." Greg said.

"Greg, please..." Sara pleaded. Greg apologized and regretted thinking aloud. Sara didn't need to hear that crap. "Let's have a sit." Sara suggested and led Greg to a thin blanket that was spread on the grass.

"So, how have you been?" Greg asked as they sat down.

Sara swallowed. "Well... being honest, last night was pretty rough. I hardly slept," Sara said and stared some place in the distance. "I ran into his body at the morgue. Then afterwards, after Catherine got me out of the room, I kinda lost it. The whole situation messed my head up..." She laughed with nothing but dry irony in her voice. She looked down and tried to hold herself together. "It all pulled me into the same place I had just got out from," her voice was quiet now. Tired. "It feels so unfair. I thought I had already suffered my punishment..."

Greg felt anger come to him like a wave, and fill him at the point of sickness. He understood how Sara must feel. He knew what he had witnessed just a while ago. But that the whole incident had got Sara to think in the same way as few months ago... _if she even ever stopped blaming herself._ "Sara..My god! There's nothing you should be punished of! Okay?? This is not a punishment of any kind, this is just something sick- twisted--... !!" He was so frustrated he just wanted to hit something. "You can't let this keep ruining your life anymore. You need to fight against it, you hear me!" Greg watched how Sara desperately tried to hold it together. She had tears in her eyes. She looked lost. A sob escaped her mouth, and she tried to muffle it with the back of her hand.

"I don't want to life this through anymore!" Sara cried. Greg pulled her into his arms and held tight.

"Sara you have to! You can't give up now. You're too amazing to let this break you!"

Sara's burst of tears was over in a minute, and she pulled back from the hug. Greg wiped her cheeks with his thumb while Sara's hands lay limp in her lap. Greg stroked her hair. "Catherine's afraid because of me..." Sara admitted. She was exhausted, within a strong reason. It all made her emotional. Filled her with hopelessness. Greg probably knew it too. He knew how strong the feeling was, and could be and that's why he was probably the only person who truly understood her. "Yesterday, after I got home... at some moment I entered the bathroom. First time during the whole time, I truly wanted to do something. I wanted to cut away the fucking teeth marks. It was so strong y'know... It scared me how close I was doing something to myself. It's so easy to talk about it now afterwards and see the moment without actually feeling it, but at the moment I just wanted to hurt myself so bad... It has never happened me before. Not like this. The feeling has never been so strong y'know..." Sara tried to explain how anxious she was. "I mentioned something of it to Catherine last night, and... well... I don't know if she ever mentioned anything of it to you, but obviously I tried to kill myself that one wasted night. I don't remember it, but she claims I swallowed all my sleeping pills while she was out of the room... So now she's afraid that I'll do something to myself. Purposely or not..." Sara explained.

Greg needed a while to process what he just had heard. Speaking of the truth, he knew something about that night. It made him scared too, it scared the hell out of him, but something in Sara's voice told that making him concerned by telling her inside thoughts was different than having Catherine worried. Catherine's concern was the kind of fear that had a part for selfishness in it. Catherine was in love with Sara, and that's why it'd be harder to control her feelings and actions than it'd be for him. And it only added extra stress on Sara, whose anxiousness level was already shot up to maximum.

"I get what you're saying," Greg said soothingly. "And I know you don't want to hurt yourself. At least deep inside you don't. You're still in shock. I'm not a doctor, but to me your actions feel like symptoms of some sort of PTSD. Running into his face without a warning only got you out of track. It's totally understandable," Greg started making sense of everything Sara had told during their conversation. He wasn't sure if he was trying to explain the current situation more to Sara than himself. Maybe a little both.

They exchanged looks. Both revealing their inner thoughts without hesitation. Greg didn't try to hide how bad he felt for Sara, and Sara's eyes only told how upset and scared she still was.

"C'here..." Greg whispered and wrapped his arms around Sara's shoulders, allowing Sara rest her head against his shoulder.

* * *

Catherine was leaning slightly against the doorframe and watched the couple outside. She had stood there for a good while. She didn't want to intrude so she let talk in private. She had no idea how long Greg had been there, but it definitely had a huge effect on Sara. And while watching them, talking, crying, hugging, talking again, exchanging smiles together, she understood how much Sara needed Greg. She needed someone who she could talk to. Catherine had to admit that somewhere deep she hated that Sara was more comfortable and more able to talk with Greg, than with her, but the wise voice in her head didn't let it bother too much. The last couple days had been rough enough and it didn't matter who or what it was that would make Sara feel better. Sara had reacted more strongly to all what had happened, than Catherine had expected. But in other hand, she had no idea how it must have felt like to run into a man who raped you, in the place where you thought anything bad or personal would never reach you. And Sara still wasn't over the attack, no matter how great the last weeks had been.

Catherine heard Lindsey come inside and went back to the living room. "Hey Linds..." Catherine mumbled and pulled Lindsey closer, so she could kiss her forehead. Lindsey seemed bored and followed Catherine to the couch. Catherine didn't pay much attention on her. Mostly because she had so much in her mind already.

"I could ask," Lindsey started, catching Catherine's attention. Catherine saw the observing and reserved, look in the girl's eyes. "But no one would tell me anyway."

Catherine felt a stab in her heart. It was stupid to think that Lindsey wouldn't notice what was going on around her. It was obvious that she wasn't thrilled about the atmosphere that had sneaked its way into their house. Catherine didn't know what to answer, so she sighed frustrated, and rubbed her forehead.

"Lindsey," it sounded suffocated. "Baby, c'here.." Catherine expected Lindsey to move over, but nothing happened. She turned her eyes her to Lindsey and saw how the girl had turned her face away from her.

Catherine sighed again. Maybe it was better to stop intervene Lindsey to any of this anymore, so instead telling her what she had been about to say, she just told her to go upstairs and start prepare for her Monday's math test.

After Lindsey was gone, she just sat there, thinking, until she heard steps behind her. Sara and Greg had returned the house. Catherine looked over her shoulder. The look in Sara's eyes told, that she wanted to talk about something. Sara and Greg both came to sit, Sara next to Catherine, Greg on the other couch. Catherine checked them both shortly from under her eye brows, and didn't like the way they obviously had something they needed to tell, together. It made her feel small.

"You know, I need fresh clothes so..." Sara started lamely. Then her depressed voice turned even more depressing. "And stay at my place for a night or few..." Sara suggested. Catherine turned her head to Sara's direction. "Cath, don't get this wrong. I don't want to hurt you by doing this, but feels the best right now. Not best for me or anything, just the best for all of us... I don't want that anything else changes or..."

Catherine cut Sara's rambling. "It's okay," she said.

To Sara Catherine looked almost amused. "You don't mind?"

Catherine shook her head and smiled for assurance. Sara was a little confused, but relieved that there wasn't any extra fuss within the decision to go back at her place. She rose from the couch and went upstairs. After Sara was gone, Catherine turned her attention to Greg.

"Catherine, really, she just needs some time apart. From everyone. Don't take it as offence."

_She's my girlfriend, don't you come to tell me __what to think of her actions!_

"I'm not offended, Greg," Catherine said with a voice that probably exposed her true feelings. She really didn't care if she was being rude at the moment. "As much as I'd like to keep her here, close to me, this is starting to concern Lindsey more than it should. I don't mind Sara leaving. It doesn't change my feelings for her or mean that I'd stop seeing her. But this is Lindsey's home, and she doesn't need to be involved things she doesn't quite understand. She's not feeling comfortable when there constantly some weird tension around," Catherine explained and hoped Greg understood what she was talking about. She didn't have the energy to explain any further. "I'm gonna go help Sara to pack..." She said and rose from the sofa.

By the time she reached upstairs Sara had picked up pretty much all she needed. Catherine closed the door behind her and walked to Sara. "You want me to come over later?" Catherine asked and placed her hands lightly on Sara's shoulders.

Sara shook her head. "No, it's better if you don't." She knew it must hurt, but it was the truth.

"Well then, I guess I'll pick you for work tomorrow... is that okay?"

Sara nodded. She lifted her eyes on Catherine's and saw a sad smile on her face. Catherine pulled Sara down for a long kiss and after that hugged her for a goodbye. Sara picked her bag from the bed and looked at Catherine for the last time before walking out.


	18. Chapter 18

Sara was lying on the bed, her arms around Catherine who was half on top of her. Neither of them actually slept any longer, but they still didn't talk. Everything was nice just the way it was.

What ever depression she fell into a few weeks ago, she had recovered from it amazingly fast, and life seemed good again. Time alone and time spent with Greg had helped, and life didn't feel so hopeless anymore. She had started to think about future again, which was something she hadn't dared to do even when no one even knew of a name Michael Walter. At first it had felt like the backlash would destroy her, but now she was probably more stable emotionally than before. Knowing that the man was dead had certainly helped moving on and getting herself back together. It helped her build back the basic security that she had lost.

Also the apartment had got some new aspect. At Saturday, they had explored department stores with Greg and got things they could use to decorate the place. New carpeting, some posters and paintings, shelve for books and CD's, new lamp, dark blue bedspread they were now lying on with Catherine... Slowly the place was turning from an inhospitable hole into a home.

A new prescription of Rozerem helped her sleep at nights, though Catherine had warned to be careful with that stuff. She had been eating sleeping pills for an alarmingly long time.

Catherine shifted on the bed and was now propped against her elbow next to Sara, her leg still over the brunette's thigh. They locked gazes and a sly smile tugged the corner of Catherine's mouth up. She leaned her head down, her lips almost but not touching Sara's. She brushed her lips over Sara's, pulling back every time Sara tried to kiss her. The smirk on her face widened. Her hand slid to touch the skin under the hem of Sara's shirt as she kept playing. Sara didn't pay too much attention to it as long as it didn't move any further.

Catherine had enough of teasing and captured Sara's lips for a deep kiss. She sucked Sara's lip into her mouth and ran her tongue across it. Sara felt Catherine push her body closer and how the hand on her stomach slowly started to stroke her middle. To distract Catherine Sara ran her hand up Catherine's thigh. In intend to take the control before Catherine got any ideas in her head.

Sara felt Catherine's hand move upwards over her stomach to biceps. She startled and her hand snapped off Catherine's thigh to stop her. Catherine broke the kiss and looked down at Sara, but didn't move her hand away, even if she felt Sara's attempts to push it away.

"Wow… It's okay babe," Catherine said soothingly when she saw the scared look in Sara's eyes. She pressed a gentle kiss on her cheek and next time she opened her eyes she saw Sara a little more relaxed. She brushed Sara's hair with her free hand while her thumb kept stroking the warm skin on her stomach.

"Catherine..." Sara started, sounding suffocated.

Catherine silenced her by placing a finger on her lips. "I'll stop when ever you want. I promise. Just, give me a change to try. You make me feel so good, and I want you to feel the same way... If you're uncomfortable, just give me a sigh and I'll stop. Just let me try..." Catherine spoke softly.

"You promise?"

"I swear. I would never do anything to hurt you. Sara I love you!" Catherine said with a low voice and sank her fingers into Sara's hair.

Sara still looked unsure. "You're just saying that to get laid..." She mumbled and made Catherine crack.

"No, it's the way I feel. Now will you let me try? It's something I'm pretty good at..." Catherine grinned with a wink. Sara smiled and pulled Catherine's head down. They rested their foreheads together.

"I love you too, Catherine," Sara whispered. Catherine lifter her head and Sara saw the sparkles of happiness in Catherine's eyes when she said out the three words she meant more than anything else she had ever said to her. While Catherine had lost her ability to move, Sara pulled Catherine's head down and captured her mouth with her own. She felt how Catherine was smiling wide. After a little hesitation, Sara loosed the grip on Catherine's hand and motioned it get back on its previous task. Catherine sighed and got alive again. Without rush, she started running her hand up and down Sara's side, passing by her flat stomach and wandering back up, gauging for her reaction when she reached the edge of her bra.

Catherine started kissing her neck and let her hand roam over a soft breast. She sucked the skin above her collarbone and trailed kisses on her neck. Sara's breathing had become heavier. Catherine sat up and pulled Sara with her. They locked gazes as Catherine pulled Sara's shirt over the brunette's head. Her eyes radiating calmness and begging Sara to trust her. She leaned down and placed wet kisses on her chest. Sara sighed and Catherine pushed her gently on her back again. Sara's arms were around Catherine's shoulders, clutching her. Catherine deepened the kiss, slipping her tongue past Sara's lips. Sara arched her back and Catherine took the opportunity to reach under her to unhook her bra. She moved the straps down Sara's arms, following the bath with her lips. She tossed the garment aside. She took a look of half naked body below her and bit her lip to stop herself moaning at the sight.

"You're so beautiful..." She breathed into Sara's before capturing her lips for a fierce kiss. She took both of Sara's hands into hers, interlacing their fingers, and stretched them above her head. Sara opened her eyes and their eyes meat again. Catherine started running her hand's down on Sara's arms to her chest. She grabbed her bare breast, feeling nipples harden against her palm. She lowered her head and captured a nipple into her mouth. Sara gasped and arched her back again. Catherine circled her tongue around it and continued licking and sucking while teasing the other one's flesh with her fingers. Sara shuddered.

Catherine lifted her head and pressed a short but intense kiss on Sara's lips. "You want me to stop?" She asked.

"No," She managed to utter.

Catherine felt something move inside her. "You sure?" She asked again and kissed Sara's face while her hand was already making its way down on Sara's body, resting on a hipbone.

Sara nodded. Catherine opened the buttons of Sara's pants and slipped her hand in, cupping her through her panties. Sara gasped sharply and threw her head back. Catherine run her fingers along her slit and made Sara groan and grind against her hand. Catherine couldn't hold herself back anymore and pushed her hand inside, meeting the wetness between Sara's legs. She started to rub her clit back and forth, slowly fastening the speed. Sara was whimpering and her hips moved along the rhythm. Catherine lowered her fingers, sliding her middle finger inside Sara. Trying to concentrate her blue eyes, she looked down to assure if Sara was still enjoying it. She slipped in another finger and started to thrust them in and out with a steady pace, that made Sara's body tremble beneath her. Sara's breathing was loud and out of control. Her eyes squeezed shut as Catherine was slowly blowing her mind away. Catherine fastened the speed and rubbed the hardened nub with her thumb.

Sara saw stars in her eyes and grasped violently on Catherine. Catherine swore she had never been so close of having an orgasm without being touched in anyway, than she was now while touching Sara. After the last shudder shook her body, she fell limb on the mattress, her hands giving up on Catherine. Catherine pulled her fingers out and searched for her lovers face.

Sara tried to get back the control of her breathing. She felt Catherine's soft lips on her forehead. It felt so good, but still an overwhelming feeling went through her and she turned her head away. Catherine saw her face screw and sobs started shook a weak body lying half naked next to her. Catherine run her hand through Sara's hair but couldn't get her turn her head back up. She first thought nervously if she had done something wrong, but then realised it wasn't her. She reached for the blanket that was resting on a chair next to bed to cover the younger woman with it before pulling her into a tight embrace.

Sara continued crying, but it didn't sound like the tears of hurt or agony. It sounded free.

* * *

After finishing with the book, Catherine slipped quietly out of the bed and sneaked out of the bedroom. Sara was deep in sleep for the fourth hour and she didn't want to wake her. It was better to let her sleep the headache off all at once.

Catherine grabbed a white shirt that was hanging on a door nub of a closet and pulled it on. She searched for Lindsey with her look as she walked thought a hall, doing the buttons of the shirt. She passed the girl's room and found it empty. TV's fake laugh reached quietly from downstairs.

Lindsey was in half-sitting half-lying position on the couch, staring blindly at the screen. She was wearing sweats and an old t-shirt that had a worn-out picture of a clown on it. Catherine sat next to her. Like usually Lindsey didn't react in any specific way. Catherine looked at her daughter with an unreadable look in her eyes.

"How's Sara?" Lindsey started a conversation with overly cheerfull voice, as the staring started to become too disturbing.

"Still sleeping." Lindsey glanced at her mother shortly and left unmentioned that she had spent there the last two hour. How's that letting someone privacy to sleep?

"Listen, Lindsey..." Catherine started with a sound that made Lindsey pay more attention to her, even if not physically then just sharpen her hearing. "How would you feel if Sara started spending more time here? With us?" Catherine asked, a little cautious for the answer. Lindsey looked up again with the same look than the previous time.

"Isn't she here a lot already..." She pointed. Not in a mean way but she just made out a point. Catherine thought about it and realised it was true. Sara was there almost the most of every week. "But it's okay. She's cool." Lindsey then answered the original question when Catherine didn't say anything after her little note. Catherine looked down again, lifting an eyebrow. "I even may say I might enjoy her company..." Lindsey added jokingly and made Catherine smile widely.

"Good."

_Good what?_ Lindsey thought but again, wasn't interested enough to bother to ask.

Catherine took more comfortable position on the couch and pulled Lindsey under her arm. Yes, it must be odd that Sara was there all the time. Sleeping with her in the same bedroom. Same bed in the matter of fact. But she wasn't going to talk about the type of their relationship right now. She wanted to take one step at the time and tell her daughter when the time was right.


	19. Chapter 19

Lindsey hopped from behind a corner and came to sit next to Sara, who had found a perfect sitting place at the edge of a sidewalk. Sara greeted her like always, even if Lindsey didn't answer. Sara had half smoked cigarette in her hand. She wasn't exactly comfortable of smoking in front of Lindsey, but the girl tended always pop out from out of nowhere. Lindsey grabbed a stick from the ground and started drawing picture's on dust that was covering the pavement. She glanced at Sara and the cigarette in her hand.

"Why don't you quit?" She asked insipid. Sara half-laughed and blew smoke out of her lungs.

She shrugged non-chalant. "Never know if I will..." She said before taking another drag. Speaking the truth, part of her wanted to quit, because the memory of surviving without the habit for years hunted in her mind. But the other part didn't really care of the memory. So she just kept going it. Lindsey observed her for another minute, which Sara simply ignored. Then the girl out of nowhere pulled the cigarette out of Sara's mouth and threw it on the street, jumping up and running away before Sara could get her. Sara was shocked, but it all happened too fast, and by the time she realised, the girl was gone.

"Hell, someone knows the manners..." She mumbled half aloud and remained her spot even if the siggy was dumped on the street. She sat there for a good while before silver SUV pulled in front of her and the passenger's door was pushed open. She got up, wiped the dust and sand off her bottom before climbing in.

"Did you steal this?" Sara said as a greeting.

"Only from Warrick," Greg pulled back to the street and speeded up. "He's car is so much cleaner than mine..."

"Oh, aren't you a gentleman," Sara smiled joking and made Greg laugh softly. They drove at Greg's place. He parked the car straight in front of the building, outrageously abusing the LVPD officer card's authority on the dash board. Greg grabbed a brown bag from backseat and locked the doors.

"Aren't you gonna tar your lungs before we go inside?" Greg asked, and got Sara thought about it for a second.

"Nah," she shrugged, "I quit."

Greg stopped and looked Sara bewildered. "Wow. Good for you." He had no idea Sara had stopped smoking. On the other hand, he also had no idea Sara had came up with the decision just about two seconds ago. He held the door open for her and two floors later they were in his apartment. Together they set up a breakfast table. Coffee, bagels and cheese Greg had brought in the paper bag and what ever food that was found from the closets.

"What the doctor said?" Greg asked and took the coffee Sara handed him.

Sara swallowed several times to get her mouth empty of bagel. "He was nice enough to speak straight. He told that even if the headaches are giving up and doesn't come so often, I shouldn't expect to get rid of them any time soon. The migraines and hell-like headaches that came after the hit has become chronic. He said it sometimes happen if you get your head hammered bad enough," Sara explained and took sip of her coffee. She told it like anything casual. "He told me to stop eating over-the-counter painkillers and wrote a new prescription. The new meds aren't as strong as the previous ones. Qualifies the safety limits on longer period use."

Greg listened silently and tried to keep hold of his feelings to prevent showing his thoughts in his expressions. Sara seemed to have accepted the fact that the bastard's beating had caused her long lasting health issues. In every meaning it was a good thing, because it meant she had decided to leave bad things behind and try move on with her life. But he was bitter, no matter what. He thought it was too unfair that after so much time she still needed to suffer. He wasn't ready to accept that life could be so twisted and cruel to those who didn't deserve it. Sara didn't deserve to go through anymore pain!

"What about the sleeping pills?" He asked.

"Same complaining I hear from Cath," She said with a little tense tone. It obviously was a subject Sara didn't want to hear an opinion from Catherine anymore than anyone else. "Except he's the one who has a power to stop letting me get them..." She added half aloud and focused on her coffee after she saw out of the corner of her eye the way Greg looked at her.

"Stop playing with fire. You know you shouldn't eat them in such amounts!" Greg said serious. Sara leaned backwards on the chair and crossed her arms.

"I know..." She admitted, biting her lip shortly. "That's why he refused to write me another dose yet. He told me to try surviving with what I've left. To prevent addiction."

"Well, do you disagree?!"

"I guess not..." Sara sighed. "I'm just, a little afraid, that all the stress that comes from work... all the nightmares and weird dreams that gets me a fear of falling asleep... will cause a serious insomnia. And it starts this never ending vicious circle I so don't want to be in."

"Don't get ahead of yourself. You're drawing the darkest picture when decreasing the dose of medication is just getting started," Greg said with a more soft tone than earlier during the subject on their conversation.

Sara looked doubtful but didn't argue. Greg was right, she shouldn't start fearing the worst beforehand.

"Anyway..." She mumbled slowly. She sat back straight and grabbed an apple from a basket. "Now I've been at Dr. Hayden's office and things on that area clear. And Catherine can get a peace of her mind back."

Greg laughed softly. "She's so gonna get her head blown with you." Sara coughed, acting hurt. "You? Stubborn? Nooowaayy..." Greg taunted with a loud harsh voice.

"Oh, shut up!" Sara growled as she rose up. She dropped the tree and what was left of the apple in an empty coffee mug and started clearing the table. "Like I'm the only one with personality issues? What about Catherine's ridiculously high temper? Or your being always such a smart ass?" Sara complained and threw the empty cart mugs in a garbage can. Greg only laughed at her and got up from his chair to put the food what was left in a fridge.

"Am I being a smart ass?" He asked amused. "Well, you just love me anyway..." He teased with an over acted smug on his face. Sara only stared at his self satisfied face that was about an inch away of hers.

"Don't press your luck," She warned. They cleared the table and while Greg was wiping it clean from crumbles, Sara went at the couch and snuggled herself into a comfy position.

"So..." Greg started and folded the dish rag on the edge of the sink. "This little thing between you and Catherine... it's serious then, huh?" He came to sit next to her. Sara smiled and tilted her head against a back of the couch.

"Yeah, it's serious... I have this strange feeling that this might turn out to be one of those long-term relationships you hear people tell stories about," Sara answered with a light tone. "I really love her, y'know," She admitted.

"I can see that," Greg laughed. "It seems she loves you too. Very, very... very-very much." He had seen the look in Catherine's eyes when she looked at the brunette. The way she touched the younger woman, caressing her hair, face or arms like she was the most precious thing on the planet. How fiercely she was ready to fight to stop anyone or anything in the world hurt Sara. "Does Lindsey know about you two?"

Sara shook her head. "No, we haven't told her yet. It doesn't feel like the right time," She explained.

"How did you plan to keep it as a secret, then?" Greg had met Lindsey and knew she wasn't blind. Nor stupid. Nor always too sensitive.

"We're telling it to her. Soon. After figuring out what to tell and how to tell it. I'm there all the time. We mostly sleep in the same bedroom. _Same bed_. She knows it. And if we don't tell her what's going on she'll figure it out by herself. Or then get some other crazy ideas only a teenage mind can develop. We get along with her quite well, actually. Excluding the times she's on a bad mood and doesn't care anyone's feelings... but I'm kinda used to her mood swings and how much temper she can have. Like a mother like a daughter..." Sara spoke without even noticing she was still talking. "And I'm a little afraid how she'll react once she hears that I'm in a relationship with her mother. The only person who's attention she needs the most right now."

"She's gonna take it fine."

"Oh yeah? I can see the picture of her hating me for the next five years. Constantly putting Catherine in situations where she has to pick between me and her, testing if she's still the number one."

"She'll get over it sooner than that..." Greg convinced.

Sara sighed. "Better hope so. If Catherine dumps me now," Sara shook her head, "it's gonna be the end of my story..."

"Trust me, Catherine would rather eat her right arm than let go of you." After what he had seen, he was sure that Catherine would never leave Sara that easily. _And if she would, it would be end of her story..._ Greg swore quietly in his thoughts.

"Beside... our relationship isn't going that fast, so," Sara, after all, wasn't as sceptical as she had sounded, "so I guess it gives Lindsey fairly enough time to get use to idea of me being with her mother.

* * *

When Sara returned the house later that evening, she was surprised to find out how Lindsey was no longer the alone in there. Lazy beats reached from backyard to inside the house. Back door was left open. Sara saw through a window a punch of kids sitting on the grass. She stepped on a balcony and spying studied the group from the shadows. Two boys were lying lazily on the ground with a CD player between them. A brown haired girl was sitting cross-legged next to Lindsey and a boy was sitting next to her. The last one had positioned very closely to Lindsey, with tangled legs and the girl under his armpit. The boy had black hair and bright smile. He was about ten inches taller than Lindsey and he was wearing dark-blue t-shirt and wore-out jeans.

Slender arms sneaked around her middle and a soft body pressed against her back. Sara smiled.

"Aren't you worried they'll see something strange in the way we're standing?" Sara asked but didn't do any effort to change their position.

"I could strip my clothes off and no one would even realise," Catherine responded and pressed her cheek against the side of Sara's head. Sara laughed lamely.

"So.." Catherine said mischievously, "He is Samuel."

Sara fought against a smile that was about to burst across her face. Catherine had a hint of defiance in her otherwise neutral voice. Defiance she probably didn't even know to existed.

"So Lindsey finally introduced him to you?" Sara asked non-chalant and turned her head to right Catherine's face.

"Yes. She told me about him earlier this week. And since they walked in holding hands when the rest three came behind in military qualifying line, it didn't leave much to guess who he was." Catherine expalained while they observed the group from the distance. "And you already knew about this, didn't you?" Catherine added, not sounding even a bit surprised.

Sara grinned widely and covered Catherine's forearms with her own. "Since about the very first weekend I came over..."

"Of course you did..." Catherine smiled wry. "And I bet you had no issues like this when you brought boys, or girls home in your teens," Catherine presumed it to be a reason for Sara's amusement.

Smile in Sara's eyes faded and the smile on her lips turned dry. "Nah..." Her eyes focused onto youngsters again. "It wasn't like that in my house." She said without explaining it further. And Catherine didn't ask, she had already something else in her mind. Her hand started to slide slowly towards Sara's wrist.

"I want you to have something," She half whispered.

"Uh-huh?" Sara got curious.

Catherine turned Sara's palm up and placed something in her hand, squeezing it into a fist before Sara got to see it. It was metal, steel perhaps. It was small and edgy.

"It's a key," Catherine whispered and placed a kiss on Sara's neck. Sara forgot the group she'd been staring at and lowered her eyes on her fist. "I want this house to be your home as well."

Sara turned around and looked Catherine bewildered. She opened her fist and saw that it in fact was a key. She gazed at Catherine again, looking a little shocked this time.

"No strings attached," Catherine added and looked calmly at Sara. She pulled Sara inside the house and safe from prying eyes, pulled Sara closer and wrapped her arms around bony shoulders. "Just want you to feel this as your home. That you can come here when ever you like and stay as often as you are willing to stay." Catherine continued, taking an opportunity of Sara's confused state. "Just take it."

"Thanks..." Sara laughed dazed. Catherine's smile widened and she pulled Sara's head down for slow deep kiss.

It was only a key, but in this case practically the same thing as starting a life together. Catherine couldn't believe her luck. Her past love interests had mostly been assholes who cheated on her and sooner or later made her look and feel like a fool. She was seen as a beautiful sexy woman, nothing to take seriously in relationship. Not once before she has been given the person she loved or truly wanted. Not once she had thought this could actually happen, that Sara would be her girlfriend and love her as much as she loved the beautiful brunette. The reality was thousand times better than even the most wonderful dreams she'd had during the years.

As they separated, Sara looked her deep into eye and moved hair from temple behind Catherine's ear. "Greg will be here in 40 minutes. I need a shower before that," Sara said and stepped back. The moment was over and life was back in present.

"Really? I could give you a real reason to shower." Catherine grinned. "Only if we didn't have company.."

Sara laughed and let go of Catherine. "Maybe you could take them juice and biscuits to assure they're staying out for a while longer."

"And that would be another year of Lindsey not talking to me..." Catherine stated and turned around. Sara laughed again as she walked towards stairs. Catherine saw through corner of her eye her to stop and turn around. She turned her head and saw Sara looking at her.

"Aren't you coming?" Sara asked an evil look on her face. Catherine grinned and turned her look on left, leaning backwards to see better. The youngsters were still deep in their conversation. Not in near reach of hearing anything what could carry from the bathroom. She turned her face back to Sara with mischievous grin on her face.

"Right behind you..." She said with a sexy voice and followed Sara upstairs.

* * *

Greg pulled in front of Catherine's house and pulled the handbrake on. He waited Sara to come out and climb in. "You look happy," Greg mentioned and tilted his head to take a better look of Sara's face.

"Is that a crime?" Sara defended automatically but couldn't wipe off the smile she was wearing. "I am happy." She then added. Greg chuckled quietly as he started the engine and got back on the road. Sara never walked around with a happy face, so this must mean she really was in high spirits. "Catherine just gave me an unlimited access to her house."

"You're moving together?" Greg asked surprised.

"No, not exactly. I'm still keeping my place and have no intents to give it up anytime soon. Catherine gave me a key and invitation to join their little family."

"That's great Sara," Greg smiled and changed meaningful looks with the brunette. "But don't totally forget me even if you now have a girlfriend and real relationship."

"Don't worry, I'll still come rant you when Catherine is a bitch and the world is against me," Sara promised.

"Nice," Greg laughed.

They pulled in front of the crime lab.

"What do you think, will they let us be partners tonight?" Sara wondered.

"So you're actually letting me mess in to YOUR case?" Greg asked playing over dramatic. He smirked at Sara who slapped him slightly at a shoulder. "In case there's something big I'm sure Grissom will partner me with someone. I hope it will be you," Greg spoke.

Sara smiled. "Well, hope is a good place to live in… Okay, let's go shall we?" She said and stepped out of the car.

* * *

**The End! Ende! Slutet! Slutten! Loppu! Het Einde! La Final! La Fin! конец!... (I'm out of languages...) HAH!! The freakin' story is FINALLY over! **

**Thanks all the feedback, reviews and messages! They all meant a lot to me. ****Thanks again for all of you!! XOXO**

**Alex, Cole, thank you so much for your help! **

**Thank you for reading! :-)**


End file.
